Friday, September 28, 2012

your muscles are huge! kiss me


I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine the other day, and I said, as a lady, I think it's shady if a boy kisses you before the third date. He told me that it should be the second date because, "boys feel entitled to a first date. A second date however, means that she liked him enough to go out with him again, and therefore, he can kiss her."

A little food for thought. He has a very solid point. So I got to thinking...

First date kiss--I know from experience and have been told this many times, a boy will kiss a girl on the first date if he doesn't see it going anywhere. So ladies, if its your first date, and he leans in 90 degrees, he doesn't like you. He lusts you. And I've heard the line "I don't know what it is about you. I never kiss girls on the first date. You're just different. You're special. I feel this connection with you.." blah blah blah. He is so full of crap, and he's going to try to schmooze his way in. I've fallen for it. But I've learned better, so now I'm sharing my wisdom with you. And even on the rare occasion that it all might be true, if you kiss him on your first date, you're already taking big steps and crossing lines in that relationship that you can't take back. And things will escalate quicker. But just try to remember, you're not the exception. Ever. You're the rule. Sorry.

Second date kiss--For me, this is like, hey you're cool, we have fun together, let's see if we have some potential towards a relationship. This is more, getting to know the person, finding out a little bit more about how they think, just a little more insight into their story. For me personally, this is still too early for taking that step. I still feel like, I don't really know him, he doesn't really know me, so how could he know if he wants to get involved emotionally with me?

Third date kiss--Here's where the money is at. Because usually, by now, you've spent enough time together to know if you like him, if he likes you, if y'all can pursue some kind of real relationship*.

*If he kisses you and doesn't want to establish a relationship, then he sucks. Friends should never kiss friends. President Spencer W. Kimball said “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when handed out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?”

In a 2001 New Era, Bruce Monson gives a talk on this subject, and I think he's got a really solid point. Read it. I've had many conversations on the subject and I'm tired of arguing with friends that kissing with no strings attached is wrong. Read again what President Kimball has to say. I have nothing left to add.

And while on the subject, girls, if a boy calls you after 9pm to "come watch a movie," he's horny and he just wants to kiss you. That is a booty call. It's a jerk move on his part, and a decision of loose morals on yours if you respond. You have so much value as a woman, as a lady, as a daughter of God. Don't cheapen yourself. And don't put him in that position either, (because I know boys aren't the only one to use this trick.) I truly feel that if everyone recognized their self worth, we would all treat each other better.

"People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are being loved and people are being used."--Anonymous

Friday, September 21, 2012

let's be friends


Sierra, this one is for you.

Now, we could debate the complexities of the alleged "friendzone" and whether or not one can
get out of this type of purgatory---

Borimir says no, to which I argue, it can be done. However, I do agree it can be hard, so enclosed are tips for avoiding it altogether. This one is for everyone. Girls and boys. We all know the feeling.

Last post I talked about flirting. Flirting is always a good precaution to avoiding being just friends. Because flirting (if done right) can effectively lead to dates. And dates are the first step to dating. Obvs.

Now, you've flirted, you touched his elbow, he asked your for your number and a date, you're in right? Wrong. One date does not allow for escape. So here's what to do and/or avoid:

In my opinion the number one reason people stay friends, is because they are scared. So suck it up. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone has broken a heart. It's just how things go, and how they will continue to go until you get married. You just need to learn that everyone has something to offer, and something to teach you. Stop being a baby and crying about your last relationship that went sour and left you broken, because we've all been there. Take time to heal, that's cool. But if you swear off dating forever because your former 'lover' "really hurt you" is wrong. You're not alone. I've been hurt just like everyone else, and after some time, I'm better. I learned something and that's what's important. Take a risk. If you aren't getting your heart broken, you aren't doing it right.

1. Do not hangout. If a boy likes you, and you like him, you need to make him take you on dates. It's classy. And old fashioned. And it works. Hanging out is not only what friends do, but it is what the Apostles counsel us NOT to do. They are inspired. Good rule of thumb--always listen to Jesus.

2. Do not talk about other boys. I don't know why girls do this. It is the ultimate "I'm not interested in you" message. It will not make him jealous. It will not make him like you better. It will just turn him off.

3. Do not go on lunch dates. Lunch dates are friend dates. It means he's not into you. Sorry.

4. I love you. A friend of mine had this status: "Whenever anyone tells you that they love you, you are being "zoned". Either family zoned, lover zoned, or friend zoned (most commonly the latter)" 'Nuff said.

(much of this is the same on your end)

1. If you like a girl, do not be her girlfriend. Do not go shopping with her, do not buy her groceries, do not let her get so comfortable around you that she doesn't care if you see her without make-up...or wearing crocs.

All these things are fine if you guys love each other, but until you're together, if you do these things, she's going to make you her best friend. Except, even if you are in love and happily married, never wear crocs.

2. Do not talk about other girls. Girls do get jealous. And it's obnoxious. And it eludes to you being a player. Which nice girls don't like anyways. 

3. Do not accept or offer lunch dates. Taker her out on real ones.


Everyone hates it. And everyone thinks it's stupid. But it has to be played. If there's no chase, no mystery, one or both parties will get bored and move on. I'm not saying to mess with each other's heads and emotions, or to be a tool/floozie, or to be dishonest. I'm just telling you, don't show all your cards upfront. Everyone has something to offer, something different and beautiful, something not everyone knows, so make them work to see that. You're worth it. Promise.

Now, I'm not saying these tips are foolproof. You're not going to be able to date everyone who catches your eye, because that's just not plausible. Unless you are Ryan Gosling. As for the rest of us, we aren't compatible with everyone, and that's cool. That's what dates are for! To find out. I'm a big fan of dates...

If anyone else has anything to add or share, or questions to ask, feel free. These are just tricks I've learned from personal experience.

Monday, September 17, 2012

flirting 101




LADIES! Recently, I've had some girl friends talk to me about how they somehow always become the "best friend" to the boy(s) they are interested in.

"Coach me how to flirt!" (actual quote)

Now, let's face it. Flirting is an art form. Here are the top flirty signals to let a guy know you dig him.

Step 1. Check the finger. Just make sure you do your part and check. You don't want to waste your wiles on someone that's already taken. Plus, then you'll avoid being a home wrecker.

Step 2. Giggle. Every guy thinks he's Jimmy Fallon, so just laugh at him. Boys like laughy girls. I've recently started a job as a waitress, and in the last 2 days, I've had a man and his son, and an old woman tell me (separately) "laughing girls are marriageable girls. Girls that laugh all the time and are happy are the first to get married."

Step 3. Hair twirl. Boys, subconsciously or not, look for it. And I must tell you, it has yet to fail me. I get free meals when I go into food places alone, I got a free smart phone, it's how I get out of trouble for a lot of things, and it's one of the cutest ways to tell a guy you're interested.

Step 4Touching. Elbow touching to be exact. Touch a boy's elbow, it's a sure fire way to let a boy know you're interested. Why? I have no idea. But for whatever reason, it works.

Now, girls, these are the most effective, important flirtations that I have found to work--flirting is certainly not limited to what I have specified though.

If anyone has any tips or questions they'd like to ask or share, feel free to comment or message me. I'll take your identity to the grave. And I won't be offended. Thanks gurlssss (and undoubtedly guys)