"I am not a robot"

Hello my lovely readers,

It's been a while.

But I've taken some time to learn and think and grow.

And I wanted to share those things with y'all.

First, I learned that my cold, dead heart isn't actually cold, nor dead. It is just selective.

Which is a HUGE relief. Because for a long time, I've been convinced that I'm an unfeeling and emotionally inept robot.

As in, Christina Yang is the character I identify with most from Grey's Anatomy:

Except I'm not a woman of questionable morals.

Or Asian.

But once in a while, someone comes along that ignites that spark. That shows you that you do care whether or not he choses to love you.

And it's ok to be selective..

Because settling with someone who is mostly what you want is no where close to fighting for the one who is everything.

See? He wasn't the right one. And that's not me being racist

Also, I learned that I differentiate what I want and deserve, as opposed to what options often show up, by uncomfortable laughter and (if I'm really on one) by lecturing.

In fact, just recently, I was stuck in a car with a boy for a solid 20 minutes after he tried to pull some shady crap.

And I thought to myself, "self, here we have a decent amount of time with a misguided boy. Do we try to guide him? Yes, yes we do. My precious."

I spent the entirety of that time lecturing him about treating girls with respect and having some decency.

Did he hate that?

I'd like to think he in fact, loved it.

Could be wrong, though.

And finally, I learned that love is a formula.

Now keep in mind, it's been almost 8 years since I've taken an actual math class. But here's what I'm thinking is the proper equation:

50 (what you are looking for) + 45 (compatibility) + 45 (attraction) + 50 (communication) + 100 (choice) = a perfect 295

Erin taught me how to math

You love who you choose to love.

Not everyone is the right choice for you. And I encourage everyone to be as picky as they see fit. But when you find the person that is everything you want them to be, not perfect, but still everything to you, choose them.

Day after day.

Hour after hour.

Choose to love them despite their flaws, despite when they are forgetful or busy or just plain human.

But don't choose to love the person that doesn't light your soul and set your heart on fire.

Because that person is out there.

Unless they died in a freak accident years ago and you'll never meet them in this life.

IDK I'm not a psychic.

If you have thoughts, questions, or otherwise would like to engage, feel free to comment below or shoot me an email.

If on the other hand, you just liked what you read, please liberally share this post with your friends. And if you hated, share with your enemies! Either way seems like a win for everyone involved.