don't say I didn't warn you

"Got a long list of ex-lovers, 

They'll tell you I'm insane

But I got a blank space baby,

And I'll write your name"

Let's talk crazy girl.

We all know her.

Guys, you have dated her, talked about her, avoided her, loved her, hated her, and recently I realized, I am her.

So is T Swizzle. And just about every other female who has ever dated/liked/talked to a guy. At one point or another, we ladies all become "that girl."

It's not like we are born that way--alright, maybe, definitely some are--but most girls that guys tell stories about how crazy they are, are like that because we are reacting to some stupid stunt a guy has pulled. For each girl that is crazy is most likely a man that has made her that way.

Take Taylor Swift's song Blank Space. In my opinion, she approaches this new guy like, hey man, let's see where this goes. Then he tells lies and calls other girls and she gets mad. And everyone is all, oh wow, she is a loon (or so say her exes) and I'm over here like, uh hello, she is just mad because he was being a sleaze. AmIright?

Wanna know a secret? Basically all girls tend to have emotional reactions to shady moves, pulled by ignoramus men.

Surprise!

And yes, girls act shady and make boys angry as well, I'm not discounting that.

However, since I have only ever been a lady, and this blog is about my experiences and is in fact, my blog, I'm just focusing on the girls' side of things.

Also because the experiences I have been having lately are highly suspect. And I do what I want.

As evidence to support my case, I present two stories.

Story 1.

There once was a boy named *Brady. He was cute and in my ward, and I thought it would be a great idea to talk to him. We conversed a few times and finally he asked for my number.

We went for a drive that afternoon to see the leaves change colors in the canyon, had this great talk, and when he walked me to my door he asked me on a date.

So in my mind, this is off to a great start.

Later in the week, he invited me to go to Salt Lake City with him where he kissed me. So many red flags went up I thought I took a turn into Soviet Russia. Some times goes by and he "forgets" that he asked me on a real date (other than the pretend SLC date we went on.)

How lucky am I? So I just try to let it go.

Of course, it should have been easy since, like a real adult, he would completely avoid all eye contact with me whatsoever at church.

Apparently we are five.

But then he decides to consistently like every picture I put up on instagram. Okay I know, not a really big deal, but it was annoying.

And I am the type of abrasive person that doesn't let people get away with pulling unscrupulous moves...so I called him out. I told him to either stop ignoring me at church and liking all my posts on instagram, or ignore me in all capacities.

                                                                  It went quite well

He also told our mutual friend that she should have told me about all the girls he kissed. Obviously that excuses him. Silly her.

Point---I was the wacko girl who called him out and told him to stop liking her pictures.

Trivial? Yes.

Justified? I think so.

Don't pretend to be a nice guy that tells a girl he likes her and then treats her like a notch in the belt.

Am I so out of line to be mad because he lied to me, kissed me, "forgot" about our date, and then ignored me in real life while obnoxiously stalking my insta?


Story number 2:

This next one is a real treat. It's actually in response to the previous story. So I am talking to one of my best friends about Brady, and she asks if I have considered meeting guys on Tinder.

Of course I laughed and laughed and laughed some more because, Tinder. But we had this long chat about it, and I caved.

Yeah, I got a Tinder.

Whatever.

I figured, there couldn't be worse guys on there than I was meeting in real life.

I was wrong. Oh so wrong.

Turns out, I'm afraid of meeting guys on Tinder.

I mean, I am terrified of men I meet in real life at my Institute classes and at church.

How could I have any comfort meeting guys on an app, right? Except about half the couples that have come into my diamond store in the last month have met each other on Tinder, and now they are getting married. My roommate included.

So I tried to utilize it, but being the big fat chicken that I am, I only would click on boys I already knew or had met in real life.

So, really effective. I know.

Among those guys, I came across this guy named *Ty. I thought he was a fox when I met him at church maybe 2 years ago, so of course I swiped him. And he swiped me back, which as you may or may not know, allows you to be able to message each other. That's when I received this message:

First of all, it is evident he doesn't remember meeting me (which I think was already established that I take being forgotten super well,) and my legs? I put up a picture of when I went and hiked the Subway at Zion National Park because it was one of the best trips of my life and hiking is something I love to do, but really?

Homeboy has one chance to make an impression here and he leads with that? I'm sure he is sincerely interested in talking to me and getting to know my personality.

**Guys, hint, if you want to impress a girl, do not lead with "nice legs." If I could have slapped him, I would have.**

In case you haven't already deduced, I am not really the type to let a comment like that go. After all, I am my mother's daughter.

I messaged him back. I said, "oops, you forgot we met already."

He was like, "yea I did, remind me!"

To which I didn't respond. I gave him a chance.

Here was the moment to walk away.

Unfortunately he did not see this advantageous opportunity and continued to message me. He wanted to know where we met, and when I told him, he unapologetically acknowledged that he had no memory of me. I cannot tell you how flattered I was. And after that, he said he would be interested in remeeting me. I let him know I wasn't really interested.

He took it with grace, dignity, and unfathomable maturity.

So then he told me I had daddy issues and something else I can't remember.

Sure, I was the psycho girl that told him I wasn't flattered by him sexualizing me or not remembering me at all, but he was the rat that thought he was being charming by letting me know how much he likes my legs, and lashes out when he gets called out for his hideodorous pick up tactics.

I am not insecure about my looks. Tell me I'm hilarious and that you want to buy me tacos. I am not a complicated woman.


What do we take away from this?

All girls every where are susceptible to this sickness. Like a cold, we all catch it at one time or another.

But fellas, when you tell story after story about all the insane women you keep meeting, just keep in mind, YOU MAY BE THE COMMON FACTOR.

If you think all the girls you go out with are nuts, maybe its time to consider that you are a total bag. Just thinking out loud here.

On behalf of the crazies.

You know you love me

Xoxo

*names have been changed. I don't really know why. I don't care if they see. Get a grip.

this is why we can't have nice things

I never really believed in karma. I believe in consequences from choices. Which, maybe is the same thing, but I never really thought the universe was in charge of making sure each person who punched a gypsy in the groin eventually gets kicked in the pants. (+50 points if you guess that reference.) Probably mostly because last year was the year from hell, and I couldn't imagine what I might have done to have karma bite me in the butt so hard. Please don't be too impressed by the eloquence of that last statement.

Wise man says that to state past performance is no indicator of future performance is a sucker's maxim. That in mind, I would like to explicitly state that I do not believe in being a victim of circumstance. However, the events of last year, and my financial woes, combined with multiple horrific accidents, I have had the mindset that I would probably perpetually be poor and struggling. Even after quitting my sub job and starting at a diamond store, I could see the difference in my bank account, but I could not make my mind believe that I was any better off. Regardless, I made a budget and convinced myself I needed a car again. I mean, as much fun as it is walking to work in the cold and what would eventually become freezing/snowy conditions, it just wasn't practical. And I wanted to be a real adult again, take charge of my situation, be independent. So I bought one.

I bought a car.

Then the next day, I had a complete break down, drove back to the dealership and tried to return it. Because in my mind, I am still in that rut of having no money, not being able to afford things or take care of myself. Which, coincidentally is why I would shy away from relationships in the past. I just thought, if I could barely get by trying to take care of myself, how could I be responsible to anyone else? Why would I be good enough to be with someone, when I felt like I had nothing?

Then last night, I was spending time with some truly amazing girls. We laughed until we cried, and we started talking about a myriad of things--including the aforementioned car situation. Then, one of the girls looks at me and says, "remember the lilies." I look at her and think what she could mean, and it comes to me. This chick is nuts. What the freak lilies is she talking about? She explained, "God takes care of even the little plants and flowers that can't take care of themselves. Why do you think He wouldn't take care of one of His children? He takes care of the lilies." Then she went on to talk about how you get out what you put in. If you believe you deserve good things, you will get good things.

