Rebranding

Hello lovelies,

It's nice of you to visit my blog today.

I have great news.

I'm rebranding this blog! It's going to be focused solely on dating.

And I'm opening it up to all of you to contribute to.

I'll be going through and publishing YOUR stories that you send in, additionally to my own.

Stories, advice, inspiration, laughs-->you'll find them all. Or you won't. Some people have no sense of humor.

You can check the first post here:

https://theprovochronicles.wordpress.com/

I'm calling it the Provo Chronicles, because we all know the valley is one of the best places to find the worst stories.

See you there!!

And keep checking in. Send me your stories.

I promise, it's going to be awesome.

"I am not a robot"

Hello my lovely readers,

It's been a while.

But I've taken some time to learn and think and grow.

And I wanted to share those things with y'all.

First, I learned that my cold, dead heart isn't actually cold, nor dead. It is just selective.

Which is a HUGE relief. Because for a long time, I've been convinced that I'm an unfeeling and emotionally inept robot.

As in, Christina Yang is the character I identify with most from Grey's Anatomy:

Except I'm not a woman of questionable morals.

Or Asian.

But once in a while, someone comes along that ignites that spark. That shows you that you do care whether or not he choses to love you.

And it's ok to be selective..

Because settling with someone who is mostly what you want is no where close to fighting for the one who is everything.

See? He wasn't the right one. And that's not me being racist

Also, I learned that I differentiate what I want and deserve, as opposed to what options often show up, by uncomfortable laughter and (if I'm really on one) by lecturing.

In fact, just recently, I was stuck in a car with a boy for a solid 20 minutes after he tried to pull some shady crap.

And I thought to myself, "self, here we have a decent amount of time with a misguided boy. Do we try to guide him? Yes, yes we do. My precious."

I spent the entirety of that time lecturing him about treating girls with respect and having some decency.

Did he hate that?

I'd like to think he in fact, loved it.

Could be wrong, though.

And finally, I learned that love is a formula.

Now keep in mind, it's been almost 8 years since I've taken an actual math class. But here's what I'm thinking is the proper equation:

50 (what you are looking for) + 45 (compatibility) + 45 (attraction) + 50 (communication) + 100 (choice) = a perfect 295

Erin taught me how to math

You love who you choose to love.

Not everyone is the right choice for you. And I encourage everyone to be as picky as they see fit. But when you find the person that is everything you want them to be, not perfect, but still everything to you, choose them.

Day after day.

Hour after hour.

Choose to love them despite their flaws, despite when they are forgetful or busy or just plain human.

But don't choose to love the person that doesn't light your soul and set your heart on fire.

Because that person is out there.

Unless they died in a freak accident years ago and you'll never meet them in this life.

IDK I'm not a psychic.

If you have thoughts, questions, or otherwise would like to engage, feel free to comment below or shoot me an email.

If on the other hand, you just liked what you read, please liberally share this post with your friends. And if you hated, share with your enemies! Either way seems like a win for everyone involved.

How To Build Your Forever Love

Guest Post!

Since I just wrote a guest post, where I contributed some single perspective to a mommy blog, I thought it would be valuable to get some married perspective on this game we call "dating." Or I guess just relationships in general. It's a little long, but well worth the read! If you are interested in more posts or insights, you can find that website here: http://streetsmartmom.com/

The “I”s Have It

- Usually we think it’s best if we put our partner’s first and make sure their needs are being met. We want our partner to know how much they mean to us and that we have their best interests at heart. And we usually expect, through our cultural expectations of relationships, that our partner’s will put us first. This mutual exchange means we are both looked after while trying to be selfless and take care of our partner. But in communication it is far and away much better to focus on “I”…at least when it comes to working our way through confrontation and anger. Let me explain. I’m sure many of you have heard how it’s better to say “I feel…” rather than “You are…” and we know why. Saying “I” focuses on us and refrains from pushing blame on our partner. Rather than accusing our partner of something we perceive that they are, or that they are doing to us, we are shifting the responsibility on ourselves for our feelings. It also evokes empathy. We naturally don’t want our partner’s to feel sad. Learning about how our partner’s feel, without feeling like we are being blamed, opens our hearts to listening with a desire to fix what’s hurting our partner. Even when you’re thinking about something your partner did that angered you. Let’s say he/she didn’t text you all day despite the many texts you sent them. Instead of getting worked up about all of our expectations and perceptions we take a step back. This is what I do (steps from nonviolentcommuncation.com):