#freephil

If you have logged on to any social media in the last few days, you have undoubtedly seen the controversy about Phil Robertson's interview with GQ. For those of you that are so put off by his remarks, I ask whether or not you have even read the interview? The entire interview. If not, allow me to enlighten you with a few key snippets.

"“Everything is blurred on what’s right and what’s wrong,” he says. “Sin becomes fine.”

What, in your mind, is sinful?

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men,” he says. Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”"

The first line seems to be the only thing the LGBT can focus on. However, they neglect to recognize that Phil is not singling out homosexuals. He also talks about straight people who sleep with multiple partners, drunks, etc. What also has been neglected is his latter comment:

""We never, ever judge someone on who's going to heaven, hell. That's the Almighty's job. We just love 'em, give 'em the good news about Jesus--whether they're homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort 'em out later, you see what I'm saying?""

So explain to me his bigotry in saying we just need to love? The hypocrisy in the left wing outrage is astounding. He has every right as an American citizen to express his opinion. If you disagree, you might want to read the Constitution...because I'm 99% positive it addresses exactly that issue. A&E doesn't even have a leg to stand on suspending him from the show because he wasn't even on the show when he made the comments--not that it really has the right to regulate his beliefs anyways. 

Identifying the Conservative political party, as well as growing up a member of the LDS Church in Colorado, I was constantly surrounded by people who disagreed with my views. I was actually quite thankful to have grown up in the environment I did, being privy to many different view points and beliefs. I have had countless discussions on faith and social issues with Baptists, Buddhists, Atheists, Catholics, homosexuals, the whole spectrum. While I have dear friends and know people who respect my beliefs, and I theirs, I have also encountered so many people who preach and preach and preach tolerance and acceptance, but tear me apart for being a Mormon. In fact, I was friends with a boy in high school who is gay, who constantly belittled and made fun of me for practicing the LDS faith. I couldn't possibly tell you the number of times he told me I wouldn't go to heaven because I disagree with the gay lifestyle. I never told him he was a bad person, I never told him he was going to hell, I simply expressed once that I didn't agree with his lifestyle choices--not only because he practiced homosexuality, but also because he slept around with many people--and I never brought it up again due to the horrid backlash I received from him. A few months ago he deleted my entire family from Facebook because he said he wouldn't associate with people who disagreed with his lifestyle. I hold no malice against him, because he can say and do whatever he wants. I have many friends that are homosexual and I love them, I think they are great people.

I also don't agree with having sex outside of marriage (which is another post entirely.) I don't agree with lying, stealing, murder, watching pornography, choosing not to get married and have children, being mean, abuse, the list goes on. Now, before you jump on me, I am the first to say that I'm not perfect. I know I make mistakes. But I also believe that the point of this life is to make mistakes, learn, and become better. I hope people understand and love and forgive me when I mess up, or even just that I'm a Mormon, just as I love those that I don't necessarily agree with how they live their life. That does NOT mean that I am judging anyone, and such an accusation is entirely ignorant. I love people, and this is not to say that I'm a saint or that the Right Wing is much more tolerant than the Left Wing. I think there is hypocrisy on both sides. All I'm saying, is that I have found it common in my experience for some Liberals to call for tolerance for everyone...except the religious. I have also seen many religious people to be intolerant of non-believers. I believe there are issues on both sides.

However, I digress. Let's focus solely on Phil's comments. The views he expressed are Biblical principals. That's no secret. He wasn't even saying that he thought the above mentioned would go to hell, he was paraphrasing Corinthians--he just thinks it's wrong. Which is his right as a human being. If you don't like those principals, you don't have to read the Bible, similarly if you don't like what Phil Roberston thinks, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH HIS SHOW. He's not in any position of authority--he's just some backwoods redneck who got his own reality tv show. The Constitution of the United States, the document upon which this country was founded on, proclaims the right to freedom of speech. Not "freedom to say whatever is politically correct." Frankly, I don't understand how same-sex marriage falls under "the pursuit of happiness," but proclaiming religious ideology doesn't qualify as free speech. In any case, I would be willing to bet that a great deal of those offended by his remarks don't even watch Duck Dynasty. So kudos to A&E for alienating your audience, who are the ones posting and supporting "FREE PHIL".

Corrupt is our society when the rights given to the people, by the people, for the people, are being threatened by the very same who demanded them. 

ferris bueller you're my herooo

LESSON 33: HOW TO KNOW IF A GUY IS REALLY INTO YOU(r sister)

If you are with a guy, you are talking, and he winks at you--he is definitely into you

If you are with a guy, and he is looking at your lips, he likes you. Or at least your luscious lips

If you are with a guy, and he gets crazy eyes when talking to you, he's excited to be around you.


These are some tips I learned from a very good friend of mine. Who will likely hate me for posting this, because he told me never to write about him, but since the damage is already done, I would like to further write about this friend.

To begin, I would like to share with you all a story.

Many moons ago, before all the cars I crashed, I was riding a bike...which I may or may not have also crashed several times. I already know all the "women driver" jokes, so you might as well save your breath. On one occasion, I was merrily riding my bike to work, when the tire went flat and disengaged from the wheel. Still quite a way from my place of employment, I sat myself down on the curb next to my bike, and tried to come up with a solution to this predicament. After calling my boss to inform him of my certain tardiness, I just kept sitting-calling friends, hoping anyone would be around. As I was about to accept defeat, a car pulls over and the driver asks if I need help. I thank him for his offer, but let him know that I need to do something with my bike and somehow need to get to work in a reasonable timely manner.

"Well, I actually have a bike rack on top of my car, and I work at a bike shop. So if you'd like, I'll take you to work and then I'll take your bike to my shop and bring it to you after you're done."

I felt like heaven just opened up and sent me an angel.

I graciously accepted his offer, informed him that he was my hero, and the rest is history. We went on dates, we hung out with my sisters, I was constantly at his house, and he became one of my best friends. Just this last summer we were talking in his apartment and we got to discussing this girl he likes. He talked about how wonderful she made him feel. He recounted the day we met, and he brought up when I told him he was my hero. Explaining some parts of his personal situation at the time, he said he was completely taken aback that a girl he barely met would think so highly of him, and at that point is when he decided he wanted I was someone he wanted to know. From my perspective, I'm just thinking, how could anyone not think this guy was amazing? He stops his day to fix the bike and take a girl to work that was a complete stranger. That day was just a foreshadowing of the kind of person this guy is. My older sister and I went on a double date with him and another guy to Salt Lake to hear my sister sing in her choir--after which he ended up paying for the 5 of us to eat pizza and dessert (why the other boy didn't pitch in, we still have no idea.) One night this summer he even stayed up til 3 in the morning, talking to me and playing songs on his guitar because I was upset over a boy.

This friend is now getting married, and I possibly cried from happiness the day I found out. I guess the point of this post is not only talk about how awesome this friend of mine is, but to tell you that sometimes you don't know what a small act of charity or a kind word can mean. You never know how the things you do or say will affect another person, "so be gentle, regarding human frailty." I will never stop caring about the boy that fixed my bike, just because it was broken--expecting nothing in return. I know there are some really wonderful people in this world, and I only hope that I will be able to extend the same courtesy and touch someone in the way I was blessed to experience.

great date! high five

LESSON 31: THE HIGH-FIVER

Do you keep asking yourself why you are spending yet another weekend home, with your only company being Ben and Jerry?

Have you found members of the opposite sex won't take you seriously as a viable dating option?