I realized how painstakingly right she was. Not because the universe rewards good thoughts and deeds, but the Lord does. And if I believe I can afford the things I want, I will do whatever I can to make it happen, and that's how Heavenly Father can most easily bless you, I think. So I don't have to be afraid of being in the same situation I was in last year, because I'm not. And I never want to be again. I believe I have so much to offer, as a person, in my ability to love unconditionally and wholeheartedly, so I don't have to even give a second thought to boys who think its acceptable to kiss girls and play them like a soccer game. Turds. I know you know better. And I am so much more than that. So, as stressed as buying that car initially made me, I am completely in love with it now. With my capability to pay for it, my will to succeed, and with the idea that romance is real and I am worth loving. Ultimately, what you believe you have to offer is what you will give. In life, love, and everything else. Our Father in Heaven has never forgotten us. He has a plan for each of us individually and truly, all He wants is our happiness and well being. Whether through trials or blessings, you are being taken care of.

Always, remember the lilies.

Time to have "the talk"

This morning I came across an article from Cosmo Magazine, written by a girl who has decided she wants to fight BYU's "ban on sex." Normally, I stay out of controversial arguments directed to/about BYU, because I don't really care. I don't go to the school. I don't necessarily have any loyalties to it.

I have hesitated to say anything on here about feminism in the LDS culture, because I have friends on all sides and the last thing I would ever want is to say something that would hurt anyone's feelings. For the purposes of this post, however, it seems necessary to address it. I am, what could probably be considered the anti-feminist. So perhaps my understanding of the movement is skewed, and if that is true, forgive my ignorance--but as I understand it, the feminist movement is all about empowering women. About women raising above where they feel society has placed them. Which I will assume is where Keli Byers takes a stance. In her article, she states she is a member of the "Young Mormon Feminists, a group that's not endorsed by the Church or BYU. We talk about how the Church doesn't see women as equal to men and how BYU is slut-shaming. The school's honor code forces women to dress modestly — no skirts above the knee — supposedly to help men control their thoughts. The group helped me reclaim my sexuality and realize my sexual assault wasn't my fault. I'm now in a questioning phase with the Church. I still think the idea of committing to someone for eternity is beautiful, but the Church could use improvement in the way it treats women." 

I 100% believe she can do whatever she wants, and be a part of whatever group makes her happy or feel better. Such is her prerogative. And my issue isn't even really her petition against BYU. I have many thoughts about that, however, I don't want to beat that dead horse about BYU being a private institution and that no one is forced to go there, and choosing to go there means choosing to uphold the standards it has taken on, because its not exactly a secret that BYU is a school where many many students choose to attend for its high upheld standards...then again, maybe I do.

My real issue is the light, or I guess more appropriately darkness, that has been cast over the Church and its treatment of the sexually active or assaulted. She addresses both.

When she talks about her own sexual assault, she mentions that she is banned from church. No one is banned from church, leastwise someone who has been sexually assaulted. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for 21 years. Not once, in any capacity, have I been taught that one that has been sexually violated is dirty. Never. So perhaps she misunderstood her bishop, or misconstrued his words, and obviously I wasn't there, and I can't say anything first hand, but I do know that we are explicitly taught that that type of violation is something a victim will not and can not be held accountable for. If anyone has yet to read The Miracle of Forgiveness, I would highly encourage it. I know it has been addressed that the Atonement of Jesus Christ is advised for those who are and have been victims, because the Atonement was made for so much more than sins. It is for all hurts, all pain, mending broken lives, putting hearts and souls back together--whether they were broken by our own actions, or the fault of another. It is all encompassing.

Now, I would like to address this next part with the utmost humility. I have avoided talking about sex on here for the very reason that I believe it is sacred. In terms of her call for accepting a sexual lifestyle. The way I see it, she either feels that only men are allowed to be sexual and have sexy time without consequences, or she wants it to be acceptable for everyone to be sexually active. Either way you look at it, as far as I can see, it's wrong. I know for a fact, from men I know personally, that if they are caught having sex under contract, they get kicked out of BYU. They are breaking the contract, the promise they made to be chaste while living in BYU housing, attending the university. And let's also address real quick, that if you are married, BYU doesn't care if you have sex--as long as it is faithfully and within the confines of your marriage. So it doesn't ban sex. It bans promiscuity. The Church, likewise, teaches that sex, outside the bands of marriage is wrong. Not because sex is bad, or because the Church wants people to be miserable, but because the very act of a husband and wife making love is the ultimate sign of love, and we believe it is as close as we mortal beings can get to the glory of God in this life. We believe sex is the intertwining and union of two souls. That is why it is viewed with such seriousness and severity if it is abused. I think it's a little silly for her to proclaim herself to be "just a sexual person." If you talk with just about any human being with a pulse, they will tell you they want to have sex all the time. Now, depending on the person, some are practiced and capable of managing and controlling the urge to jump into bed with everyone they have ever loved, liked, or for some people, anyone who is willing. The bottom line is, everyone is sexual. To one extent or another, everyone is, and to pretend you alone are the only one who loves to make love, is ignorant and incredibly naive. I don't have sex because I believe that it is an expression of love, vulnerability, and happiness that I only want to share with one person, for all eternity. I don't have sex because I can't personally bear to give that much of my heart, that part of myself, to anyone but the one man that I know will love me unconditionally always. Because I still believe in that once in a lifetime, forever kind of love. Because I am confident. Because I know that my body is a sacred gift that was loaned to me by the Father in Heaven, and that I get to choose who I get to share it with. And, because I only want to merge souls with one person, completely, beautifully, indefinitely.

I don't mean to tear this girl down, as it would appear she is having serious struggles. I can't imagine the kind of pain she must feel to undergo a struggle of faith. I just feel, as a member of the LDS faith, especially as a woman, I want to proclaim with everything I am, that I do not feel oppressed. My understanding of the gospel is that our Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children with perfect equality. I know that He doesn't love men more than women, and I know that if He intended for women to hold the priesthood, we would. God's laws cannot be changed or altered by man. That is an eternal and fundamental principal of the gospel. I have never, ever felt like I am less than another. I would encourage anyone who feels differently to search their scriptures, pour their heart out in prayer, and build their relationship with Heavenly Father. I testify that every soul is precious in the eyes of God, and that if we all will let Him, He will show us how incredible true that is.

nice guys...blah blah blah

GUEST POST!

I was talking with a friend of mine a few weeks ago, and he was going on about how he is always hearing about how "nice guys finish last." In my head, I'm just thinking great, another whiny nice guy debate. I bet pureeing my ovaries would be more fun than to talk about this again... Then he started expressing his take on the...phenomenon, I guess we may appropriately call it. I was intrigued to hear his thoughts. He then asked me if he could write a blog about it so I could publish from a guy's point of few on the matter. Then a while ago, an article emerged that was a letter a girl had written to herself, kicking herself for letting the nice guy go. I showed the article to Nick, (the aforementioned friend) and his response was to email me the following:

It has come to my attention that an increasing number of the male population are coming down with a terrible affliction. Diagnosis? Nice Guy Syndrome. Sufferers of NGS assume that life isn't fair to "nice" guys and that "nice" guys finish last. Well, "nice" guys do indeed finish last. They finish after ugly guys, even. And there is a very good reason for this. No, women don't love jerks. No, women are not the most shallow people, nor are they animalistic. They just crave a relationship with a little substance, with something deeper than "niceness." Oh, and being nice for your own personal gain isn't being nice at all. No woman, nor any person for that matter, is obligated to give you ANYTHING for being nice. One should be nice because all people deserve kindness and respect. All people are still indeed people. Nobody deserves to be treated poorly. And now you're thinking "but I am nice to women, but I'm not getting anything out of it." Let me repeat myself, being nice to get something is not kindness at all. In fact, this is called manipulation and is a terrible thing to do to another human being. As I said before, all people crave a deeper relationship than simply just kindness. So, do yourself a favor and become deeper than the fake niceness that you usually display. Not to gain women, you understand, but to become a better and deeper person. Think about what you love and become more invested in it. Rather than looking for the perfect person, become the perfect you. I promise that you will find more happiness and more people in your life. Get over your self-pitying and get a life. Your happiness is dependent on you, not on others. You can ignore this advice and continue to try and manipulate people into giving you what you want, but it won't happen. People in general are pretty perceptive and can see right through your transparent attempts. You think that women choose a "jerk" over you because they like to get their heart broken, when in actuality, the "jerk" is just more dynamic of an individual. At least in their eyes. Perhaps if "nice" guys would stop making a fake "perfect gentleman" façade, they would understand that their approach is wrong. Treat others as actual humans and you will see an increase in the amount of people in your life.

