Tuesday, September 24, 2013

don't you ever tell me how to live my life again


I would like to preface this by stating that I say the following not to sound vain or conceited, but I'm not an idiot. I know that by the world's standards, many boys (and some girls) would qualify me as an attractive person. Ha, who am I kidding? I'm basically God's gift to men. I mean, don't get me wrong, I didn't use to be, but at this point in my life, I've got the batting my eyelashes and twirling my hair down to an art form. This being said, I feel constantly under attack by the "nice guy" that as a pretty girl, I only date tools. Because apparently, pretty girls only date mean boys.

First of all, if I hear the above statement one more time, I'm going to start throwing punches. Unless I ask for your opinion on my dating life, don't voice it, because I really, truly, honestly, to the very depths of my soul don't care. #SorryNotSorry

Secondly--I have dated a variety of gentlemen. Some of them were quite possibly some of the sweetest persons I had ever met. I wanted to marry one of them, because I couldn't possibly imagine a more wonderful, kind hearted, better person. (That's another story.) However, I hereby formally admit to dating losers. Not only have I dated some real jerks, but I have had friends that I spent inordinate amounts of time with that said some of the rudest things to me I've ever heard. So sue me. I'm not the only one who has made poor dating choices. You, reading this, if you are single, married, widowed, a swinger or anything else in between, I know you aren't proud of every person you've given the time of day to. Don't even try to deny or argue with me. Stop it right now. You're a big fat liar.

Here is where I'd like to give my defense though-and I think this is supported by most "attractive girls" that have ever dated the...not so nice boys. I am someone who, despite my snarky and sarcastic demeanor, deeply believes in the best in others. Call me silly, naïve, whatever you will, but I really believe there is good in everyone. That being said, I don't believe you can necessarily share that part of you with every person you come in contact with, or even date. I think as humans, we keep areas of our persons and our hearts in reserve from most of the world. Some may like to think their walls impenetrable, but I guarantee, if and when the right person comes along, those walls will crumble.

I love to know people. I love to observe and understand who people are and why they feel and act the way they do. And (admittedly often foolishly) I try to make people feel loved. Those guys I've dated that weren't nice to me, I don't hate. I don't think they are bad people. I honestly think that I simply wasn't the right person to love them. I just try to be. Until it reaches a point where it hurts so much to love them that I have a hard time seeing myself for who I know I am, I reach out, and I try. And maybe that's not what is right or good for me, however I can't help it. I know my worth. I know I'm loved and I'm worthwhile, and at the risk of getting slightly emotional, it sincerely breaks my heart to know that some people don't know what I know-don't feel what I feel.

Woah. I tripped and fell into some feelings. Don't worry, brushed that off.

Seriously though, that's why I've dated boys that weren't nice to me. That's why I maintained friendships that hurt. People lash out when they are hurting, when they don't feel loved. Maybe it was wrong, but I have dated boys simply so they could know how it felt to be cared for by someone. Obviously I don't have all the answers, because I'm almost 21 and not married, which in the Mormon world basically qualifies me in the running as an old spinster. Maybe I need a new outlook or approach. Or maybe, I just need people to stop trying to tell me who to date or how to live my life.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

insubordinate, and churlish

So I fast tracked high school. I graduated in November of 2010, and spent the remainder of my would-be senior year working as a substitute teacher. Then when I moved to Utah, I found employment working as a sub on and off and have done so for about 2 and a half years. I absolutely adore teaching kids, and hands down my favorite to teach are middle and high schoolers. They are mostly super awkward, and it's just really funny to point out their awkwardness.

Maybe it's easiest to control the older ones because they always think I'm much cooler than they are, so they tend to be submissive. Maybe our maturity level is the same so we can all relate. Whatever. Either way, (and I say this in the most humble but also factual way possible) I adore teaching those kids, and they absolutely love me. I have a folder of notes and pictures from kids, and a list of all the ridiculous things I've been told, but those are for another time.

In this post, I just want to say, thank you. In my many days of subbing, when trying to decide how to be better, how to teach and touch the lives of these children, I haven't looked to past teachers that have influenced my life for the better, rather I have one role model. One person that I aspire to be like. In following the footsteps of this man, I feel I can truly reach my full potential as the super, ultra substitute teacher of the century:

Mr. Garby--you inspire me.

Saturday, September 14, 2013

you've got (voice)mail!


Fellas. This one goes out to some friends that keep asking my advice in this situation, so for their sake, let's play out a little scenario:

You are at (insert social scenario here) and you meet this girl. She's beautiful--like a 9.9, funny, talkative, shy, whatever tickles your fancy and brings you over to talk to her. Y'all two then proceed to engage in what seems on your end to be a magical conversation. The night begins to come to a close, and you slyly spout some clever way of getting her number. She complies and you are over the moon. You go home, talk to your guy friends, type out a text and debate sending it, contemplate the appropriate wait time, think about her all day long...wait, you're a dude--so in reality you just go home and think about her a few days later, so you send the code that will connect you telephonically through to her...and it rings. And rings, and rings. Her voicemail comes on the other line. You leave a message stating your name and purpose, then make a simple request that she call you back. Easy enough, right? But as you wait for a return call so you can propose going out on a date as planned, she sends you back a text: "hey, I got your message, what's up?"


Run so far and so fast and never look back. If you call a girl after she gives you her number, you can bet your bottom dollar that she knows your intent is to ask her out. Sending a text back in response to a call is a total cop out. Sadly, it means she just isn't interested. The reality is, it's easier to reject someone over a text rather than in person or on the phone. Some might call it spineless or cowardly, but regardless, that's the truth. Now, at this point, if this is the situation you're in, you might be going back over your conversation, parsing it and wondering if it really went as well as you thought it did in the first place. Chances are, it didn't. Or perhaps it did, and she changed her mind. Either way, you've just been kicked to the curb. So go out there and find a new girl to call. But keep calling! I know gentlemen that feel defeated and resort to texting all the girls, and it makes me want to die. Just because she was a weeny and didn't return your call doesn't mean you need to be from now on. Kthanksbye.