So I know this blog is neverrrr*** controversial and never sparks debates, and has nothing to do with my own personal beliefs or stances, but I thought just this once, I would be a little outspoken.
***I'm always outspoken.
And since this is a dating blog, and the end goal of dating is marriage, I felt this seemed appropriate for today.
Yesterday the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had many articles published about it regarding it's policy for the membership of children within same sex parent homes. I have seen a substantial amount of backlash and upset from not only the general public, but from dear friends of mine. So I hope to shed a bit of light on the subject. And since I am a teacher, it is time to have a lesson.
Did you know that Muslims cannot be baptized into the church in Egypt at 8 years old?
Did you know children from polygamous homes also cannot be baptized into the church at 8 years old?
Did you know any child from any household in America or any other country, with parents that say they can't be baptized can NOT be baptized at 8 years old?
No one since the history of this church has been able to be baptized without the proper permissions and authorities. In fact, angels had to come out of heaven to give Joseph Smith the proper channel through which to baptize and be baptized.
In order for a boy to receive the priesthood, he must have permission to do so. And all mission calls are divinely appointed through the first presidency. I implore everyone to try to understand what is being said. And please don't be mistaken into thinking that anyone is exempt from being blessed by the church. Anyone can receive a priesthood blessing, as well as blessings rained down from heaven.
So yes, different steps must be taken for a child from a same sex parent home must be taken in order to receive baptism, and other ordinances. But they are not the only ones. Is it possible that we as members are being tested? Yes. Is it possible that those children who will have to wait to officially become part of this church will be held responsible or punished for that? The answer is a resounding no. Might I add, that no where does it say kids are not allowed to come to church meetings or gatherings. Any who feel inclined to sit among our congregations are welcomed with open arms. Don't mistake the churches eternal stance on homosexuality for bigotry. Never in my life have I been taught to hate another person. Regardless of race, gender, sexuality, or weakness, it is an eternal principle to love one another. Often times people confuse the ability to love another without condoning their choices, with being prejudice.
That being said, no one outside of the Lord and those whom He called as apostles knows without a doubt why these policies are instated. However, all the faith in my heart screams that it is on the basis of protection.
How confusing would it be as a young, impressionable child of 13 to have been baptized into a church that teaches that practicing homosexuality is a sin, and learn the principles of what the LDS church preaches to be the true family unit every Sunday, and to come home to a family with two moms or two dads. I work with children all the time. I have worked with them for years in various capacities and ages. I know how confused they are about life. I know how hard they are looking for answers and looking for self confidence, discovery, and assurance. Growing up in a home where we were all infinitely close with one another, I can say without hesitation that one of my biggest draws towards the gospel of Jesus Christ was the promise that by and through it, I would have the opportunity to be with my family forever. As a kid, the church meant a lot to me because my family meant a lot to me.
My parents for as long as I can remember taught our family motto as "no empty chairs." That meant that we wanted to be with each other forever. And the church gives us that promise. I can't say for sure, but I would imagine if I was as close to my family growing up, but learning in church that we could not be together forever would deter me from that religion. Or perhaps it would distance me from my family. The bottom line is, this gospel is not by any means trying to tear homosexual households apart. In fact, I believe the Elders are telling us that this church doesn't want to be the reasons family is torn apart. It happens, unfortunately. But I think this is a preemptive measure to contain that and maintain peace in the home until a child becomes an adult. As an adult, that child can choose if he or she believes in the church and views same sex marriage as a choice their parents, who certainly love them so dearly, made, but not one that will lead to an eternal, exalted family.
The church has never supported gay marriage as a family unit. That is not news. However, I believe there is a chance here to turn to our Father in Heaven to let Him show us His purposes. This is a time to be tested. To trust. To grow your faith. The brethren have never lead us astray. The gospel has always been, and will certainly forever be about love. Let members love you. Love each other. As you are filled with love, let that breed understanding and patience. I stand as a witness with Nephi who wrote "I know that [the Lord] loveth his children; nevertheless I do not know the meaning of all things." I ask for civility on the war that has begun waging on this church I love so dearly. Hatred of this church won't cause a change in policies. Attacks on the brethren or members won't get you what you want, unless you are seeking for sorrow. I hope this post will encourage everyone to try to see this from an eternal perspective and an educated standpoint. I love the gospel so much. I love the prophet and the apostles. I know they lead by the spirit. And I know "whether by mine own voice or the voice of my servants, it is the same."