-Nick

For the record, I want you all to know the subject line in this email is "Nick W******'s Views on 'Nice Guys' More Like Nice Try LOLZ"

That's why we are friends.

Lulz.

i dreamed a dream when ann hathaway didn't cut her hair

About two and a half months ago, I called up some friends to join me at the Color Festival in Spanish Fork, UT--which is basically a Hindu celebration of Spring, and all of Utah County comes and throws chalk at each other. However, the weather wasn't promising, so a couple friends and I decided against going. Instead we just ended up driving around, and I mentioned I wanted to do something different with my hair. One of my friends asked if he could shave one side. After much serious deliberation (no real thought at all,) I was like, "okay! La ti daaaaaa."

So we went grabbed his clippers and this happened....

Then this

Kenny said it was hot. Which is all that matters

unfortunately my parents only saw this

So I was fully embracing this punk, edgy, new hairstyle. I was really in love with it. I constantly had people compliment my hair--I even had a customer at work ask if she could take a picture of it so she could show it to her hairstylist and get her hair to look the same. Which would have been totally rad, but she was in her fifties, so kind of it was mostly weird.

Maybe a month or so ago, a group of guys came into work. I knew a couple of them from a couple years ago, and I talked to them a little while they were there. They said they were celebrating their friend's birthday, and invited me to go to Salt Lake with them later. My plans fell through for the night, and I figured, whatever. I knew some of them, my girl friend was going up to Salt Lake around the same time, so I went. The guys that were driving were not guys I knew intimately. In fact, I only knew the driver because one of my old roommates hung out with him a bit. So I am now in a car with three boys I don't really know, and I am starting to feel a little anxious. Yes, I already know that was a poor life choice on my part, so let's not talk about that again. But in my defense, I was under the impression the guys I knew would be meeting up with us. Turns out, they weren't. But we did meet up with another guy, who was really just....*charming.

*He was not charming at all.

So we are planning on going to a club called Keys on Main, which is actually a cool place where they can literally play any song on the piano. Even if it's not a piano song. I told my girl friend to meet us there. However, one of the guys has an expired license, so the bouncers won't let us in. It was then the guys decided to go to Bar X. Which was not such a cool place. My only options at this point were to ditch these guys, and be by myself in downtown Salt Lake City at midnight, or go with them. Unfortunately it was also at that time that my friend told me she wasn't coming up to Salt Lake after all. Thinking it was probably my best option to not be alone, I went with the guys.

Turns out, being a devout Mormon girl, that weighs all of 118 pounds, at a bar with belligerent drunk men is not that fun. Weird. I know. I told them I was a lesbian and I slipped away to the bathroom where I called a friend from the area and asked him to come pick me up. Thankfully he had just got done with work so he could come right over. And yes, it was super embarrassing and I felt like an idiot.

On the way home, we talked about work and country music. Even though I felt really stupid that we were in this position in the first place, I felt really at peace with him. Granted, I did have one of the drunk guys enlighten me that he was "definitely going to see [my] titties before the end of the night." But this friend driving me home, was just genuinely a good guy, also a member of the LDS church. While we were talking, he had mentioned this picture that he had picked of me to show up on his phone. I asked if I could see and he pulled up this picture..

I got home and played this night over and over again in my head. Those guys had mentioned more than once that they thought I looked like a girl they wanted to hang out because of my hair. Then I think of my friend that saved me from a potentially horrible outcome, who is kind and considerate, and that he hand picked that picture of me because that was the picture he liked best or thought represented me or whatever. My point is, I realized that even though I am not a rebellious girl, that despite my beliefs and how much I love my church, because my hair was shaved, these guys judged me to be a girl that likes to party. Sure, they shouldn't be judging, and I am not saying anything against people who have this haircut at all. Because I really love it. I am just saying that the above pictures are two very different images, and attracted two very different types of people.

Granted, a good majority of my friends, namely my guy friends, expressed that they liked the shaved head thing and that they thought it was really hot and cool, but those are people that already know me and what I stand for. They are people who already know that I don't drink or party, or show guys my boobs. However, as is evident by my current relationship status (single) I am still looking to meet someone to date and marry. So, while I'm not actually rebellious, if strangers think I am by what my image portrays, that makes it a lot harder to find the kind of guy I want to marry. Getting married in the temple is so important to me, that I would rather end up alone, than to marry a man who couldn't take me there.

So I have thought long and hard about the kind of girl I want to be, the kind of girl I want to come across as to attract the kind of guy I want. While I don't think people should judge one another except by their heart, from this experience, for me personally, I have decided that as much as I love my shaved hair, it is so much more important to me that I am not only appearing the way I believe, but also that I am a good example. I have little sisters, and I have been a counselor at a church camp. Rather than looking at me and seeing someone "cool," I want those girls to look at me and see someone who loves the church. Someone who is an example of Christ, who loves and serves people. I mean, the fact of the matter is, people are going to judge the way you look. No matter what. It's human nature. I was always that girl in high school that never wore tank tops or short shorts, and everybody told me I looked like a goody two-shoe Molly Mormon. In Utah, if I had a nickle for every person that told me I should wear my eye make up because I looked like a "bad girl," since I also have dark hair, I'd be a rich girl. Of course, I don't think we should society dictate what we should wear or look like. But as members of the LDS church, we are asked to keep a certain standard. That being said, I am growing out my hair. Unlike my make up, I do feel like my hair makes a certain statement, because I have received different attention since having it. Those boys aren't the only experience, just probably the most impactful. And that is not the attention I want. For those of you reading this, I mean this entirely as self discovery, and in no way am I judging anyone else or saying how you should live. This is all me and what I feel about myself.

PS. I apologize to my friend that told me he never wanted to be in my blog. Because now you are...

marry me?

LESSON 39: HOW TO GET FREE CAKE

In honor of April Fool's today, and the classic "I'm engaged," prank that 80% of Facebook users attempt each year--sorry guys, it's a little over done, and highly predictable--I thought I would share with all of you the story of when I was proposed to.

SETTING: The Woodlands, Texas. Early November. Saturday night.  

It was a group date. We had gone to dinner, went mini golfing, took tons of pictures, and decided to get ice cream and walk around the Woodlands Mall a bit. We were having a lot of fun, pranking people, laughing, and we reach an area where a huge Christmas tree is lit and a restaurant sits. The lights above us are twinkling, and our group decides we would like a picture together. As luck would have it, a large group was just leaving the restaurant! They were obviously having a celebration of sorts, carrying out balloons, presents, a large cake, and some elderly folks. Perhaps it was an anniversary? That doesn't actually matter. Anyways, one of the guys from our group ran to see if we could bother them to take a picture of us. The man he asked was a little hesitant, however slightly irritated, he agreed.

Each of us stood next to our date and smiled for the camera. Just before the man snapped the picture, my date, Scott, steps out and asks if he wouldn't mind waiting just one moment. Scott gets down on one knee. "Olivia, I know this is unexpected, but this has been a really great first date and I just have to ask if you'll marry me?" 