Was your last kiss from your mother?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then I present one more--do you high five? Because if you do, therein lies the cause of all your woes. (Unless perhaps you are just ugly?)

Keep in mind, when you raise your hand for that high five, you instantly earn yourself a one way ticket to the friend-zone. You do not pass go, do not collect $100 dollars.

Even guys after sport games slap each other on the butt. Not that I'm saying we should all slap each other on the behind....then again, maybe I am....

Think about it--if you're ending a date, and you go in for the kiss, and she raises her hand for a high five? She basically just kicked your manhood.

All around, high fives just tend to make me feel weird, so I usually, always deny them. It's just a gesture that needs to die out in this society, unless you are encouraging small children. Especially when they lead to Ryan Seacrest trying to high five a blind guy: http://youtu.be/ahnuHhd60Yg?t=4s


Whoops.



pikachu, I choose you!

LESSON 30: JUST LOVE

Every Thursday I take a class about Dating and Eternal Marriage. I love it more than anything. Recently  we had a discussion about not pointing out the flaws of those whom you are dating. Now some of you are undoubtedly thinking "well duh, that's rude." With you I agree wholeheartedly. However I have some perspective to share with those who don't find this so blatantly obvious.

Earlier this year I had a boyfriend. It was quite a momentous occasion because for 21 years of my life, my general thought on the subject is ew, boyfriend. Too much commitment. Because I'm really mature. But I digress. So I meet this boy, and he is so cute, funny, he loves the gospel, he is close to his family, he served a mission, he was so so sweet, and his muscles are huge (because I'm a little shallow, but he was such a babe). Really, these are all qualities I look for. In fact, besides the muscles thing(maybe?), the above list are all necessary attributes for me to even date a boy. I don't judge you for your lists. So of course when he asked to be my boyfriend I said yes. Alright, maybe I hesitated for like a week or something, but still, eventually I said yes. Things seemed to go pretty well, I met his mom and his grandma, I visited him after he got his eye surgery, and he was so nice to me.

Then we had a talk. A rather unpleasant talk that I share just for the sake of this post. In this conversation, he told me all of my faults, as he perceived them to be. If any of you know me, you can imagine how brilliantly that went over. I took it super well.

So we kind of broke up. After which time, we had another talk, which was hard because you know how I looove talking about feelings. In this time, he pointed out how in a relationship, both people should be growing and improving, (which I completely agree with) but that the way to go about it is to tell your partner what you don't like about them so it gives them a chance to change. This I very much don't agree with.

Luke 6:41-42 says:

 "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye."


In my last class, we went over this scripture, and talked about how, until you are perfect, you should not be pointing out the faults of others, particularly someone with whom you are in a relationship. Although my ex-boyfriend's intentions were good, he was misguided. In my own opinion, if your partner does things that bother you enough to point them out, you probably shouldn't be dating that person. Let me say that I write this not to be completely hypocritical, but to illustrate the negative effects of nit-picking people, rather than building them up.

The bottom line is, people will only change when they want to change. There is nothing you, nor I, nor anyone else can do or say that will make another person be different if they don't want to be. I don't care to go into great detail, but one of said "faults" I possessed would be that I do and say outlandish things to get a rise out of people. Like 98% of the time, I'm trying to get a reaction, because it's usually really funny, and highly immature. It's cool. I own that. I don't live my life to impress other people, and I am not concerned with what other people think. I care for people and I love, but people are going to think what they think, and that's ok. But getting back on track a bit, I am well aware of my own flaws. I know which areas of my life I need to work on, so someone telling me I need to change something about myself, whether it's something I'm already trying to better, or something I love about myself, I've already got it covered. 

People just need to love people for the imperfect beings that they are. I've dated a few boys, and I have loved one. I once dated a guy that told me no one would ever want to marry me if I never went to school...and he said I wasn't funny. Probably some of the rudest things I've ever been told in my life. We also didn't last. I mean, I know this is cliche, but hasn't anyone ever heard the saying: "love isn't about finding the perfect person, but about seeing an imperfect person, perfectly"?

President Thomas S. Monson counseled "choose your love, and love your choice." I mean, isn't it fair to love someone despite annoying quirks, if you expect the same? In that talk with my ex-boyfriend about changing someone for the better, he presented me with a scenario. He described a couple being married for 10 years, and every day for those 10 years, the wife does the dishes. All of them, all day. He expressed that he thinks it would be appropriate for the wife to ask the husband to take a turn. I countered with the thought that, were I the wife, I would gladly take care of the household duties whilst my husband works to provide a house, and because I would love him and support him, as long as he used dishes, I would wash them. I come from a house that runs similarly. The only difference is, that my dad will take over and do dishes when he is home, because he loves my mom. Not because she has ever asked or expected him to do so. I have witnessed the two of them often try to coax the other to sit while they did the dishes and cleaned on several occasions. Isn't that what relationships are about? Serving and doing everything in your power to make the other person happy? Besides, negative degradation has greater destructive power than positive affirmation has to promote. So wouldn't we all do better to focus on the good, rather than the bad?

True love inspires changing for the better, not demands it.

airbag's a little slow..

In light of recent events, and in honor of Thanksgiving, I wanted to express my gratitude. In the last 8 months, I have been in three car accidents, totaling two different cars. The latter crash happened just this last Friday, when a man ran a red light as I was driving through the intersection. By a miracle, our cars collided in a way that I ran into his side. The entire front of my car was smashed, but I was wearing my seat belt, so I was restrained and other than another concussion and a few scrapes and bruises, I was physically unscathed. The side of his car was banged up pretty good, but it was such a large vehicle that I'm almost positive that had he come through two seconds later, he would have smashed my side and sent my little car flying. Even with how awful it was, and how terrifying it is having your airbags deploy and totaling yet another car, I'm so truly thankful that it wasn't so much worse. The man driving the other car is totally fine. We both walked away by the grace of God that day. Only my Heavenly Father knows how I'm still alive, and only He knows why, but I can't express how grateful I am to still be here. Cars are just things, and things can be replaced. I have so much gratitude for a family that takes care of me, for parents that still love me when I total their car, for friends that care about me, and for the Savior who watches over me and puts me back together when I'm broken, what at times feels beyond repair. I'm thankful to have a knowledge of the Gospel, that teaches me that this life isn't supposed to be easy, that we receive trials to help us grow, but that by faith and opening our hearts to be changed and touched, we can become better, stronger, and mostly importantly, sympathetic to those around us. We go through hardships because the Lord trusts us to trust in Him. What a wonderful gift that is. What a beautiful life. I'm grateful for another day to live it. Tell someone people you love them while you still have today, before you run out of tomorrows.

gingers don't have soul(mate)s

""Soulmates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p.305)

I want to start this blog by saying that I am not disagreeing with the prophets' stance on this subject. I agree with and support their words wholeheartedly. The following blog is merely an idea that I would like to present.

My whole life, I have been taught and believed that in the pre-mortal existence, we picked our families. We chose who our siblings would be, who we wanted to parent us, those we wanted to love and be sealed to for time and all eternity.

So hold on to that concept for a moment..

I chose my parents.

Which means, I elected two spirits who would be married, that wanted 10 children, that would birth me. But how did I know that my parents would be the two that would find each other and be my mom and dad? Well, here's the kicker--I believe that each of us, as spiritual beings, chose someone we wanted to find in this life. Someone to be our "soul mate." That being said, we are taught time and time again that there is no such thing as the "right one" because if two righteous people want to get married, and put the Lord first, they can make it work. My theory is not that you chose one person in heaven, and that is the person you are destined to be with. I believe that we all chose someone we wanted to be with, that we could potentially find.