Pray. Take your concerns and your questions to the Lord. I promise if your heart is open, He Will bring peace and understanding to your mind. Don't let this derail what testimony you have already. Hold to the ground you have gained and ask in faith.
I love you.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
don't drink the water...poison
LESSON 41: DON'T LOSE YOUR FACE
It was the summer of ...more recent than I care to tell you all.
I had a friend at work that wanted to set me up with his brother. I conceded to go to dinner to meet him.
His brother, whom we will call Dave, (because he looked like Dave Franco,) was babetastic. Obviously. Hence the nickname. He has a great smile, he was a gentleman, he cooked a delicious dinner, and he was fun. All signs pointed to the death of my single life.
RIP.
So later that night, he and his brother suggested we go longboarding. I told them I had never been before, and they said they would teach me.
Which was perfect because men love being manly and teaching girls to do stuff! (right?)
So we go to the car, and I am wearing sandals and shorts, and I asked if that was proper longboarding attire. They informed me that it was.
It unfortunately was not.
So we get to the canyon, and they teach me most of the basics, and I can catch on to things pretty quickly, so I thought I was ready.
We rolled out.
Now, I don't know if y'all have ever longboarded down Provo Canyon, but it can be considered slightly treacherous for a trial run longboarding. But me, being the rock star that I am, did pretty well.
The guys had to stop me a couple of times, and I walked down one of the steeper slopes, but overall, I was decently impressed with myself. And of course I thought I was impressing homeboy Dave. What a good night!
The only thing that wasn't ideal, as far as I was concerned, was that at some point down the canyon, it occurred to me that I had to use the facilities...you know...because I have a teeny tiny bladder.
Needless to say I was feeling pretty good. I played a little damsel in distress, while also being the cool, confident, "I can do what you can do," chick.
And then we get to the bottom of the canyon.
Dave had stopped in front of me. And unfortunately, in all their teaching, my sensei's had forgot to teach me how to stop.
Now, if I remember correctly, I think we both went the same way to dodge one another, but I knew a collision was inevitable.
So I bailed.
I just straight jumped off the longboard.
Upon landing, I made contact first on the ground with my ankle, which I twisted, and then rolled and hit my head.
During some point of my little tumble, it would seem that I would lose control of my inhibitions.
Yep.
I legit peed my pants. With two super good looking guys in the canyon, far away from my house.
Dave ran over to see if I was ok, and I laid there. Soiled.
Like the gentleman he was, Dave tried to help me up. I pushed him away, pretending I was trying to be tough. When in reality, I really just didn't want him to gain intelligence on my predicament. We got to his car and his brother peaced out when I told him I was ok. So it was just me, Dave, his car, and my urine.
All I could think was that I was thankful for the cover of night, but that I would be sabotaged and betrayed by the appearance of a wet seat.
So the entire ride home, I lifted myself up so I wouldn't sit directly on his car seat. Dave asked why I didn't just sit down, and I told him it was because my ankle hurt. Which I guess he believed.
I'm not sure what holding myself up above the seat would do to subdue the pain in my ankle, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
He also insisted on taking me to his house so he could doctor my injuries, but I loudly protested. It is possible that he attributed that to me not liking him, when in reality, I just needed to take my pants off.
I kept this secret to myself for a long time, because as someone that doesn't get embarrassed often, I was a little mortified.
Especially because I suspected that the boys might have some inclination as to what happened, but they didn't say anything out of respect. Which I truly appreciate.
It was a situation that at the time, I recognized that it was a funny thing, and I would probably think was funny later, but it was not funny then!!
However, a few weeks ago, I told some people in China, and then they told everyone else, and now I can accept it as just funny. Speaking of which, whilst in China, we had an intern that worked with us, that mostly spoke English, but she would still ask what certain words or phrases meant. At one point, she asked what the English translation of the Chinese phrase "lose my face" would be. Some people told her in America, it would be the same as saying "peed my pants." Which wasn't true. But we didn't know what it meant to lose your face! Hence the title.