Taken aback, I'm silent for a split second before I agree. "Yes! Of course!" Tears in my eye as he puts a ring on my finger, everyone starts congratulating us. The strangers around us started offering congratulations and hugs. I was kissed by a couple crying old ladies who were so excited and happy for me, feeling so blessed they were able to witness such a happy moment in our lives. One of the strangers placed their cake in our hands and told us it was a gift for such a monumental, special occasion. Scott and I tried to decline, but these folks would not hear anything of the sort. We graciously thanked them and our groups divided and parted. WHAT NICE PEOPLE!










Too bad we are the worst.


Once we rounded the corner, our group could not stop laughing. Because, oh ho, April Fools! It wasn't a real proposal. We did feel so bad that we tricked those strangers and took their cake, but in our defense, we tried to decline the cake! Also, it made those old biddies so happy, I couldn't bear to tell them it was a joke. Plus, old people kind of freak me out, so the less interaction I have with them, the better.

In case you are wondering, we are all super aware that we are terrible people who are never making it to heaven. But it was super funny.



HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round

It seems that as of late, in spite of a society convinced that beauty is a size zero, with long thin legs, perfect hair, etc., there are a great many articles popping up about "big girls are beautiful too."

Recently I was reading one that talked about how being overweight was a sign of living, and those who spend their time being skinny don't have real happiness and don't really experience life.

Something to that affect.

To which I respond most eloquently--are you Africa? Because, Kenya not?



Social standing declares that being thin is beautiful, but more personal social networks proclaim that being thin is something to be frowned upon. I have read so many articles victimizing the overweight, and romanticizing that they are what is truly beautiful.

I am not arguing that women and men of other sizes are not beautiful, but listen, a girl that is thin is equally as beautiful. Victoria's secret models, while yes, are most likely all engineered to be sexy, are still incredibly beautiful women.

In a society so eager to preach equality and tolerance, there is certainly a great deal of one-sidedness.

I don't by any means claim to have the body of a Victoria's Secret model. However, I am a size 2, and
I love working out and running and being active.

I've been building a modeling portfolio. I like the way I look. I don't mean that in a conceited way, just in a confident, "I feel good," kind of way.

And you know what? I eat pizza. All. The. Time. I also love oreos, quesedillas, tacos, (Mexican food in general.) I eat multiple Serious Texas Tacos (which for my Durangotangs, you know what a feat that is,) and I can eat more than one Beto's burrito at a time.

So yeah, I experience the same foods as anyone else. More than many, actually. I also eat bowls of spinach or granola and (try to) drink enough water and I run all the time because I know its important to keep my body healthy.

It's just as much of a genetic condition that I eat like 7 men, and weigh 117 lbs, as it is for those who can't seem to lose weight.

All while I was growing up, I was constantly prodded by the other kids-"are you anorexic? Why don't you ever eat? If I touch you, you'll probably just break in half. Do you know there's no difference between your back and your chest? Don't let the wind blow you away!"

In middle school, a group of boys nicknamed me toothpick and never called me anything else for 3 years. I had the equation memorized that if you punched it into the old-school calculators and turned it upside down, it spelled "BOOBLESS." Yes, looking back now I can attest that the mental capacity of middle schoolers is truly astounding, but as an insecure 10+ year old, it was humiliating.

Let's talk about body image.

How often have we all heard the argument that Barbie gives girls unrealistic ideas about what our bodies should look like? I came across this ambiguous article today about "Average Lammily."

I want to express first and foremost that I unequivocally don't distinguish one "universal size."

People of all different shapes and sizes have a beauty that is their own. With that being said, yes, when I was a twerp, I thought Barbies were beautiful. I had like 150 thousand of them. Hands down, my favorite toy to play with for the first 7...9...ok, 14 years of my life.

Did I grow up with the notion that I had to look like my barbies to be desirable? Absolutely not. In fact, I only recently pursued modeling because my sister in law is a phenomenal photographer and has been taking pictures of me.

My brothers had the GI Joe/Max Steel/body builder type action figures. My whole family is genetically thin, so no, my brothers aren't huge guys. Do they look at themselves in the mirror while they hold those unrealistically muscular toys and question their entire existence? Not even a little bit. My brothers are pretty confident guys.

Some girls once thought my older brother was Ryan Gosling, (which is weird for me, because I think Ryan Gosling is the babiest babe that ever babed.) Maybe I haven't talked to enough women, but in all of my life, I have literally never heard a girl (even the most insecure ones) express that they wished they could look like their barbies.

I mean, I know a few feminists, and so far they personally haven't given that notion any real credibility.

So can't we just lay that one to rest?

Now I want to focus in on Hollywood. Hollywood is all about promoting a certain look. Anyone that knows anything about acting knows Megan Fox is literally the worst actor, but she is cast in movies because she's hot.

And let's all just be real for a moment--no matter what you look like, the general populace likes to watch pretty people.

Before you even try to argue with that, just take a look at Hollywood.

Whether or not you admit that you like to watch beautiful people in movies/tv shows, those actors, Victoria's Secret models, none of them are really hurting for money. Why? Because YOU pay to see them. You watch their shows on Netflix.

I mean, Rebel Wilson is fat, and she owns that. She is talented and I personally think she is a pretty girl, and she has done well for herself. I don't want to say Hollywood actors are only as successful as they are because they are handsome persons, because many of them are incredibly talented. I'm just saying, let's all stop pretending that we shun "perfect bodies," and that only the "average body type" is what we think is truly beautiful.

The fact of the matter is, people come in all shapes and sizes, and in more personal, local settings, to disregard someone because they are thin, and to fantasize that only those with more weight really experience life is just as ignorant and rude as the magazines telling you to have huge boobs and a tiny waist.

When you let society dictate what you should look like is when you'll face comparisons, put downs, and an inability to measure up.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I once dated a guy that I thought was a total dreamboat. When we stopped seeing each other, several family members told me they thought he was butt-ugly. Different strokes for different folks, you know?

I agree, no one should be putting down girls that are larger than a double zero--but can we also stop saying that thin girls are "unhuman," "gross," or unable to live lives like anybody else?

I am a skinny girl, and I think articles proclaiming that skinny girls are "bad," are just as damaging as any fat shaming. Do we all realize that our vain notions of how we think others should look are largely attributed to girls developing eating disorders, among other psychological issues?

A person that is gorgeous is someone that smiles and is kind, who loves others and life.

Time after time, I have talked with guys about the girls they like/date. I cannot possibly count the number of times I heard of friends going out with a girl because he thinks she is the most beautiful woman to grace this earth, only to ditch her (although yes, sometimes after getting a little lip action in,) because she was rude or a vapid narcissist.

No matter who you are, your looks won't make up for your personality if you suck.

So maybe we should all stop focusing so much on what we should look like, and putting down other for what they look like, and try to be someone worthwhile.

my little 13 year old brother drew this and told me I was beautiful, and I love it the most

In any case, I think all of you are awesome, and I love that you read my blog. 

XOXO

PS. Here is an inspirational video about bullying:

so, you got this right?

LESSON 38: GUYS, PAY FOR YOUR FRIGGIN DATES

Once upon a time, all my girlfriends started telling me stories about being asked out on dates, and having to pay for themselves. Literally, a boy asked if they would like to go out with them, and didn't so much as offer to pay. Not only did they not pay, but they didn't mention that the girl would be taking herself out until someone came around with the bill.

Oh. My. If you are reading this and you have found yourself guilty of this crime, consider yourself virtually getting your butt kicked. You're the actual worst.

Listen, I understand that dating in college is hard. I also understand that it can get expensive for you fellas. However, if you are going to ask a girl on a date, you better check your account to make sure you can cover her, plan a cheap/free super fun date, or check your plumbing. Because guess what, men pay for their women. Don't get me wrong, you definitely don't need to be throwing around 100 dollar bills. You don't even need to spend any money at all. I have been on some really awesome adventure dates that only cost the price of gas. But if you offer to take her to anywhere that you will be spending money on yourself, plan to spend on her too, cheapo. That's just how it is supposed to be, and if that sounds like a bad idea to you, you might as well become a eunuch and join a men's choir, because ladies will run from you like the plague.