Think about your patriarchal blessing--the promises in that are not guaranteed. You must work and seek and strive to be worthy of receiving them. Similarly parallel, is the fact that if you mess up, but you truly repent, you don't just miss out on all those blessings, you receive different ones, or even the same ones at a different time. We all have the potential to find that person that we selected. I say potential, because nothing is set in stone, there is no law that we must find that person, and I believe many won't, due to choices made on one or both sides. If I picked my spirit hubby, but he came to this life and thought it'd be a fun idea to be an ax-murderer, or if I had it in my head to change my plumbing and become a man, neither of us would just be out of luck. That's silly. In such scenarios where it is impossible for the two people to meet and marry each other, there are at least a few other prospects that will make you perfectly happy, that you can love with your heart of hearts, someone who can become your soul mate. Not to say that if you were to find this pre-mortal love, it would all be rainbows and butterflies, because as humans, it is our innate nature to have weaknesses, and you will have to learn to accept as well be as accepted for your flaws. However, since you get along better with some people than others, the same can be said that one person can make you happier than someone else.

The hopeless romantic in me secretly wishes that those couples who tell you they "just knew" their spouse was the one they wanted to marry are those who found each other on this life, after promising in the life before. Maybe, just maybe.


On a completely different note, this is a thing: Hot Girls, Ugly Faces




also, it's my birthday in 5 days.

mr. rogers neighborhood..of feelings

LESSON 29: ALWAYS LISTEN TO MR. ROGERS


"Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it."
 -Fred Rogers


Shout out to DJ Scheerer. I love your stuff.


However, some of us are more like Nick from New girl, who says "if we had to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."

 And that's ok too...

right?

Side note, notice he uses the phrase "appropriate expression." Boy, have I got a good story for next time. Stay tuned.

Love you
xoxo

(I can express feelings!)

sleepless in austin

LESSON 28: YOU'VE GOT OPTIONS

WARNING: THE CONTENTS OF THIS BLOG MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 16 

RATED M FOR MATURE

AND H FOR HILARIOUS

BUT MOSTLY W FOR "WHERE ON EARTH DID YOU STUMBLE ACROSS SOMETHING LIKE THIS??"


Guys, I want you to meet Romeo Rose. I think I love him. Also, I really want him to be as famous as possible, because his dating website is literally the best thing I've ever seen. Originally he was offering a finder's fee for anyone who could find him his perfect woman ($1,500 if she becomes his girlfriend, plus an added $1,000 bonus if they got married. Can you say score?) but apparently his phone has been "ringing off the hook" as of 10/07. Hello, duh. Who wouldn't call him?

Please please please browse his page for yourself, but I would like to highlight some of my favorite qualifications for his wifey:

"I want the girl to be attractive

I like girls that are thin, or with a toned or athletic build. A average build is fine too, just as long as you are not overweight. I will not date a over weight or fat girl

I like girls that are 130 pounds or less. Of course weight needs to be in proportion to height, as long as they aren't considered overweight, they should be fine.

Being overweight is a total deal breaker for me

I will not date a Black girl. I don't care if she looks like Halle Berry, I will not ever date a Black girl

However, I will date any other race, Hispanic, Mexican, Spanish, Russian, Italian, French, European, White, whatever, anything except Black

I do not like glasses on a girl. Although, it’s not a dealbreaker, as long as she can wear contacts at least most of the time.

I will not date any girl that has ever had a threesome, or a large number of past sexual partners. I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.

I will not date any girl if she is still friends with any men that she has been intimate with in the past, I believe once a relationship with someone is over, it’s OVER.

I prefer a woman that has never had children.

Now I’m not saying having had a kid or two is a for sure dealbreaker for me, but it’s a case by case basis, and I prefer a woman that’s never had kids if possible. My ex-girlfriend that I was with for Eleven years never had kids, she couldn’t because of a hysterectomy at a young age.

I also have a very high sex drive."

Nice.

Please keep in mind these aren't even all the things on his list. I do give him credit for knowing exactly what he wants and putting himself out there. Kudos to you, man. Don't think I haven't thought of giving him the old ring-a-ding-ding, I do live in Texas now, after all.

This website is just such a gem. I'm in love with it.

And some of you may speculate about whether or not it's real, but I'm a glass half full kind of girl, so I choose to believe it is.

For the record, I found this website on AskMen.com. They said it was the worst thing you could possibly resort to. But what do they know, really? I wonder if they've heard of Tinder...


...yes, I like to read articles on AskMen. Whatever.

http://www.sleeplessinaustin.com/about-the-girl-i-want-to-fall-in-love-with/


I mean, you're welcome.

I know I don't speak so well...

As this last Sunday substituted for our Fast Sunday, I sat in Single's Ward and listened to the testimonies, when a boy with Down Syndrome stood up to share. It was hard to understand all his words, but I listened closely. Then he stopped for a minute, and stated clearly "I know I don't speak so well. I know I don't speak well. But I know we were all born into the same world..." and continued to share his knowledge and love for this gospel. Admittedly, tears filled my eyes at the beautiful purity and simplicity of his testimony.

I was brought back to my first week being a counselor at EFY. This was actually my first experience with EFY at all, because I never had the chance to participate in it as a youth. So in reality, I read the basics, but I wasn't entirely sure what this week would be like. I arrived in Missouri, and met with my group of 8 girls and company of 36. I prayed that I would know the things to say to reach these kids and teach them something.

Now, I am a pretty avid note-taker. I love writing down thoughts and quotes so I can remember them, and have the opportunity to read and reference to them later. I took so many notes at EFY, and in the midst of them, is a line inspired by one of my kids. As many members know, whether you've been to EFY or not, on Thursday we have a testimony meeting. This is the kids' chance to share what they have learned, what they want to learn, anything. During this first week, I had one boy in my company who was a foreign exchange student from Italy. He was probably one of the funniest kids I had ever talked to (which is saying a lot, because I have worked with a butt ton of kids over the years.) However, being a native Italian, English (obviously) wasn't his first language. So during that special meeting, he gave his testimony in Italian. No one else in our group spoke Italian, so none of us really knew the words he was saying, but the room was moved to tears because we could all feel the spirit so strongly. Even though we didn't understand his language, we all felt his love.

After his testimony, I wrote in my journal "when we are all sharing the gospel, we sound the same."

I just want to reiterate the power in that. How many missionaries enter the field, not fully knowing the language they needed to speak? How many times have our words failed us when sharing the gospel in our day to day lives? The gospel is the same, everywhere, in every language. This boy in my EFY group as well as this boy in my Single's Ward have taught me that sometimes we just need to listen with our hearts to truly understand the message being shared. As General Conference is this weekend, for those planning on watching, listening, reading, or those who don't know what it is-I encourage you to open your hearts to the splendor of this gospel. Learn what you can from what is said, but more importantly, be sensitive to the spirit you will feel. No words can compensate for what the Lord impresses upon your heart. These are all inspired men and women, giving inspired messages that can change lives and souls. We learn in D&C that "the spirit and the body are the soul of man". Let the messages touch your spirit, let your spirit change your body, and become a soul Celestial.

If you care to learn more about the talks given this weekend, this monumental event held twice a years, that brings members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints together, you can learn more here: https://www.lds.org/general-conference

don't you ever tell me how to live my life again

LESSON 27: "PRETTY GIRLS ALWAYS DATE TOOLS"--IN OUR DEFENSE...


