Saturday, August 31, 2013

let's go to the bank-ank, let's go cash our pay. they say, what they gonna say?


*Note: All names have been changed for the privacy of those involved. And although it sounds made up, it is 100 percent true. (Except the names..)

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Her name was, Rolivia. She liked this boy. His name was HotShot. Now, Rolivia and HotShot kind of started this thing, and it was all cute and flowers and birds singing. He told her he wanted to see if she was the girl he could marry, and blah blah blah. Whatever. That's another story. Anyways, then he blew her off--no one blows of Rolivia--and tells her about all the girls that are trying to date him because he's a big deal. So she calls him up to tell him what an idiot he is. The conversation does not go well...

All that being said, Rolivia is now in a so super bad mood. Which she is almost never anything but a shiny happy person! But not today. And here's where our real story starts. It is a Monday.

Rolivia has the day off work, so she decides to run some errands. Literally, because she totaled her car so she has no other mode of transportation. Except her bike which she frequently crashes. In any case, she is running all over town, sweating in the blistering July heat, when she remembers she needs to go to the bank to deposit her tips. Now, Rolivia is still in a very bad mood,  and when she walks into the bank, she's all sweaty and has no more make up and she knows her tips to deposit are pathetic, so she just wants to get in and out as fast as humanly possible. So one of the tellers calls her over, pulls up her account, tries to make polite chit chat. He asks her if she's working...(the next part is relevant, I promise.)

JULY 29, 2013
3:00 PM  

Rolivia: Yes.

Bank Dude: Where do you work?

Rolivia: PF Chang's.

Bank Dude: Oh cool! Do you know Schela?

Rolivia: I do, she's great

Bank Dude: I love her! We used to hang out all the time...blah blah blah.

Rolivia: Cool, well, I gotta go. Thanks for your help

End of interaction.

JULY 29, 2013
4:19 PM

*New text from an unknown number*
Hey! How are you?

R: I'm sorry, I recently got a new phone, who is this?

Unknown: do you remember who just helped you at the bank...
*he did not ever tell me his name *

R: Um did you just get my number from Schela?

Creepy Bank Dude: if that creeps you out I just couldn't ask you out at work

R: I'm not available to be asked out

Creepy Bank Dude: Oh! I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Well feel free to come in the bank anytime;)


Later that evening I met up with Schela and asked her if she gave some creepy boy my number. She said she didn't and proceeded to tell me all the terrible stories about him trying to make a move on her while she's involved with someone else. I mean, she's a babe, but dude, for real? All that being said, I had to conclude that he got my number from my account in the bank system...

*Text Conversation*

R: So I'm sitting here with Schela...she didn't give you my number. I feel like it's a serious violation of my privacy for you to get it from the bank system

CBD: I'm sick to my stomach, and sorry.

9:50 AM

*New text*

CBD: What do you want from me?

I then proceeded to lay into him about the seriousness of his violation. The super long, in depth seriousness that makes him realize he can lose his job. He pleads for understanding, and I stop responding...

I never made a formal complaint, but you can pretty much guess that he cried. And probably pooped his pants. But I guarantee he won't be trying that again!

Let's see what Channing Tatum and Jimmy Fallon have to say about it all..

Monday, August 12, 2013

they call her love

Girls are fragile souls,
Each with their own set of insecurities.
Only wanting to feel loved
Wanting to feel wanted

So tell her she's beautiful.

Not that she's skinny
Or has a tight butt
But that her eyes smile when she does
That she radiates light and life

Just tell her that she's beautiful

She's beautiful because God made her
And He doesn't make mistakes
Her body is a temple--
And what two temples look the same?

But aren't they all beautiful?

Some girls are thin, some are short
Some have freckles and scars
Few look like models
And even they ask

Why aren't I beautiful?

In this world it is common
To never feel pretty enough
And why are views so clouded?
Why can't girls see their worth?

Because you didn't tell her she was beautiful.

Simply because she is.

A woman's perspective begins with her father. Does he dote on her? Remind her always that she is a princess? See her as the most spectacular being that's ever graced this earth?