*Note-I am not directing this towards couples or anyone in a relationship. That is an entirely different ball game. I am talking specifically and entirely about dates before that DTR.

I am vehemently aware that society is far more feministic now than ever. Women want to be the same as men and wear pants to church, blah blah blah. I don't even care. If you take out a woman and she insists on paying for herself, cool, you just saved yourself twenty bucks. But absolutely, under no circumstances should you invite a lady out for lunch, dinner, a game, whatever tickles your fancy, and let her pay for herself. If you don't have the money to cover her, don't invite her to do things that cost money. I have known guys to go give plasma because they are so super poor but want to take a girl on a date. That is adorable.

People today are so concerned about "not expecting" on dates, that no one knows how to date anymore. You know what though, there should be expectations. If you are a man, you are expected to pay for the date you have proposed to take that girl on. That's the most obvious obvious that ever obvioused. Of course, there are other expectations to interject at this current juncture, but I've already written that post.

One of my best friends told me about how a guy offered to take her out for hot chocolate, ordered his drink, and sat down. Needless to say, she felt entirely awkward, and likely won't go out with him again. And sure, many of you read that and might think its ridiculous, but its the principal of the thing! Srsly, he couldn't have forked out an extra 2 dollars in the name of chivalry? Child.

I have guy friends that, when we are just hanging out, not only insist on paying for me, but also open my doors. Maybe I'm spoiled, but guess what--I should be. All girls should think so highly of their friends as I do. I know some really incredible gentlemen. And men should equally be treated well. Guys, even the ones you are just friends with should never question whether you think they are the bees knees. In fact, I firmly advocate that if you take a girl out and treat her nice and she doesn't so much as thank you, you run---run away and never return! But pay for her meal first, ok?

What ees "date"? Juss keesses

Juan Pablo knows. ABC has this enormous allotted money budget for each date, and Juan Pablo just takes all the girls all over the world to sit on rocks and make out. BUT AT LEAST HE DIDN'T LEAVE THEM WITH A BILL

just do it

LESSON 37: DTR

For those of you unfamiliar with what a DTR is, (in other words, anyone not from Utah) it is Determining the Relationship. Many view this "talk" as the kiss of death. So many are petrified of bringing it up, and secretly pray the other will say something so you don't have to--or you pray it won't come up at all. To you, fearing this topic, avoiding it like The Plague, I offer this single piece of advice:

Grow up.

If you are afraid of asking the person you are spending all your time with and investing all your feelings in for commitment, you need to put on your big boy pants and get over it. I am the first to admit that being in a relationship is scary. But so is opening you heart to another person, and most of the time, non-couples have already done that--so why are people so afraid of telling the person they are unofficially official with that they are the only person you want to be with?

Because you have commitment issues?  Let's just chat about that. I was being pursued by a guy that I wasn't particularly interested in. We went out a couple times, and he was nice to me and fun, but something was missing for me. So I told him we should just be friends. I was talking to my sister about it a while later, and I told her maybe I really did like him, but I just have problems committing. She looks at me, and in that blunt, sisterly way she just tells me, "no, you don't have that problem. It's not even a real thing." I'm like, ok yeah, tell me my feelings. But she continues to express ideals that people don't have commitment issues, they have problems trying to be with someone they don't really want to be with. I considered that for a while. At this point, admittedly, I feel to express that I agree with that sentiment. While my list of boyfriends is relatively...short, there have been a number of guys I have been "dating," that although we didn't officially have the DTR, I considered to be my boyfriend. Which, the difference between dating and a relationship is another topic for another day. But I digress. Maybe I was being a crazy lady to consider some of them my boyfriend, but in hindsight, at that point in time, anyone I had that consideration for had been the only fella I was going out with, kissing, spending time with, and opening my heart to. He was the only guy at the time that I was honestly pursuing to see if he could be my best friend. Which is kind of (definitely) what relationships are all about at this point in our lives. Right? Right. Agree with me or go back to high school. If you are reading this and you are currently in high school--high school sucks. And I mean, it's not like I went around with his name on my notebook and a tissue he had used to practice voodoo on (name that movie) and told people we were getting married. I didn't even tell anyone he was my boyfriend. In fact, the only reason I mention that I considered any of them my (un)boyfriend is because I liked him a lot and I wasn't interested in going out with other boys because I saw potential and I was intrigued to see where it could go.

STORY TIME! Because we all know I have fun stories. Boy meets girl (me). They flirt, she's all giggly  and he's all charming, and he asks for her number. However, he then proceeds to ask her to hang out. Frequently, yes, but the text reads: Hey, can we hang out at this designated specific time? She responds in the positive because homeboy is fun and cute and she likes spending time with him. And they hang out. A few times. It's fun, light, easy. But neither says anything about "dating," so she thinks they are just friends...until a situation presents itself in which the guy feels it necessary to engage in an arduous argument about how she is not being fair because of "what they had." She is feeling super confused though because he just asked her to hang out, and since they never had any sort of discussion otherwise, she thought they were just friends. Maybe she was being naive or ignorant, but rule one of dating someone--YOU MUST CALL IT A DATE. Admitance--the first step, my friends. So pardon me, but because I did foolishly consider some guys to be my unofficial boyfriend and was sorely disappointed when one of them arrived at a function we were to both attend, with a date, I have stopped assuming other people's feelings. But what could I say? We never discussed being exclusive.

So yeah, being vulnerable and asking the person buying you meals and smooching your face if s/he is your boo is completely terrifying. And exhilarating. But you know what's the actual worst? Not knowing. Wondering how someone feels about you is like a perpetual hell. If you ask and are accepted, WAHOO! Kudos to you, kid. Perhaps on the other end, you ask babe if she will be your special lady friend and she says no. At least you know and you can move on and invest in someone who really thinks you're the bees knees.


Consider rejection as redirection. I am now virtually slapping you in the butt and telling you to get out there and have that DTR dang it!


In other news, I found a new tactic, and I will be trying it out on Friday. YOUCANBEMYVALENTINETOO!

you can't sit with us!

LESSON 36: STOP HATIN'

I realize a great majority of this blog is directed at or about the fellas. Guys are great. I am a huge fan. But today, I want to talk to the ladies. Namely, the ones that only hang out with boys because you so totally hate drama. If you have ever said the aforementioned line, you are mostly likely the cause of drama in your circle of friends. Nine times out of ten, that is the truth. There is something wrong with a girl that can't get along with other girls.

For all of you who just scoffed and rolled your eyes, lemme finish. I vehemently believe there is something wrong with a girl that either can't or won't get along with other women. I know because I have been there. Reluctantly I confess that there was a time, I was that girl. I only would hang out with guys and maybe one other girl. Maybe.

So what's the issue? Why do we as women tend to hate each other and cause drama? Insecurity. Most girls only view each other as competition, and if you are insecure about yourself, you don't want to interact with a lot of other girls that you may feel are more beautiful, intelligent, funny, successful, what have you. With your group of guy friends, you are always the center of attention, and you feel wanted. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with wanting to be wanted. That's an innate human trait. The problem is that you feel inferior to other women (and often men.) Said feeling of inferiority elicits the tearing down and bad mouthing of other females--most often the ones you are closest to or spend the most time with, because you are jealous and see them as your competition. A girl that is confident in herself does not need to make anyone else look bad, because she knows that she has a lot to offer, and she can see the qualities and potential in others.