I would like to preface this by stating that I say the following not to sound vain or conceited, but I'm not an idiot. I know that by the world's standards, many boys (and some girls) would qualify me as an attractive person. Ha, who am I kidding? I'm basically God's gift to men. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't use to be, but at this point in my life, I've got the batting my eyelashes and twirling my hair down to an art form. This being said, I feel constantly under attack by the "nice guy" that as a pretty girl, I only date tools. Because apparently, pretty girls only date mean boys.

First of all, if I hear the above statement one more time, I'm going to start throwing punches. Unless I ask for your opinion on my dating life, don't voice it, because I really, truly, honestly, to the very depths of my soul don't care. #SorryNotSorry

Secondly--I have dated a variety of gentlemen. Some of them were quite possibly some of the sweetest persons I had ever met. I wanted to marry one of them, because I couldn't possibly imagine a more wonderful, kind hearted, better person. (That's another story.) However, I hereby formally admit to dating losers. Not only have I dated some real jerks, but I have had friends that I spent inordinate amounts of time with that said some of the rudest things to me I've ever heard. So sue me. I'm not the only one who has made poor dating choices. You, reading this, if you are single, married, widowed, a swinger or anything else in between, I know you aren't proud of every person you've given the time of day to. Don't even try to deny or argue with me. Stop it right now. You're a big fat liar.

Here is where I'd like to give my defense though-and I think this is supported by most "attractive girls" that have ever dated the...not so nice boys. I am someone who, despite my snarky and sarcastic demeanor, deeply believes in the best in others. Call me silly, naïve, whatever you will, but I really believe there is good in everyone. That being said, I don't believe you can necessarily share that part of you with every person you come in contact with, or even date. I think as humans, we keep areas of our persons and our hearts in reserve from most of the world. Some may like to think their walls impenetrable, but I guarantee, if and when the right person comes along, those walls will crumble.

I love to know people. I love to observe and understand who people are and why they feel and act the way they do. And (admittedly often foolishly) I try to make people feel loved. Those guys I've dated that weren't nice to me, I don't hate. I don't think they are bad people. I honestly think that I simply wasn't the right person to love them. I just try to be. Until it reaches a point where it hurts so much to love them that I have a hard time seeing myself for who I know I am, I reach out, and I try. And maybe that's not what is right or good for me, however I can't help it. I know my worth. I know I'm loved and I'm worthwhile, and at the risk of getting slightly emotional, it sincerely breaks my heart to know that some people don't know what I know-don't feel what I feel.

Woah. I tripped and fell into some feelings. Don't worry, brushed that off.

Seriously though, that's why I've dated boys that weren't nice to me. That's why I maintained friendships that hurt. People lash out when they are hurting, when they don't feel loved. Maybe it was wrong, but I have dated boys simply so they could know how it felt to be cared for by someone. Obviously I don't have all the answers, because I'm almost 21 and not married, which in the Mormon world basically qualifies me in the running as an old spinster. Maybe I need a new outlook or approach. Or maybe, I just need people to stop trying to tell me who to date or how to live my life.

insubordinate, and churlish

So I fast tracked high school. I graduated in November of 2010, and spent the remainder of my would-be senior year working as a substitute teacher. Then when I moved to Utah, I found employment working as a sub on and off and have done so for about 2 and a half years. I absolutely adore teaching kids, and hands down my favorite to teach are middle and high schoolers. They are mostly super awkward, and it's just really funny to point out their awkwardness.

Maybe it's easiest to control the older ones because they always think I'm much cooler than they are, so they tend to be submissive. Maybe our maturity level is the same so we can all relate. Whatever. Either way, (and I say this in the most humble but also factual way possible) I adore teaching those kids, and they absolutely love me. I have a folder of notes and pictures from kids, and a list of all the ridiculous things I've been told, but those are for another time.

In this post, I just want to say, thank you. In my many days of subbing, when trying to decide how to be better, how to teach and touch the lives of these children, I haven't looked to past teachers that have influenced my life for the better, rather I have one role model. One person that I aspire to be like. In following the footsteps of this man, I feel I can truly reach my full potential as the super, ultra substitute teacher of the century:





Mr. Garby--you inspire me.

you've got (voice)mail!

LESSON 26: MUTUAL INTEREST

Fellas. This one goes out to some friends that keep asking my advice in this situation, so for their sake, let's play out a little scenario:

You are at (insert social scenario here) and you meet this girl. She's beautiful--like a 9.9, funny, talkative, shy, whatever tickles your fancy and brings you over to talk to her. Y'all two then proceed to engage in what seems on your end to be a magical conversation. The night begins to come to a close, and you slyly spout some clever way of getting her number. She complies and you are over the moon. You go home, talk to your guy friends, type out a text and debate sending it, contemplate the appropriate wait time, think about her all day long...wait, you're a dude--so in reality you just go home and think about her a few days later, so you send the code that will connect you telephonically through to her...and it rings. And rings, and rings. Her voicemail comes on the other line. You leave a message stating your name and purpose, then make a simple request that she call you back. Easy enough, right? But as you wait for a return call so you can propose going out on a date as planned, she sends you back a text: "hey, I got your message, what's up?"

Run.

Run so far and so fast and never look back. If you call a girl after she gives you her number, you can bet your bottom dollar that she knows your intent is to ask her out. Sending a text back in response to a call is a total cop out. Sadly, it means she just isn't interested. The reality is, it's easier to reject someone over a text rather than in person or on the phone. Some might call it spineless or cowardly, but regardless, that's the truth. Now, at this point, if this is the situation you're in, you might be going back over your conversation, parsing it and wondering if it really went as well as you thought it did in the first place. Chances are, it didn't. Or perhaps it did, and she changed her mind. Either way, you've just been kicked to the curb. So go out there and find a new girl to call. But keep calling! I know gentlemen that feel defeated and resort to texting all the girls, and it makes me want to die. Just because she was a weeny and didn't return your call doesn't mean you need to be from now on. Kthanksbye.

let's go to the bank-ank, let's go cash our pay. they say, what they gonna say?

LESSON 25: ALWAYS ASK A GIRL FOR HER NUMBER

*Note: All names have been changed for the privacy of those involved. And although it sounds made up, it is 100 percent true. (Except the names..)

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Her name was, Rolivia. She liked this boy. His name was HotShot. Now, Rolivia and HotShot kind of started this thing, and it was all cute and flowers and birds singing. He told her he wanted to see if she was the girl he could marry, and blah blah blah. Whatever. That's another story. Anyways, then he blew her off--no one blows of Rolivia--and tells her about all the girls that are trying to date him because he's a big deal. So she calls him up to tell him what an idiot he is. The conversation does not go well...

All that being said, Rolivia is now in a so super bad mood. Which she is almost never anything but a shiny happy person! But not today. And here's where our real story starts. It is a Monday.

Rolivia has the day off work, so she decides to run some errands. Literally, because she totaled her car so she has no other mode of transportation. Except her bike which she frequently crashes. In any case, she is running all over town, sweating in the blistering July heat, when she remembers she needs to go to the bank to deposit her tips. Now, Rolivia is still in a very bad mood,  and when she walks into the bank, she's all sweaty and has no more make up and she knows her tips to deposit are pathetic, so she just wants to get in and out as fast as humanly possible. So one of the tellers calls her over, pulls up her account, tries to make polite chit chat. He asks her if she's working...(the next part is relevant, I promise.)


