Monday, December 22, 2014

don't say I didn't warn you

"Got a long list of ex-lovers, 
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I got a blank space baby,
And I'll write your name"

Let's talk crazy girl.

We all know her.

Guys, you have dated her, talked about her, avoided her, loved her, hated her, and recently I realized, I am her.

So is T Swizzle. And just about every other female who has ever dated/liked/talked to a guy. At one point or another, we ladies all become "that girl."

It's not like we are born that way--alright, maybe, definitely some are--but most girls that guys tell stories about how crazy they are, are like that because we are reacting to some stupid stunt a guy has pulled. For each girl that is crazy is most likely a man that has made her that way.

Take Taylor Swift's song Blank Space. In my opinion, she approaches this new guy like, hey man, let's see where this goes. Then he tells lies and calls other girls and she gets mad. And everyone is all, oh wow, she is a loon (or so say her exes) and I'm over here like, uh hello, she is just mad because he was being a sleaze. AmIright?

Wanna know a secret? Basically all girls tend to have emotional reactions to shady moves, pulled by ignoramus men.


And yes, girls act shady and make boys angry as well, I'm not discounting that.

However, since I have only ever been a lady, and this blog is about my experiences and is in fact, my blog, I'm just focusing on the girls' side of things.

Also because the experiences I have been having lately are highly suspect. And I do what I want.

As evidence to support my case, I present two stories.

Story 1.

There once was a boy named *Brady. He was cute and in my ward, and I thought it would be a great idea to talk to him. We conversed a few times and finally he asked for my number.

We went for a drive that afternoon to see the leaves change colors in the canyon, had this great talk, and when he walked me to my door he asked me on a date.

So in my mind, this is off to a great start.

Later in the week, he invited me to go to Salt Lake City with him where he kissed me. So many red flags went up I thought I took a turn into Soviet Russia. Some times goes by and he "forgets" that he asked me on a real date (other than the pretend SLC date we went on.)

How lucky am I? So I just try to let it go.

Of course, it should have been easy since, like a real adult, he would completely avoid all eye contact with me whatsoever at church.

Apparently we are five.

But then he decides to consistently like every picture I put up on instagram. Okay I know, not a really big deal, but it was annoying.

And I am the type of abrasive person that doesn't let people get away with pulling unscrupulous I called him out. I told him to either stop ignoring me at church and liking all my posts on instagram, or ignore me in all capacities.

                                                                  It went quite well

He also told our mutual friend that she should have told me about all the girls he kissed. Obviously that excuses him. Silly her.

Point---I was the wacko girl who called him out and told him to stop liking her pictures.

Trivial? Yes.

Justified? I think so.

Don't pretend to be a nice guy that tells a girl he likes her and then treats her like a notch in the belt.

Am I so out of line to be mad because he lied to me, kissed me, "forgot" about our date, and then ignored me in real life while obnoxiously stalking my insta?

Story number 2:

This next one is a real treat. It's actually in response to the previous story. So I am talking to one of my best friends about Brady, and she asks if I have considered meeting guys on Tinder.

Of course I laughed and laughed and laughed some more because, Tinder. But we had this long chat about it, and I caved.

Yeah, I got a Tinder.


I figured, there couldn't be worse guys on there than I was meeting in real life.

I was wrong. Oh so wrong.

Turns out, I'm afraid of meeting guys on Tinder.

I mean, I am terrified of men I meet in real life at my Institute classes and at church.

How could I have any comfort meeting guys on an app, right? Except about half the couples that have come into my diamond store in the last month have met each other on Tinder, and now they are getting married. My roommate included.

So I tried to utilize it, but being the big fat chicken that I am, I only would click on boys I already knew or had met in real life.

So, really effective. I know.

Among those guys, I came across this guy named *Ty. I thought he was a fox when I met him at church maybe 2 years ago, so of course I swiped him. And he swiped me back, which as you may or may not know, allows you to be able to message each other. That's when I received this message:

First of all, it is evident he doesn't remember meeting me (which I think was already established that I take being forgotten super well,) and my legs? I put up a picture of when I went and hiked the Subway at Zion National Park because it was one of the best trips of my life and hiking is something I love to do, but really?

Homeboy has one chance to make an impression here and he leads with that? I'm sure he is sincerely interested in talking to me and getting to know my personality.

**Guys, hint, if you want to impress a girl, do not lead with "nice legs." If I could have slapped him, I would have.**

In case you haven't already deduced, I am not really the type to let a comment like that go. After all, I am my mother's daughter.

I messaged him back. I said, "oops, you forgot we met already."

He was like, "yea I did, remind me!"

To which I didn't respond. I gave him a chance.

Here was the moment to walk away.

Unfortunately he did not see this advantageous opportunity and continued to message me. He wanted to know where we met, and when I told him, he unapologetically acknowledged that he had no memory of me. I cannot tell you how flattered I was. And after that, he said he would be interested in remeeting me. I let him know I wasn't really interested.

He took it with grace, dignity, and unfathomable maturity.

So then he told me I had daddy issues and something else I can't remember.

Sure, I was the psycho girl that told him I wasn't flattered by him sexualizing me or not remembering me at all, but he was the rat that thought he was being charming by letting me know how much he likes my legs, and lashes out when he gets called out for his hideodorous pick up tactics.

I am not insecure about my looks. Tell me I'm hilarious and that you want to buy me tacos. I am not a complicated woman.

What do we take away from this?

All girls every where are susceptible to this sickness. Like a cold, we all catch it at one time or another.

But fellas, when you tell story after story about all the insane women you keep meeting, just keep in mind, YOU MAY BE THE COMMON FACTOR.

If you think all the girls you go out with are nuts, maybe its time to consider that you are a total bag. Just thinking out loud here.

On behalf of the crazies.

You know you love me


*names have been changed. I don't really know why. I don't care if they see. Get a grip.