So yeah. I couldn't date a boy because I peed my pants on our longboarding adventure.
Darn loss of bodily functions.
It was the summer of ...more recent than I care to tell you all.
I had a friend at work that wanted to set me up with his brother. I conceded to go to dinner to meet him.
His brother, whom we will call Dave, (because he looked like Dave Franco,) was babetastic. Obviously. Hence the nickname. He has a great smile, he was a gentleman, he cooked a delicious dinner, and he was fun. All signs pointed to the death of my single life.
RIP.
So later that night, he and his brother suggested we go longboarding. I told them I had never been before, and they said they would teach me.
Which was perfect because men love being manly and teaching girls to do stuff! (right?)
So we go to the car, and I am wearing sandals and shorts, and I asked if that was proper longboarding attire. They informed me that it was.
It unfortunately was not.
So we get to the canyon, and they teach me most of the basics, and I can catch on to things pretty quickly, so I thought I was ready.
We rolled out.
Now, I don't know if y'all have ever longboarded down Provo Canyon, but it can be considered slightly treacherous for a trial run longboarding. But me, being the rock star that I am, did pretty well.
The guys had to stop me a couple of times, and I walked down one of the steeper slopes, but overall, I was decently impressed with myself. And of course I thought I was impressing homeboy Dave. What a good night!
The only thing that wasn't ideal, as far as I was concerned, was that at some point down the canyon, it occurred to me that I had to use the facilities...you know...because I have a teeny tiny bladder.
Needless to say I was feeling pretty good. I played a little damsel in distress, while also being the cool, confident, "I can do what you can do," chick.
And then we get to the bottom of the canyon.
Dave had stopped in front of me. And unfortunately, in all their teaching, my sensei's had forgot to teach me how to stop.
Now, if I remember correctly, I think we both went the same way to dodge one another, but I knew a collision was inevitable.
So I bailed.
I just straight jumped off the longboard.
Upon landing, I made contact first on the ground with my ankle, which I twisted, and then rolled and hit my head.
During some point of my little tumble, it would seem that I would lose control of my inhibitions.
Yep.
I legit peed my pants. With two super good looking guys in the canyon, far away from my house.
Dave ran over to see if I was ok, and I laid there. Soiled.
Like the gentleman he was, Dave tried to help me up. I pushed him away, pretending I was trying to be tough. When in reality, I really just didn't want him to gain intelligence on my predicament. We got to his car and his brother peaced out when I told him I was ok. So it was just me, Dave, his car, and my urine.
All I could think was that I was thankful for the cover of night, but that I would be sabotaged and betrayed by the appearance of a wet seat.
So the entire ride home, I lifted myself up so I wouldn't sit directly on his car seat. Dave asked why I didn't just sit down, and I told him it was because my ankle hurt. Which I guess he believed.
I'm not sure what holding myself up above the seat would do to subdue the pain in my ankle, but I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
He also insisted on taking me to his house so he could doctor my injuries, but I loudly protested. It is possible that he attributed that to me not liking him, when in reality, I just needed to take my pants off.
I kept this secret to myself for a long time, because as someone that doesn't get embarrassed often, I was a little mortified.
Especially because I suspected that the boys might have some inclination as to what happened, but they didn't say anything out of respect. Which I truly appreciate.
It was a situation that at the time, I recognized that it was a funny thing, and I would probably think was funny later, but it was not funny then!!
However, a few weeks ago, I told some people in China, and then they told everyone else, and now I can accept it as just funny. Speaking of which, whilst in China, we had an intern that worked with us, that mostly spoke English, but she would still ask what certain words or phrases meant. At one point, she asked what the English translation of the Chinese phrase "lose my face" would be. Some people told her in America, it would be the same as saying "peed my pants." Which wasn't true. But we didn't know what it meant to lose your face! Hence the title.
So yeah. I couldn't date a boy because I peed my pants on our longboarding adventure.
Darn loss of bodily functions.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
dear future husband
So typically on Sundays, I like to share spiritual thoughts or feelings from church or talks I have studied, but I was talking with my family this morning about revelation, and it occured to me that my ideas would appropriately fit in my blog.