When I was a kid, I was arguably one of the ugliest persons that has ever gone through puberty. Boys that I liked in middle school used to inform me on a constant basis how much hotter my sister and friends were than me. One boy that I had the biggest crush on, told me once if I got older and looked like my sister, he would totally date me. Lucky me. So it was about that time that I stopped hanging out with other girls, because I felt that if I could finally find a boy that would talk to me, I had to hang on to him and not let him be around other girls. If he had nothing to compare me to, then I looked like a viable option and he would keep spending time with me, and I would finally get some attention. As I grew up and filled out a bit, looked less awkward, acted a little less socially inept, I would just claim that I only hung out with boys because they weren't any drama. In reality, I just feared that if another girl came around the guy I liked would ditch me, since that had been the case for a long time. Although I may have looked cuter, I was still afraid that another girl would come around that was prettier than me, and the boy I liked would ditch me for her.

It's a common tactic for girls to trash each other in front of guys, because it's thought that if she can convince him that she sucks, he won't go after her. Turns out, most guys will go for another girl anyways if he thinks she's attractive, regardless of what you tell him.

I know it's hard not to compare yourself to other women. But if you can't find some solace in who you are as a person, and the way you look, unfortunately, it appears that you have little to offer besides caddishness and insecurity. Read that wording closely. I did not say that you don't have awesome qualities, I said that it's hard for him to see how funny you are if you are always putting down someone else, for example.

As a woman, as a person, you have talents, capabilities, and beauty that is all your own. You bring something unique to the world. If you can't see that, you probably need to stop hanging out with all those guys and find out what you have to offer. If you don't know what you can bring to a relationship, to a man, how do you expect to give it to him?

For the most part, guys I know are attracted to confident females. You are not a victim here. Absolutely, 100% you can fix insecurities. If you feel like you are fat, work out. Maybe you know you are a generally negative person, so you start trying to look at the positive side of things. Back up for a second--I am most certainly not telling you how your personality should be, or what you should look like. I don't believe in "the right size." I believe in feeling good. If you feel beautiful as a size 0, 5, 7, or 11, that is awesome. You are perfect. I am only saying, if you would feel better dropping or gaining a few pounds, then you should change your lifestyle to become what makes you feel beautiful. I was skin and bones as a kid, and I used to pray that I could put on 10 more pounds, because I thought I wouldn't be beautiful if I was the little twig girl. People used to tell me I was too skinny regularly. Well, now I eat entire pizzas, a batch of cookies, and a bag of Doritos and my weight doesn't fluctuate. I do however feel sick, so I try to eat better and work out, because running is like drugs. But I am totally confident in my imperfect, underweight body. I feel beautiful, and that's all I need.

Now that we have covered the problem of why girls don't like each other, let's talk about why we should. I don't care how even tempered and not dramatic you claim to be. Girls have feelings. Women in general, as a gender, have more feelings than boys do. That's why mom's usually stay home and nurture and dad's go to work. I am the first to say that I can't deal with too many emotions. It's hard. I laugh when people cry, because I have inappropriate reactions to things. I had two roommates a few years ago that got in a screaming fight with each other for an entire week. I spent that week hiding at my friend's house. That being said, while I can definitely work on being more sensitive, all girls need to talk and cry about their lives at some point. Myself included. It's a running joke in my family that I don't have feelings, but if my sisters and mom had a nickel for every time I called them crying about whatever, they would be wealthy people. So I guess my point here, is that we all need a friend. We all need a confidant to talk to and console with, so in turn, be that friend. Be a girl that other girls feel comfortable crying to, because there will come a time when you need a shoulder. Also, girls usually are way more fun to take shopping.

In any case, I would like to make one last point. The fact of the matter, is that the majority of guy friends you have now, you likely won't even talk to in 5 years. Either one or both of you will get married, you'll get careers, move away, whatever the case may be, chances are good that you won't talk to the guy you hung out with every night when you have a husband to have a lot more fun. Just saying. But you are a lot more likely to keep in contact with your best girl friends so you can have lunch dates or whatever girlfriends do when they are boring married people. Plus, it would be entirely inappropriate to spend your bachelorette party with a bunch of dudes buying you lingerie. I'm going to go ahead and guess that your soon to be husband would not approve.

So I am not saying that you shouldn't have guy friends. I have close guy friends that I love spending time with. I'm just saying, girls are not all bad. In fact, most of them are pretty amazing if you just give them a chance. I can't tell you how much better you will feel when you go out with a group of girlfriends, and build them up, be a good wing man, just make them feel like they are beautiful, worthwhile girls, than if you spend all your time being churlish and conniving about every female that you feel poses a "threat." I may or may not spend a good majority of conversation talking to anyone about how great some of my girl friends are on dates. Which is actually probably something I need to work on, because then I don't get a second date because boys think I'm a lesbian. BUT I'M NOT. I just really love some girls that I am blessed to have in my life.

Bottom line, if you go out with your girlfriends, and a guy is more interested in your friend, then be happy for her--because I promise some other guy is out there who won't even give that friend a second look, because he is so entranced by you.

Thanks for reading, friends:)

friendzone level: eponine

LESSON 35: HOW TO KNOW YOU'RE IN THE FRIENDZONE

There is a place, dark, deep, guarded by the fires of Mordor. A prison, that once condemned to, is seemingly impossible to be escaped. Its like being thrown into The Pit, and you're Frodo, facing Emperor Palpatine, alone, because Sam ate Nightlock--all comprehension of the hope of one day casting the ring into the lava, restoring peace to the galaxy, and climbing those treacherous walls to sweet loving freedom is dead, just like Bruce Wayne's parents. And Harry's parents. Also, Elsa's. Or Clark's. Wow, no one has parents anymore...

....Yes, I know how nerdy I am. No, I don't wonder why I am single. But I'll let you ask me out if you understand every reference in this entire post. There are 9.

Such a dimension is one we all unfortunately know, and all have been thrown into before. It's a place we condemn others to. It's the worst.

How do you know if you're in this realm? Here are the most likely clues:

YOU'RE NOT DATING AND:

1. Her period and all the gory details are shared with you.

2. You gentleman of interest offers to set you up with other guys.

3. She farts in front of you. (except we all know that girls don't really fart--we whisper in our panties)

4. You are told, "you're like a brother to me!"

5. Tom Hansen is the most relateable character from 500 Days of Summer. Without the benefits. (If you relate best to Summer, you are probably satan)

6. *Send her a cute text, she responds, "aw, that's sweet."

7. Homeboy calls you "dude"

8. He asks you to get him in contact with the blonde mystery babe, even though you have covered your hair and wrapped up your lady curves to fight in a battle that he helped to spearhead. After you sang a ballad about him.

9. She tells you all the details about her love life...which you are obviously not a part of...

10.  Most obviously, if he/she wears crocs in front of you.



Tips for navigating away from this horrific place? First and foremost, take my advice about HOW TO AVOID THE FRIENDZONE. Make a move, ask her out. FLIRT. Twirl that hair, girl. Otherwise, this is probably inevitable and you should probably stop reading my blog, because it's about dating, and you my friend, are just that---a friend.

a letter

Dear Elder,

I know you are back from your mission, many of you have been back for some time, and for those of you who have not yet left--I am writing to you on behalf of the ladies who have waited patiently to marry someone like you.

First of all, I want you to know why it's significant that many of us would like to marry men that have served missions. Most importantly, you have been asked to serve by divine revelation to the prophets, who are messengers of our Heavenly Father. You are literally commissioned by God the Father to do so. To not is a huge sign of open rebellion. I understand there are various reasons why some of you can't go or must come home early, so if that is the case, please understand that such outstanding circumstances beyond your control don't penalize you. I am talking frankly about those who have the opportunity and means to serve, and willfully choose not to go. Not only is it a task requested of you by the Lord, it is also a growing experience that is arguably impossible to replace. Think of the souls you could have saved, but chose, for whatever reason, be it school, career, a girl, or mere selfish indulgence, to let wait longer, or miss their chance to hear the truth in this life. Try to imagine the spirit(s) that you may have made a promise to find in the pre-mortal life, that you have let down. I have not been on a mission, so I am carefully treading dangerous waters. However, while I have not served a full time mission for the Church, I have dated many gentlemen who have. I know so many young men that both have, and have not served missions. In fact, every guy I have ever dated has been a return missionary, except one. That one told me he didn't see the problem with premarital sex. Try not to misunderstand, I am not saying that's the viewpoint of every man who didn't serve a mission and it may be the viewpoint of many who have,  and I absolutely do not, in any way think boys that don't serve missions are bad people-but I say with honest conviction that there was a difference. Its not something entirely easy to explain, but it was different.