JULY 29, 2013
3:00 PM  
WELLS FARGO

Rolivia: Yes.

Bank Dude: Where do you work?

Rolivia: PF Chang's.

Bank Dude: Oh cool! Do you know Schela?

Rolivia: I do, she's great

Bank Dude: I love her! We used to hang out all the time...blah blah blah.

Rolivia: Cool, well, I gotta go. Thanks for your help

End of interaction.

JULY 29, 2013
4:19 PM
WALKING HOME

*New text from an unknown number*
Hey! How are you?

R: I'm sorry, I recently got a new phone, who is this?

Unknown: do you remember who just helped you at the bank...
*he did not ever tell me his name *

R: Um did you just get my number from Schela?

Creepy Bank Dude: Maybe...lol...sorry if that creeps you out I just couldn't ask you out at work

R: I'm not available to be asked out

Creepy Bank Dude: Oh! I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Well feel free to come in the bank anytime;)


Ew.


Later that evening I met up with Schela and asked her if she gave some creepy boy my number. She said she didn't and proceeded to tell me all the terrible stories about him trying to make a move on her while she's involved with someone else. I mean, she's a babe, but dude, for real? All that being said, I had to conclude that he got my number from my account in the bank system...

*Text Conversation*

R: So I'm sitting here with Schela...she didn't give you my number. I feel like it's a serious violation of my privacy for you to get it from the bank system

CBD: I'm sick to my stomach, and sorry.

JULY 30
9:50 AM
MY BED

*New text*

CBD: What do you want from me?

I then proceeded to lay into him about the seriousness of his violation. The super long, in depth seriousness that makes him realize he can lose his job. He pleads for understanding, and I stop responding...

I never made a formal complaint, but you can pretty much guess that he cried. And probably pooped his pants. But I guarantee he won't be trying that again!


Let's see what Channing Tatum and Jimmy Fallon have to say about it all..

they call her love

Girls are fragile souls,
Each with their own set of insecurities.
Only wanting to feel loved
Wanting to feel wanted

So tell her she's beautiful.

Not that she's skinny
Or has a tight butt
But that her eyes smile when she does
That she radiates light and life

Just tell her that she's beautiful

She's beautiful because God made her
And He doesn't make mistakes
Her body is a temple--
And what two temples look the same?

But aren't they all beautiful?

Some girls are thin, some are short
Some have freckles and scars
Few look like models
And even they ask

Why aren't I beautiful?

In this world it is common
To never feel pretty enough
And why are views so clouded?
Why can't girls see their worth?

Because you didn't tell her she was beautiful.

Simply because she is.

A woman's perspective begins with her father. Does he dote on her? Remind her always that she is a princess? See her as the most spectacular being that's ever graced this earth?

My dad has treated every woman in his life as precious. His mom, his sisters, my mom, my sisters, myself--he has never said any of us are anything less than beautiful. What a wonderful gift, to know a man like that.

Today is my dad's birthday. As a family tradition, we gather around and each say why we love who's birthday it is. Tonight, my sister said that she was a princess. To anyone who knows her, this is nothing new, because she tells everyone to call her that. However, tonight she pointed out that she's a princess, because my dad has always made her feel as so. I'm not a girl who struggles with self confidence, and that is directly a result of the way my father talks to me, and what he and my mother have taught me. Happy birthday Dad! Thanks for being so wonderful:)

But not every girl has received the luxury of such adoring parents-of a father that treats everyone as a princess, a prince, a royal child with immeasurable worth.

So for the girls who don't know, for those who haven't been told, let them know they are beautiful. Not because she is a size 2 or has long blonde hair and perfect skin, but because she is kind, tender, funny, smart, compassionate, hopeful. As men, you have real power to influence the way a girl views herself, so please, I implore you....

tell her she's beautiful

cool story, bro

LESSON 24: HOW TO KNOW YOU'RE "THAT GUY"

Lately, I've had some radical (ninja turtles FTW) experiences with guys. And as a girl with many guy friends, I often share these stories, and then I am presented the question: "am I that guy?"
Oho. You silly. Of course not, or else I wouldn't be sharing these stories with you. In any case, I've been working on this list for quite some time, and I finally feel after meeting someone who supported every one of the items on this list, that it is complete. So please, enjoy. But proceed with caution--if you are a bro, you shouldn't read this. Likely many of you will get offended. However, I don't really care.



READY FOR THE LIST?
1. You have a (excuse my language) "douche-tooth"

2. Your swim trunks are shorter than the girls' shorts.

3. Your shirt is unbuttoned down to your bellybutton.

4. You do summer sales.

5. You commonly (or ever) sport a bro-tank

6. Or you commonly, unnecessarily sport no shirt at all.

7. Then you take shirtless selfies. Or bathroom selfies. Just selfies in general. Did you forget you are not, in fact, a teenage girl?

8. You smell like you just took a bath in your cologne.

9. You have ever verbally hash-tagged anything...like #Kasey
http://youtu.be/89EC-C-rGj8

10. You watch bachelor/bachelorette so you know what I'm referring to above.

11. You feel the need to talk (loudly) about your workout. So you benched 250, big deal. I eat entire large Domino's pizza's by myself.

12. When talking to a girl, you go on and on about your accomplishments, how you're an entrepreneur (which is usually code for "I'm old, single, out of school, and have no job") how much money you have, or your motorcycle. Wait, I dig motorcycles. Scratch that last one. But do ask us a question. Our name is a good one to start with.

13. Your favorite place to hang out is the hot tub. Usually populated with 10 guys for every girl.

14. You use Tinder.

15. You use the expression/hashtag "sun's out, guns out" in reference to your body.

16. You are a "Bronie"

17. You like to text girls late at night. Like we don't know you have texted "what are you doing?" to 12 other women...

18. You give girls little to no notice to hang out. And then get mad when we always say no.

19. You tuck your ears into your hat (sorry Garrett). There used to be a sign in Orem for some sketchy security company that flashed a picture of a guy wearing a hat with his ears tucked in, and then an invitation to join the company. I can't remember the name, but I'm pretty sure it's actually a secret (not so secret) club for only the highest level of tool.

20. You have a bro-hawk/-bro-llet. Seriously, who decided these hair cuts were cool? Didn't the whole mullet thing die out in the 70's? Some things need to stay dead.

#trendsthatshouldn't

21. You try and kiss every girl who looks at you.

22. You have ever called girls "hunnies"

23. You try to pick a girl up by presenting her with the following situation: "So I am like dating this girl, and she's cool or whatever, but he friend is super into me, so in your opinion is it cool if I date both of them? Maybe you want to go out too?" Because that has happened.

24. Without any other conversation, you walk up and ask a girl for her number.

25. You work for Vivint.

26. "Dat (insert noun here) doe" has ever come out of your mouth.

27. You classify people as sheep or wolves, or sheep in wolves' clothing.

highway don't care

I'm driving down the road, leaving my family at the lake to go to a meeting. I usually tend to have a hard time remembering to wear my seatbelt, and this day was no different, except I had a feeling that I needed to buckle up. Immediately I strapped my belt across myself and continued driving. It was about an hour long journey, and I was running a tad late, so perhaps that combination caused a lapse in appropriate surrounding judgment.