All of us have a list of what we are looking for in our significant other. I made a physical list in Young Women's roughly 6 years ago. As time has gone on, the list has changed and grown and shrunk and this morning, I realized I only need 2 qualities in my future husband.
The first quality is that he has to make me laugh. Because I laugh all the time anyways, so whoever I'm with better be able to laugh with me. Obviously.
The second, and most encompassing, and also arguably most important is that he must be someone that seeks for, and lives by revelation. In my experience, the men I have dated that have possessed all the other traits I want, are men that let revelation direct their lives. Because those who live in accordance to revelation are those who love God more than anything or anyone else. They are temple worthy. They are more often than not the ones that served honorable missions. They are people that serve. Letting our Father in Heaven know that we will live in accordance to His will is evidence that we are humble, and teachable. And when we display these traits, we are susceptible to being more loving, more compassionate, more charitable. The more we obey, the more we serve, the more we love. These are purposefully, and divinely intertwined. Men that generally treat women the best, that are typically the most chilvalrous, are ones that know how because they are sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, that know the value of themselves and others. Obviously humans are flawed, and even living close to the spirit leaves room for error, but the caliber of person who relies heavily on revelation far exceeds those who don't. Not to say those who don't let revelation guide them are bad people, but the chances of them bringing you closer to Christ are far more slim if they aren't constantly calling upon Him. Right? Especially because questions such as where you are going to live, how many kids you'll have, jobs, houses, serving a mission, and things of that nature can all be solved by trusting in the Lord's plan.
Revelation is how we change and learn and grow. Revelation leads us to the Atonement, it's how our Father speaks to us and helps us.
My dad lives his life in such a way. He is the reason I expect what I expect out of the men I date, and likewise why I expect what I do of myself. He is valiant and lets God lead his life in every aspect. My mom and I were discussing about the miracle it is that my dad can and has always been able to provide for a family of 12 with no college degree. And I believe it's because he trusted in the Lord's plan for him and his life. I mean, he is brilliantly smart, so he also emmulates his talents. Luckily, I am constantly, immensely blessed by the way he receives and listens to revelation.
I don't claim to be perfect. I know I am far from where I need to be. But I do aim for exaltation, and I know revelation is the way to get there. And I cannot love someone (romantically) who isn't on the same path that I am on. I'm not interested in a temporary marriage. I have no interest in loving for a while. I want to love with that forever love that we were promised if we live worthy. I want to be married for time and all eternity, and there is only one way to get there.
All of us have a list of what we are looking for in our significant other. I made a physical list in Young Women's roughly 6 years ago. As time has gone on, the list has changed and grown and shrunk and this morning, I realized I only need 2 qualities in my future husband.
The first quality is that he has to make me laugh. Because I laugh all the time anyways, so whoever I'm with better be able to laugh with me. Obviously.
The second, and most encompassing, and also arguably most important is that he must be someone that seeks for, and lives by revelation. In my experience, the men I have dated that have possessed all the other traits I want, are men that let revelation direct their lives. Because those who live in accordance to revelation are those who love God more than anything or anyone else. They are temple worthy. They are more often than not the ones that served honorable missions. They are people that serve. Letting our Father in Heaven know that we will live in accordance to His will is evidence that we are humble, and teachable. And when we display these traits, we are susceptible to being more loving, more compassionate, more charitable. The more we obey, the more we serve, the more we love. These are purposefully, and divinely intertwined. Men that generally treat women the best, that are typically the most chilvalrous, are ones that know how because they are sensitive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, that know the value of themselves and others. Obviously humans are flawed, and even living close to the spirit leaves room for error, but the caliber of person who relies heavily on revelation far exceeds those who don't. Not to say those who don't let revelation guide them are bad people, but the chances of them bringing you closer to Christ are far more slim if they aren't constantly calling upon Him. Right? Especially because questions such as where you are going to live, how many kids you'll have, jobs, houses, serving a mission, and things of that nature can all be solved by trusting in the Lord's plan.