At this time, I would like to present you with a question: for those of you young men that did make the choice to serve a faithful, honest mission, can you remember why? Why did you serve a mission? Did you serve because your parents wanted you to? Was it because your surrounding community expected you to? Or was it because you had a desire to be obedient? Maybe you didn't want to go, but you wanted to obey the council of the prophets. Just think.

This next part, I hesitate to write. I don't mean to get on a high horse, and it is not my intention to persecute, demean, or belittle any of God's children. Upon recent reflection and conversations with close girl friends, I am utterly in awe at the way women are treated by some of you returned missionaries. I understand that women can treat men poorly, and that although we are not all victims, my heart is broken again and again to hear and experience the mistreatment of people. In a society so twisted, so confused, I would hope that Church members could find solace in each other. I wish now, to speak to the trusting girl that is taken advantage of by men who have returned from missions. In particular, I reach out to the naive girl who went to institute one night and met a cute boy there that taught seminary every morning, worked at the MTC, and got back from his mission a couple years previous. He asked her if he could take her on a date. She graciously, trustingly, accepted his offer. This is a girl that in the many years I have known her, has always tried her hardest to be temple worthy, to follow the commandments, who is far from perfect, but has kept herself chaste and virtuous. Simply minutes after he picked her up and started driving, he began expressing how attractive and sexy he thought she was. She started to feel uncomfortable, but despite her best efforts to change the subject, he was not interested in discussing anything but her body. He drove out a way to a lake and stopped the car. The girl grew very nervous and started to feel uneasy. The boy reached across the seats to put his hands all over her, kissing where his mouth could reach. Struggling to get free, pleading for him to stop, she finally managed to get her seat belt off and got out of the car, where she immediately started walking home. Gropey McGee followed her and tried to coax her back into his vehicle, apologizing, promising it wouldn't happen again and that he would just take her home. Knowing she shouldn't trust him, but with no service and it being the dead of winter, she went against her better judgement and walked towards the car. He came up behind her and started kissing her neck, trying to put his hands in places he shouldn't. She tried to stop him, but he was stronger than her and physically held her against the car. By a miracle she managed to get away and get home with all her clothes intact.

I honestly don't understand how a girl in Provo, Utah--Mormon capital of the universe, can't trust an RM to protect her. I have two older sisters that are still in the dating world, and a younger sister that just turned 16, (legal Mormon dating age.) If the aforementioned man had tried something like that on one of my sisters, excuse my French, I would have snapped off his cajones and boiled them in motor oil. If we, as ladies, cannot trust you men that dedicated two years of your lives, serving others, who can we trust? How is it possible to have been so incredibly selfless for two years, and come back and be so indescribably selfish? This is a real, honest to goodness question. How does a man go from teaching families and individuals about the plan of happiness, and then attempt to destroy a woman's virtue? I am careful in trying not to lump all returned missionaries in this group of self destructive men (and women,) I am just trying to understand why the majority of first dates that I myself, as well as many of my friends have been on, are.

Life is hard. The world is full of evil. We all face challenges and adversity every day. I personally, make a habit of totaling cars. But let's focus specifically on dating. Where, in a world of prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, and even with gay marriage, can the women who are striving to make it to the temple, turn to be protected? Who can we trust? Who do we want to love? Someone that will take us to the temple. Whether anyone agrees with my stance on serving a mission or not, any devout, faithful, converted member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that believes in the plan of happiness wants to be married in the temple.

The purpose of this letter is not to point fingers and degrade. It is to plead. I am literally begging you young men of the Church to remember who you were on your mission. Remember the spirit that you taught by and felt. Remember that each girl you meet is a daughter of God that deserves to be loved and treated with respect and dignity. I do my best to encourage those around me, men and women, to be their best. I know this may seem one sided, and I know we as girls are neither perfect, nor are we entirely victims--after all, this is a relatively feministic society--but my plea to the girls is for another time. Elder Holland gave a talk to BYU called "Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments." The following passage that I wish to share namely addresses sex, but I feel it may be applicable also in dating and courtship:

Indeed, most tragically, it is the young woman who is most often the victim, it is the young woman who most often suffers the greater pain, it is the young woman who most often feels used and abused and terribly unclean. And for that imposed uncleanliness a man will pay, as surely as the sun sets and rivers run to the sea.

Be the kind of man you want your son to be. Treat women the way you want your daughter to be treated. I understand that mission life must be different than college life, but why wouldn't you want to have the spirit to be with you now when you take girls on dates, the way it was when you wore a name tag? Dating is where a lot of temptation comes in to play. Nights cuddling with your girlfriend on the couch are when the adversary will turn the heat up, just a little hotter. It is when you are most vulnerable that he strikes the hardest, and I know you rarely have your heart more exposed than when you are with someone you love. So fight to be the man you became on your mission. Fight to be the protector. Always be worthy of your priesthood--because we need you. We can't make it to exhalation without you, and being the ones who get to hold the priesthood, we look to you to take care of our spirit as well as protect our bodies. The women are literally trusting you with our souls when we say yes to that date. Yes, I recognize that we must equally be respecting and that you need to trust us, but I don't want to have to worry if every guy that takes me out is too strong for me to get away from.

people are totes cray-cray

LESSON 34: INAPPROPRIATE DISPLAY OF FEELINGS

The following story is an actual event. Only his name has been changed.

So I promised you all a story. A really great story. A really long great story. In honor of my 100th post, I thought it would be the best time time to share.

Now bear with me, the details are important, and this is far too ridiculous not to include everything. So get some popcorn, some ice cream, you'll laugh, you'll cry...mostly just from laughing so hard.

And here we go.

This story starts off on a Monday evening. I meet a boy and we get to talking. Let's just call him Joseph. He asks if I want to go for a walk, and I accept his invitation. We are walking and talking, having a lovely time, and he grabs my hand.

Oh dear. What are you doing? I don't like holding hands unless you are my boyfriend. Kinda weird...

However, we just continue on this course and chat lightly for quite some time. Then, before departing, he asks if he may take me on a date on the following Saturday. Reflecting on the pleasant time we just encountered, I tell him that would be great. Joseph leans in to kiss me.

WHAT, WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!

I turn my head and he apologizes. I should have taken that as in indicator...

The following Tuesday-Thursday, he texts me every morning and calls me every night. I'm working all day every day, so our conversations weren't super long or extensive. No big deal, right? Wrong. So very wrong.

Friday, Joseph texts me in the morning as he usually does, and I respond every couple hours when I had time, and then he begins to call me--which I don't answer because I am--where, ladies and gentlemen?

Oh yes, still at work.

Then I begin to receive text after text until I respond. There are a minimum of 3-4 texts from him to one from me. I'm starting to feel weird. I don't do well with clingy..

Then I get off work. Yet another phone call. I talk to him til I arrive home. Unfortunately, after we hang up, he continues to text me, until about 11 pm when he says goodnight. I bid him farewell. *exhale exasperatedly* I get into bed. My lids get heavy and I drift off, only to receive ANOTHER TEXT FROM HIM!

"Are you up?"

Followed closely by a phone call.

Very sleepily and confused, I answer. He asks me what I'm doing.


Umm cirque del solei. I'm sleeping, idiot! Its 2am!