I was passing a car in a double lane when the road changed. More abruptly than I anticipated, I pulled up behind a car that was going a great deal slower than I was (not even really speeding.) However, the car was going so slow, that the force I had to put on my brakes to not rear end it caused me to lose control of my own car. I flew off the road, heading for a ditch and a huge bush when I blacked out. I woke up hanging upside down. Looking around for my phone in hopes to call someone, I noticed my car leaking fluid. Immediately my mind flashed with scenes of movies where the rolled over car leaks fluid and blows to kingdom come. My only thought was that I needed to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. I unbuckled my seatbelt and dropped to the ceiling. As soon as I was upright, my nose started bleeding everywhere as I frantically unlock each door and try desperately to get out. Much to my dismay, all of my doors were blocked by the walls of a ditch I had landed in. Reaching for the last door in the back, I prayed for strength to get out of that car. Luckily the door had been smashed by the bush rather than the ground, so I was able to open it enough to grab onto a fence above me and pull myself out.

I stumbled around and away from the car to hear a woman calling out for her son go help me. I feel an arm around me and realizing the magnitude of the situation, I lost all composure. A group of people gathered and helped me, calling 911, trying to get a hold of my family, staying with me, comforting me. I don't know how I was so blessed to come across such compassionate strangers. An off duty firefighter stopped by and checked me out while the ambulance made its way over. Finally the paramedics arrived, put me in a neck brace, and strapped me to a gurney, on which they took me to the ER. Extended family showed up and one of the ladies that found me and called my parents waited with me til my family could get there.

After what seemed an eternity, my parents arrived. They came into the room, and I looked up at them, strapped to a board, neck brace still in place, blood everywhere, crying, when the officer showed up to issue a ticket. +10 point for sensitivity, man. I spent the next few hours getting x-rays, a CAT scan, which was fun, because when they were prepping me to get scanned, I had to tell them I was wearing extensions with metal clips. It then took the doctor and 3 nurses to roll me over and take them all out. Note to self, next time you're going to roll your car, don't wear extensions. After being discharged, having no broken bones-miraculously-except possibly my nose, my parents took me home. During the drive, my dad called the tow company that had my car. Nothing could have even possibly been salvaged. The entire undercarriage had completely detached from the top. Everything was smashed--my wonderful, beautiful, first car that I bought myself, was totaled. That same lady that was so kind that came to the hospital with me had said she watched the whole thing happen. According to her and anyone else on the scene, I should have been dead, or at least severely injured. When I flew off the road, my car was air bourn, and when it came in contact with the ground, it landed on the nose, flipped up, and rolled over. I am positive had I not been wearing my seatbelt, I wouldn't be writing this post. My only prompting was to put it on. This was supposed to happen. What my next steps are will take some praying to figure out, but I am so thankful that I was protected. I'm so grateful to not be paralyzed, or even dead. I'm beyond glad I was the only one in the car, and that no other vehicles or people were involved. I thank my Father in Heaven for this miracle. I lost my car, my phone is less than functional, basically any and all earthly possessions I own are gone, but they are just things. I wanted to express my gratitude for all of you--for your concern, your words of comfort and encouragement, your love. I'm thankful for those strangers who were able to get me to the hospital, and my family who has taken care of me and watch over me. I'm not really grateful for the cop that fined me though. But I love this life I get to keep living. Never forget what is important. Cars, phones, money, its all replaceable. Human life is not. Its fragile and precious. Love those around you, after all, you never know if you have tomorrow.



And that's how I broke my nose the third time...

But seriously.

but ramses is not dancing, he does not dance at the partyyy

LESSON 26: DON'T BE LIKE RAMSES

This is a shout out to the seemingly exponential increase in tools that for some reason think it's acceptable to call me (or anyone) up late to "watch a movie." Especially in the last week. At least try and be original once in a while. Every time your name pops up on my phone, I only have this to say:

Stay classy.
xoxo

so, do you like...cheese?

LESSON 25: TAKING HER TO DINNER

This is a post written by the ever clever, ever dashing Zack Oats, for the fellas wondering what to do after she says "yes." You can find more of his words of wisdom at: http://www.eastercloset.com/

How to Pick a Restaurant for a Date--The 4 Steps

 

First of all, if you didn't know guys, a date, 99% of the time, includes food. If she is sacrificing an evening of the Bachelor to spend with you, you should at least feed her, you cheapo. 

Now, there are two main approaches, making food and going to eat. This post is going to cater to the latter.

You ask her out, she has a lapse of judgement and says yes, and the date is set. 

Stay classy, fellas. 

STEP 1: The day before the date, give her a call in the evening

and give her SOME details on your plan. (Oh, STEP 0 is make a plan.) Don't spoil it, but do let her know what attire would be appropriate Note: do NOT tell her what specifically to wear, but rather I usually say, 'And as far as what to wear, don't worry about wearing stilettos and you can leave your hiking boots at home. We will be mainly in doors.' And let her know that you will be feeding her. Ask her if she has any allergies or any food she hates.

STEP 2: Look in the area of the activity (because you better have an activity planned or you have not read enough of this blog) for a restaurant that fits the allergies and food preference of the date that are within your budget. If you're not sure what your budget is, take a personal finance course. Honestly, man. 

STEP 3: Choose TWO restaurants that look really good to you. For this example, I will choose PF Chang's and California Pizza Kitchen.

STEP 4: When you pick her up and you are on your way to the area of the date, make sure that she is still hungry and didn't just eat by some turn of fate...funerals, surprise bridal showers, roommate breakup consolations are all things that may have happened right before the date. If she is still hungry, ask her which TYPE of restaurant she would like. For my example, I would say something along the lines of, "Awesome! Well would you prefer Chinese or American food?" Let her choose, without telling her the restaurants and then just drive there and surprise her. If she ends up hating that particular place, that's fine because you have your backup. 

This works so much better than just taking a girl somewhere without her having any say or even worse...the kiss of death, "So...where do you want to eat?" I've found that while women might not always know what they want, they know what they do NOT want. 

If you ask "Where do you want to eat?", they are likely to respond, "Anywhere...I'm fine with whatever!" And the following conversation will ensue. 

What happens when you don't feed people that should be.

"Denny's?"

"No..."

"Arby's?"

"Not a huge fan."

"Chef's table?"

"Not really my thing."

"PF Chang's?"

"I've only eaten there once and it wasn't amazing."

"So where do you want to go then??"

"Whereever...I'm not picky."

Listen, fellas, dating can be a lot better if you just plan ahead. As painful as it may be, a poorly prepared date is much worse for the girl. Follow these four steps to picking the restaurant for a date and you will find your evening full of delicious enjoyment and sweet conversation.

what do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?

LESSON 24: OPPOSITES DON'T ALWAYS ATTRACT

I've been reflecting on my dating life lately, whom I have dated, who I would love to go out with again, etc., and I got to thinking about what I am really looking for in a guy. The qualities I want you know? And as I got to reflecting upon all the reason I'm still single, I started wondering if maybe I'm dating the wrong types of guys (because obviously it's not just me.)

I somewhat recently went on a date with someone completely different than anyone I had ever been out with before--now, he was a really nice guy. And I appreciated that he had the courage to actually ask me on a date, and take me somewhere nice, and be polite and courteous. Really, it was nice.

Then we got to talking...Whoever said opposites attract is an idiot.