Revelation is how we change and learn and grow. Revelation leads us to the Atonement, it's how our Father speaks to us and helps us.
My dad lives his life in such a way. He is the reason I expect what I expect out of the men I date, and likewise why I expect what I do of myself. He is valiant and lets God lead his life in every aspect. My mom and I were discussing about the miracle it is that my dad can and has always been able to provide for a family of 12 with no college degree. And I believe it's because he trusted in the Lord's plan for him and his life. I mean, he is brilliantly smart, so he also emmulates his talents. Luckily, I am constantly, immensely blessed by the way he receives and listens to revelation.
I don't claim to be perfect. I know I am far from where I need to be. But I do aim for exaltation, and I know revelation is the way to get there. And I cannot love someone (romantically) who isn't on the same path that I am on. I'm not interested in a temporary marriage. I have no interest in loving for a while. I want to love with that forever love that we were promised if we live worthy. I want to be married for time and all eternity, and there is only one way to get there.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
you are really dumb. for real.
LESSON 40: PICK UP LINES NOT FOR USE
In 22 and a half years of life, I have become certain of one thing: boys are dumb.
Eloquent? Maybe not. However as the kids say, it's on point. (right? That's how you use that? Or is it fleek? Ugh. I dunno. I can't even define fleek or "on point" in this verbiage. High schoolers are weird)
Roughly 3.5 years ago, I go to a Halloween roller skating party with my sisters.
In 22 and a half years of life, I have become certain of one thing: boys are dumb.
Eloquent? Maybe not. However as the kids say, it's on point. (right? That's how you use that? Or is it fleek? Ugh. I dunno. I can't even define fleek or "on point" in this verbiage. High schoolers are weird)
Roughly 3.5 years ago, I go to a Halloween roller skating party with my sisters.
That freaky doll, man....
At this party, I meet a guy. He is super cute and funny and he asks me out. We go on a date and it's relatively fun, probably mostly because he was wearing a fanny pack and I never stopped laughing. GUYS. A FANNY PACK.
Seinfeld gets it.
I would feel bad that I laughed so much, but this guy was soooo into himself. Much more than he was into me. Evidentally he never called me after that first date. For a second, I thought maybe it was because he was sad about all the laughing. When in reality, the guy probably walked passed a mirror, so like, how could I compete really?
And I never talk to him again. So end of story. Or so I thought....
This morning....yes, today on June 14, 2015 YEARS LATER, he messages me. He tells me he is in love with my smile. I'm like...thanks brah? But then he proceeds to tell me how gorgeous and beautiful I am. Naturally, I ask why he is telling me this, because we literally haven't talked for years. I don't know if that point has been made yet. He let's me know that he was really really immature back then and he has grown up now and he wants to take me out again, but before he does he wants to look at my instagram. I gave him shifty eyes (in my mind since you know, he wasn't actually looking at my face) and I gave my user name to him. Then he responds with "still sexy." Uh, thank you? I'm glad I didn't get ugly over the years? In an attempt to brush off the comment I say something along the lines of "oh it's just because I posted a picture of a mustang..." when in my head I'm like ew, you gross. To which he asks if I wanted to make out on the hood. Excuse me, I actually need to throw up now.
I retorted that it's obvious that he has grown up--*sarcasm--and I let him know that quality women don't respond well to petty, vapid pick up lines such as that and that if he was looking to actually get a woman, he might want to shift his focus to perhaps her personality, her sense of humor, her talents, her testimony maybe. Our conversation ended with his ever witty and highly intelligent message "lol ok."
Moral of the story? Never go out with a guy that voluntarily totes around a fanny pack. Or the moral is that a large group of men have no idea how to respectfully flatter and flirt with/pick up women. Either or.
Friday, May 15, 2015
go on and (don't) kiss the girl
LESSON 39: WHEN NOT TO KISS HER
Holy smokes. It's been a long time since I have been on here. I know you all have missed me. So I'm back. You're welcome.
Now, I have been on hiatus for a while, but, due to some stories from my girlfriends, and some...not that recent, however freakishly frequent experiences of my own, I would like to share with you all when may be the worst possible times to try to kiss a girl.