He reports that he just wanted to say goodnight. "You already said goodnight, why are we talking on the phone right now? I'm sleeping." (I'm slightly less delightful when I am woken from my slumber.)

The next morning I get up, not exactly looking forward to my date. For those of you who don't know me, you ought to know that I am a runner.

Figuratively. I mean, I also like to run literally, but that's beside the point. If I feel at all overwhelmed by him, even slightly suffocated, I put on my shoes and I'm 10 miles away before he can finish dialing my number.

At this point, I'm laced up and ready to bolt. Fortunately for him though, I'm not someone to cancel dates, so I proceed to get ready.

We are going to downtown Houston for a Zombie Walk. That's about a 40 minute drive. We leave about 4 and make the drive. Sitting as close to the window as possible, leaning away from him, crossing my arms or playing with my hair, anything to keep my hands occupied, he just grabs my arm away from my hair and holds my hand.

At that point I had to tell him that I was definitely not cool with holding hands after knowing him only a few days and this being our first date. Which made for a very long, uncomfortable, mostly silent car ride to town. By the time we get there, we had missed the walk, and were wandering aimlessly around the city, because neither of us had been there before and he didn't know where we could eat. Don't worry, I asked someone.

After finally finding a place to eat at a grocery store, the whole dinner is relatively quiet. I just can't think of anything more to say to this guy, because at this point the only response I've elicited is the occasional grunt or "yeah." So I proceeded to talk about my soul mate Kassie, because I'm in love with her and I can talk about her forever. Maybe he would think I was a lesbian and get freaked out and not call me again!

Ho ho, joke's on me! I have no such luck.

So we finally make the trip home.

FINALLY.

Longest 3 hours of my life. On the way back, at one point he grabs my hands and spins me around in circles.

Stop. Why is this real life right now?

I still don't know why that happened. We eventually make it back to the car, and in the 40 minutes it took to drive home, we spent 5 minutes tops talking.

Which if you know me even a little bit, is really a feat. As a result of this lapse in conversation, we turn up the music. A song comes on that he loooves. Apparently.

This song is the sappiest song that ever sapped.

But trying to be polite, I'm like, "oh yeah...it's...cute?" Immediately he pulls of to the side of the road, turns the radio way up and runs out of the car, opens my door, and pulls me out to dance to this song playing on the radio that I actually, in fact, hate.

Please, if there is any mercy in this world, just let this date be over! I just want to go home! Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

Finally the song ends and he pulls back, still gripping me, and I know he wants to kiss. I turn and start to get back in the car. We finally arrive home, and I can't get to my door fast enough. Joseph stops me at the door and asks if he can take me on a second date. "I'm sorry, I think you're very sweet, but I think we'd be better as just friends. I'm just not really interested. Thank you though!"

The End.

That's not so crazy, you think to yourself. She's ridiculous. Well, you'd be right. Except that wasn't actually the end.

I TRICKED YOU!

JUST LIKE HE TRICKED ME!

Because you'd think, if you tell a boy you aren't interested, he would peace out. Like I said, I have no such luck. The rest of the night proceeded as follows:

He stares at me, awestruck. "Wait, what?? I don't understand. Why don't you like me?"

"You just aren't really my type. I'm sorry, you're nice, but there's just no spark for me. I just don't feel any sort of connection."
"But, why?"

"It's just not something I can really explain. You like some people and you don't like other people. That's just how it is. I'm sorry, I just don't feel anything for you. I have to go now."

I turn and go into my house and shut the door. As I discuss the events of the evening with my mother, as per usual, and my phone starts ringing. ITS JOSEPH. What on earth could you possibly want?

He informs me that he is turning his car around to come back to my house. He absolutely must speak with me. Hesitantly, I stutter out "Okay?"

Joseph knocks on my door and my mother answers--who he is totally rude to. No one is rude to my momma! Homeboy asks me if we can talk in his truck. Please don't be a murderer, please don't be a murderer...

Before we even get to his truck, he starts: "I just can't let you turn me down for a second date." Why do you think you have a choice? He continues..."It's just not fair! You can't just say no. I deserve another chance. I have never had a girl say no to me before!" Oh, so it's an ego thing. What a maroon, what an ignoramus. Very seriously he turns to me "You know, in a relationship, both people's wants and feelings need to be considered."

To which I respond, "Yes, but this isn't a relationship, because both people have to want a relationship for there to be one in the first place..." I've LITERALLY only known you for 5 days.

Somewhat more somber, he says, "Maybe I'm just having an off night. It's not fair for you to just decide after one date that you don't want to go out with me again. I am holding back so much, you just need to see!" THEN HE BEGINS TO CRY. Let me reiterate: HE LEGITIMATELY HAD TEARS COMING OUT OF HIS FACE. "It's just so hard to find a girl like you *sob* I'm sorry, I didn't want you to see me like this.."

Dude, I didn't want to see you like this. I don't know how to appropriately respond. WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS?!

I awkwardly apologize and tell him that I simply don't like him, and I have to go, and basically run into my house.

THE END!!


HA! Just kidding.
Sorry, I'll stop doing that.

I get in my house and before I even finish telling my mom what happened, HE CALLS ME AGAIN!

I don't answer.

He texts me twice. They basically went "feelings, feelings, feelings, YOU ARE MISUNDERSTANDING ME, feelings, feelings, feelings.

I don't answer.

He calls again.

NO ANSWER.

Another text "Please just talk to me. Please just let me explain."

"I'm really sorry, but I know what I want, and it's just not you. That's it."

I get a few more texts of him trying to explain himself, and I don't answer.

Then I don't hear anything. I'm thinking I'm finally done with all that noise. Then he texts me again on Monday. Again and again. And he calls me. I don't answer any of these attempts. By the end of that week, I had 11 unanswered texts and 5 missed phone calls. Believe me, I wish I was making that up.

SUNDAY. The day of all days. Joseph goes to church with me, and I dread seeing him. I know it's going to be bad. My girl friend and I take all measures to avoid him, but alas, we are foiled when he starts down the hallway, coming right to us! This boy stops right in front of me and stares.

"Uh, hi.." I stammer.

"Hi"

ALL THE AWKWARD

My friend "well, Olivia, I wanted you to meet my friend, let's go."

Joseph-"I need to talk to you." He escorts me into the nearest classroom and closes the door. Please don't kill me! "There's no reason for you to be so rude!" he accuses. I'm like, "uhhh, sorry, but I have nothing to say to you. Gotta go."

Whew. Maybe that's the end?? NOPE.

He finds me again, 5 minutes later, and says the same thing. "You can't just stop talking to me. You are so rude!"

"Listen, I'm sorry you think I'm rude. Maybe we just shouldn't talk to each other if that's how you feel."

"YOU DON'T TALK TO ME!" he yells.

"I just don't know how to respond to you anymore."

"Ok, whatever Olivia, have a nice life."

I INAPPROPRIATELY LAUGH IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE ..

I manage to avoid him the rest of church, but there were refreshments afterwards, and I love food, so I ate whilst talking to my girl, and he circles us. About 5 times. We run away, because we are very mature.

On the drive home, I get 2 more texts. I don't answer. He calls. I don't answer. He proceeds to text me 6 more times. For those of you non math majors, that adds up to 17 unanswered texts. I lost track of phone calls. 6 maybe?

Told you he cried. You didn't believe me did you?? Also, I have no idea what the caramel reference is about. Anyways, I finally told him he made me feel very uncomfortable, and he responds with some lengthy text about feelings, and I haven't heard from him since. (Mind you, this was all in a 13 day time period.) Maybe that's actually the end?? Maybe he'll show up at my window with a knife. No one really knows for sure. But if I never write another post, HE DUNNIT!

So what do we learn from this? If a girl says she doesn't want a second date, SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. If you inappropriately overwhelm her with feelings after knowing her for less than 2 weeks, after she says she doesn't like you, she may just write a blog about you. No one really knows for sure.