Things started going down hill when he told me he loved talking animal movies, plummeted when he expressed his love for reading (and I can appreciate reading if I've got an intriguing book, but that's all he likes to do. Just not my cup of tea, you know?) But, despite these interests, and the fact that he tells me he hates everything I love, (country music, romantic comedies, Lord of the Rings, etc) I'm still trying to give him a chance. Now, those of you that know me, know I'm quite the loquacious person. Also, I'm somewhat of an entertainer--I love to be in big crowds, cracking jokes and laughing and all of that. I love dancing, and parties, and meeting new people, making new friends...and as I am telling him about all of this, he stops me cold and tells me his ideal situation is sitting in a room, alone, with no windows, doors, or light of any kind, in complete silence. I almost laughed, until I realized he was dead serious. Then I almost laughed again because that's what I do when I feel awkward. Which is really saying a lot because I rarely--if ever--feel awkward.

You're all probably wondering what conclusion I was lead to after this experience. Don't worry, I did come to one: it really is just me, and I'm just going to keep dating the types of guys I usually do. Or else I'll just stock up on donuts. Either seems to be a valid option at this point.

Also, yes. the title of this blog is quoting Dumb and Dumber.

congrats on your wedding! i'm on my seventh piece of pizza...

LESSON 23: HOW TO NOT MEET PEOPLE AT WEDDINGS

In honor of my bajillion friends that keep getting engaged/married in the recent weeks/months, (that's ok guys, I like being the only single person) whom I am very happy for (I happily see your announcements and pictures as I eat my loneliness away in box after box of pizza) I thought I'd write a post about what a (not) great opportunity it is to meet your own special someone at one of these weddings! Because obviously wedding receptions are to help with your dating game rather to celebrate the happiness and union of your loved ones. (They are just waiting to get this over with so they can consummate the marriage, they don't need your congratulatory handshake...)

Wedding receptions are tricky. You're expected to come to congratulate the newly-weds, bring some kind of gift to help them on their new life's journey together (that you likely won't be a part of anymore) and be happy. Seems simple enough right? Except then arises the eternal question: do you bring a date?

To bring a girl friend/buddy--Last time I brought a girl friend to a reception, the guy that was trying to pick up on me I noticed trying to pick up my friend as well, then asked us both for our numbers simultaneously. I believe we laughed at him and walked away.

To bring a date--everyone else is likely to be coupled off, unless they are little children, however, some people find their eternal companions early on... You could have someone there to talk to, to dance with, to get you food, to be your cover when your brother obnoxiously unzips your pencil skirt in the middle of the night and you aren't keen on the world knowing all the intimate details of your ensemble, etc, etc. But the catch there, is that everyone assumes you're as in love as every other married couple in the room, and ask you when the big day is, which kindles the already present awkward tension because one of you is like, "yeah, when are we?" and the other is like "umm...my foreseeable future includes some cheese fries later...?" A wedding date tends to be a level up in the dating scene, depending on the wedding and who your date will be meeting. So that poses questions as to whether it's "too soon," or if you guys are serious enough, or if its even a big deal at all. So if you're single, maybe you're thinking "ok, skip all that and I'll just go by myself and meet someone! Latida..."

To not bring a date--So you opt to go alone. You get all dressed up, new clothes, new kicks, you're looking so good, you may just end up hitting on yourself. You're being friendly and personable, congratulating the happy couple and having a good time. Then, you grab some grub and have a seat, and chances permit that you end up sitting by a pretty good looking guy (girl.) Checking the finger and taking notice of an anecdote he had told earlier about a recent date he had been on, you conclude that he is available and you start to work your womanly wiles. Twirling your hair and laughing at his jokes, he flirts profusely, almost shamelessly with you, and in your mind, things are going well. You both bid your farewell and you're feeling like if you looked in the mirror, you'd probably see Harrison Ford looking back at you (+15 points if you can name that movie reference.) Later, you're chatting with your recently married friends, and the husband points out that he noticed you and said cute boy from the reception really hitting it off. You play it off cool, like it was no big deal because you obviously hit it off with everyone (not true, you're still single) and you grunt some form of agreement, while inside you replay the nice time you had and a smile dances across your face. Then, this husband friend says "yeah, he hits it off that well with his wife who is currently pregnant with his child..." Nice. 

Solution? Make the wedding cake your date. Because cake has zero commitment issues, it doesn't have a number to give out, and it can't be married. Besides, if you eat it all and get fat, well, you're already single, it's not really a hindrance.

everyone wants to feel safe

I've written a post similar to this one recently, but this one will most likely go a lot more in depth (depending on my attention span.) Watching Les Miserables, Perks of Being a Wallflower, and many conversations as of late have caused me to plunge into a great deal of thinking about perspective.

This is a post about love, but not about dating.

Someone pointed out today that everyone just wants to feel safe.

Everyone just wants to feel loved.

How often do you find yourself pointing out the faults of others, telling them what they aren't doing right, or how they can change? This next part I write at the risk of being hypocritical, but this is not vindictive, or to put him down or to sound self righteous, it's to illustrate my point. I was dating someone that at one point in our relationship told me all the things he thought I was doing wrong. When I asked him why he felt the need to tell me what my faults were (as if I wasn't already aware..) he told me he just wanted to give me the opportunity to change before they were aspects that he would break up with me over. Umm, thanks? (Side note--if you are with someone that has quirks that bother you enough that you feel the need to bring them up in attempts to change them, you probably (definitely) shouldn't be with that person..) I am well aware as much as anyone else that I am so far from perfect. That's just a fact of life--no one will achieve perfection in this life. Period. And that being the case, I know many (if not most) people do this--point out what other people are doing wrong, but how can that be justified when the person pointing it out is far from perfect themselves? It's unnecessary. Because people just want to be loved. I'm a very firm believer that all wrong doings could be stopped if people just loved each other. In Les Mis, Jean Valjean let all of the hatred he held in his heart go when he was shown compassion. Charlie--from Perks of Being a Wallflower was so unsure of who he was and was dealing with such heavy, traumatic experiences that at one (maybe more? I only saw it once) point of the movie, he took drugs because he wanted to feel peace, escape. When he is high off his butt, Sam finds him, and rather than criticising him for what he had done, she holds him. She loves him. He feels safety in this group of friends, and he finds his reason to choose happiness.

Happiness is not a choice--it is a series of choices that we must make over and over again.

Think of how much people would actually change if they wanted to because they felt love and could see the difference a change in their lived would make, because they can see it in someone else's life. I don't believe in changing people. I believe in being an example, in loving--completely, unconditionally. You don't get to choose the parts of people to love. You love people entirely, for everything they are--the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I have a dear friend that I've known for a couple years now. When I first moved to Provo, I practically lived at his apartment, I was over there so often. However, none of my other friends liked him all that much. They all thought he was rude and always asked me why I saw him so often. Now, the reality is, he can be quite rude, and has treated me poorly. So why do I go see him? Because, and I say this not to try and put myself in some kind of sainthood, but simply that I really feel like he doesn't have many people in his life that build him up and are kind to him. If I can be someone that is nice to him and makes him feel of worth, that makes him feel loved, then why wouldn't I spend time with him? I think it's hard (although definitely not impossible) to show compassion when you are never shown any.

I know some really incredible people. My family and friends are truly wonderful, always opening their hearts and doing what they can to make other people feel special, important. I owe so much of who I am and my views about myself to their kindness. My parents whom, even when I went through those really rough, awkward years (it hits some of us harder than others) always told me I was beautiful, and encouraged my testimony and spirit. My siblings who tell me I'm funny. My best friend who has never put me down, even in jokes. These people truly make me feel worthwhile, and I think its the bare minimum I can do to try and return that favor to anyone else. Because we all deserve it.