My dad has treated every woman in his life as precious. His mom, his sisters, my mom, my sisters, myself--he has never said any of us are anything less than beautiful. What a wonderful gift, to know a man like that.

Today is my dad's birthday. As a family tradition, we gather around and each say why we love who's birthday it is. Tonight, my sister said that she was a princess. To anyone who knows her, this is nothing new, because she tells everyone to call her that. However, tonight she pointed out that she's a princess, because my dad has always made her feel as so. I'm not a girl who struggles with self confidence, and that is directly a result of the way my father talks to me, and what he and my mother have taught me. Happy birthday Dad! Thanks for being so wonderful:)

But not every girl has received the luxury of such adoring parents-of a father that treats everyone as a princess, a prince, a royal child with immeasurable worth.

So for the girls who don't know, for those who haven't been told, let them know they are beautiful. Not because she is a size 2 or has long blonde hair and perfect skin, but because she is kind, tender, funny, smart, compassionate, hopeful. As men, you have real power to influence the way a girl views herself, so please, I implore you....

tell her she's beautiful

Saturday, August 3, 2013

cool story, bro


Lately, I've had some radical (ninja turtles FTW) experiences with guys. And as a girl with many guy friends, I often share these stories, and then I am presented the question: "am I that guy?"
Oho. You silly. Of course not, or else I wouldn't be sharing these stories with you. In any case, I've been working on this list for quite some time, and I finally feel after meeting someone who supported every one of the items on this list, that it is complete. So please, enjoy. But proceed with caution--if you are a bro, you shouldn't read this. Likely many of you will get offended. However, I don't really care.

1. You have a (excuse my language) "douche-tooth"

2. Your swim trunks are shorter than the girls' shorts.

3. Your shirt is unbuttoned down to your bellybutton.

4. You do summer sales.

5. You commonly (or ever) sport a bro-tank

6. Or you commonly, unnecessarily sport no shirt at all.

7. Then you take shirtless selfies. Or bathroom selfies. Just selfies in general. Did you forget you are not, in fact, a teenage girl?

8. You smell like you just took a bath in your cologne.

9. You have ever verbally hash-tagged #Kasey

10. You watch bachelor/bachelorette so you know what I'm referring to above.

11. You feel the need to talk (loudly) about your workout. So you benched 250, big deal. I eat entire large Domino's pizza's by myself.

12. When talking to a girl, you go on and on about your accomplishments, how you're an entrepreneur (which is usually code for "I'm old, single, out of school, and have no job") how much money you have, or your motorcycle. Wait, I dig motorcycles. Scratch that last one. But do ask us a question. Our name is a good one to start with.

13. Your favorite place to hang out is the hot tub. Usually populated with 10 guys for every girl.

14. You use Tinder.

15. You use the expression/hashtag "sun's out, guns out" in reference to your body.

16. You are a "Bronie"

17. You like to text girls late at night. Like we don't know you have texted "what are you doing?" to 12 other women...

18. You give girls little to no notice to hang out. And then get mad when we always say no.

19. You tuck your ears into your hat (sorry Garrett). There used to be a sign in Orem for some sketchy security company that flashed a picture of a guy wearing a hat with his ears tucked in, and then an invitation to join the company. I can't remember the name, but I'm pretty sure it's actually a secret (not so secret) club for only the highest level of tool.

20. You have a bro-hawk/-bro-llet. Seriously, who decided these hair cuts were cool? Didn't the whole mullet thing die out in the 70's? Some things need to stay dead.

21. You try and kiss every girl who looks at you.

22. You have ever called girls "hunnies"

23. You try to pick a girl up by presenting her with the following situation: "So I am like dating this girl, and she's cool or whatever, but he friend is super into me, so in your opinion is it cool if I date both of them? Maybe you want to go out too?" Because that has happened.

24. Without any other conversation, you walk up and ask a girl for her number.

25. You work for Vivint.

26. "Dat (insert noun here) doe" has ever come out of your mouth.

27. You classify people as sheep or wolves, or sheep in wolves' clothing.