So maybe, rather than judging others that make mistakes different than you, we can all just try to understand. We all are flawed. We all mess up. But that's what makes us human. That's what makes us beautiful. Despite all the things we do wrong, I think everyone deep down is trying to do what they think is right. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said so eloquently "don't judge me because I sin differently than you." Back tracking a little to Les Mis again, although everyone in the story seemed to have different views and values and goals, they all were just trying to do what they thought was best. I don't condone selling your body for money, but Fantine was just trying to care for her daughter. And Javert was supposed to be the villain, but he believed in justice, and he was just trying to fight for that cause. But I digress. The point I'm trying to make, is that everyone views things differently, so before you try to change them, try first to understand what's truly in their heart, and just embrace them.


"You cannot save people. You can only love them." --Anaïs Nin

who wants a little TLC?--tinder loving care

LESSON 22: GETTING PERSONAL

I know I just posted about texting, but bare with me. I was chatting with my roommates a while ago, as per ush, and as women always do, we got to talking about guys and dating and such, when one of my roommates presented the idea "because people can text, they feel no need to date." I've been thinking a lot about that, and sadly, I think she's spot on.

Back in the day, if someone wanted to talk to another person, they would go see them. For all the perks today's technological advances have provided, I vehemently feel it's also the cause of a lot of lost personal contact. If I want to see how someone's day was, I just have to shoot them a text. I don't even have to leave the comfort of my own bed. And what is dating? It's getting to talk to and know people, seeing if you are compatible and if you like each other. Although I am guilty of having done this from time to time, I hate hate hate when you meet someone new, there's this spark and undeniable chemistry between you, and then you start texting, and the texts are all "what's your ambition in life, who is your role model, what's your favorite color" etc, etc. Blah. See, there is nothing wrong with these questions, but why wouldn't you want to ask them in person? I understand that because of different circumstances and distance, it's not always possible to see someone face to face every time you want to talk to them, but isn't that where the majority of your interaction should be? I like texting as much as the next girl, and I think it's a nice idea that you see someone's number pop up on your phone because they were thinking about you and wanted to say hello, but how much more romantic would it be if they just showed up in person? I just find it very impersonal to have "get to know you" conversations when you first meet someone. Once you guys know each other well enough or you want to set up a time to drop by or whatever, then it's no big deal--I just personally agree that texting has taken over what dates should be for.

Now, in relation, it's time to write about that online dating tool that has become increasingly popular among many of this generation--Tinder. There is no profile to fill out, so there's no sense of emotional or mental compatibility, it's all based on looks, (and a friend of mine mentioned that he tends to swipe girls that have mutual friends in common.) If you're attractive, you get a right swipe, plain and simple....regardless of whether or not you're even real.

Wednesday night, BYU students Bowman Bagley, and roommates Danny Gessel and Joshua Valdez conducted a little experiment. They created a fake profile for a girl they called Sammy, with a pretty face, and ended up grabbing the attention of hundreds of guys, from 19-30, being "matched" with about 250 men. The only exchange between this alleged beauty and these victims was "I’m going to yogurt shop called yogurtland tonight at 9 in orem with some girl friends if you want to meet up ;)". Then the pranskters went to Yogurtland to watch their social experiment unfold:

(photo credit: Bowman Bagely)

 

About six dozen men arrived to meet this fictitious woman. “The whole place, just groups of guys after groups of guys showing up in to this little yogurt place on a Thursday night to meet this girl that no one’s ever heard of, has no friends on Facebook or anything,” he said. “People were sitting there on their cars outside the shop watching with their friends to see if this girl would ever show up. A group would leave and a new wave of people would walk in, look at every single girl in the shop and stand against the wall 15 minutes by themselves waiting for this one fake person.”--Bagely told Huffington Post. Now, if you were to go into any given hot tub at any given time in Provo, Utah, you would almost certainly find it completely full of dudes, with maybe one or two girls. And even for someone who has said myself that usually 12 guys try and pick up one girl, I'm impressed. This was brilliant, and my only regret is that I didn't think of it first.

 

So the moral of this post? Meet people organically, and get to know them authentically, genuinely. Technology and social media has so desensitized people, from the kids I teach that are 13, to adults I know at 30, that nearly 70 men will congregate at a yogurt shop to see a pretty girl that messaged them on an app. That blows my mind. Get out and meet people, then see them face to face. Have real life, personal conversations and connections. I would absolutely prefer sitting, talking with a guy that points out over the course of a conversation that I have a crooked smile that he thinks is endearing or whatever (this is me not putting you in my blog,while indirectly still putting you in my blog) than have some stranger like some "perfect" picture I had put up, essentially as an advertisement. If you're going to sit on your phone and swipe faces instead of going out and being personable, then I'm sorry, but you deserve to have this prank pulled on you--because it was super funny. Just my thoughts.

bst d8 evr!

LESSON 21: TEXTING ON DATES

In this age of advanced technology, where you have the world in your hand, it's easy to become consumed in phones, tablets, Macbooks, etc. But there's a time and place for everything. Dates are a time for personal interaction and communication--a time that I feel is increasingly diminishing in society. A time to get to know someone, real, right in front of you. So leave your phone alone. If I take my phone around with me on a date (usually I leave it in the car) I won't check/answer it. Texting someone else on your date is the rudest gesture, and easiest sign to show disinterest. Nothing says "your personality and time unimportant to me" quite like texting someone else on your date.

Of course, if you don't want your date to text while out with you, you need to be engaging. Ask her questions, laugh at his jokes, genuinely show interest in the person you are with. Both of you are there by choice. Remember that.

everybody, everybody wants to love

"I want you to levitate; I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart... Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived." - - Meet Joe Black

Everything I feel about love comes from this quote. Meet Joe Black is one of my most favorite movies--and for those of you who have seen it, I know, it's incredibly long and slow moving, but it's so full of passion, love, what life should be. It's really wonderful. And any time I think about falling in love, it all comes back to that quote. Loving with your entire being, holding nothing back. To love with passion and excitement, no reservations. Just two people, being who they are, loving and being loved for that completely.

And I don't know where this is coming from. Maybe it's just that life is really wonderful right now, despite some struggles, and I just can't stop laughing or smiling, and for some reason that just makes me want to be in love! I have great jobs that make me incredibly happy to work, I've got friends, family, and roommates that I adore, and I have a knowledge of the gospel and a relationship with my Savior.

Most of all, I've just been looking at life, asking the question: does it really matter? In the eternal perspective of things, will this matter?

I've focused a lot of time and energy on problems beyond my control, and I've finally let them all go. With this new sense of freedom, I just want to live and love, and experience life. There are so many wonderful beautiful things in this world, and I want to enjoy them all, to have eyes wide open and a heart to treasure it all in.

Perhaps this is all a little crazy and hard to follow, so in short, I just want to say: LOVE LIFE! AND LOVE LOVE! It's my new found resolve to embody all the passion and thrill this world has to offer in this short time we all have to live in it.

And although I am talking about the kind of love between two people, I also mean in general. Love for friends, work, school, (which I don't go to) etc. I think too often many people only let themselves feel half-heartedly. Myself included at times. But I also think that we aren't meant to live like that. Every moment is precious, every person is precious, why don't we all just open ourselves entirely and let it all in, while giving our whole hearts away in return? Don't let the world make you afraid, don't let it make you cold. If you emit life and warmth and energy, people are going to come from miles around to catch a glimpse.

So smile wider, laugh often, and love with everything you have. Because that's what makes life grand.