1. When she is upset. One time, I thought my world was falling apart, as it sometimes does, (not that I am ever dramatic at all,) and I went to confide in a friend of mine about it, right? So I am sitting there on his couch, sobbing, and he just tries to kiss me! Hello, I am leaking out of all my orifices and trying to talk about my feelings. Neither of these are common occurrences in my life--except when I watch Grey's Anatomy--so you would think I could catch a break and not have to also worry about someone trying to put his face on my face. Stahp.
2. If on your date, she is closed off, shying away from you, covering her mouth/face, leaning away from you in the car, one might deduce that she is not so keen on the idea. Probably don't go for it. Unfortunately, at that point, you will become privy to the "cringe and swerve" move. It is a move I have perfected over time. DISCLAIMER--ladies, if you use this move on a guy, you will have to watch him leave your house faster than if he was on fire, and then he will likely never talk to you again.
3. On the off chance you DON'T LIKE HER...don't kiss her.
4. Maybe the date you went on was really terrible and you both kind of hate each other by the end...probably a bad time to go for it. I feel the term duh is wildly called for here.
5. Perhaps you bring up the possibility of kissing. If she doesn't respond well to you saying you want to kiss her, do not then just go for it. Like, you'd think if you tell her you want to kiss her, and she kind of awkwardly laughs and shifts uncomfortably and scoots away from you, then you probably (definitely) should not just go for it.
6. If it's your first date. See previous blog post on the appropriate kissing time frame as decided by supreme ruler of the universe...me.
7. After you have eaten Chinese food.
8. When you just met her 30 minutes ago at FHE.
I love making lists for my blog. I hope you all enjoyed this one too. If not, I won't actually lose any sleep over it because you're wrong and dead to me. Anyways, these have been my top worst kiss attempt stories, but I would love to hear about yours too!! If you feel so inclined, leave a comment with a kiss gone wrong. Sometimes, when am not going out with men for a time, I feel the need to live vicariously through other people. So humor me. Or not. It's fine.
Holy smokes. It's been a long time since I have been on here. I know you all have missed me. So I'm back. You're welcome.
Now, I have been on hiatus for a while, but, due to some stories from my girlfriends, and some...not that recent, however freakishly frequent experiences of my own, I would like to share with you all when may be the worst possible times to try to kiss a girl.
1. When she is upset. One time, I thought my world was falling apart, as it sometimes does, (not that I am ever dramatic at all,) and I went to confide in a friend of mine about it, right? So I am sitting there on his couch, sobbing, and he just tries to kiss me! Hello, I am leaking out of all my orifices and trying to talk about my feelings. Neither of these are common occurrences in my life--except when I watch Grey's Anatomy--so you would think I could catch a break and not have to also worry about someone trying to put his face on my face. Stahp.
2. If on your date, she is closed off, shying away from you, covering her mouth/face, leaning away from you in the car, one might deduce that she is not so keen on the idea. Probably don't go for it. Unfortunately, at that point, you will become privy to the "cringe and swerve" move. It is a move I have perfected over time. DISCLAIMER--ladies, if you use this move on a guy, you will have to watch him leave your house faster than if he was on fire, and then he will likely never talk to you again.
3. On the off chance you DON'T LIKE HER...don't kiss her.
4. Maybe the date you went on was really terrible and you both kind of hate each other by the end...probably a bad time to go for it. I feel the term duh is wildly called for here.
5. Perhaps you bring up the possibility of kissing. If she doesn't respond well to you saying you want to kiss her, do not then just go for it. Like, you'd think if you tell her you want to kiss her, and she kind of awkwardly laughs and shifts uncomfortably and scoots away from you, then you probably (definitely) should not just go for it.
6. If it's your first date. See previous blog post on the appropriate kissing time frame as decided by supreme ruler of the universe...me.
7. After you have eaten Chinese food.
8. When you just met her 30 minutes ago at FHE.
I love making lists for my blog. I hope you all enjoyed this one too. If not, I won't actually lose any sleep over it because you're wrong and dead to me. Anyways, these have been my top worst kiss attempt stories, but I would love to hear about yours too!! If you feel so inclined, leave a comment with a kiss gone wrong. Sometimes, when am not going out with men for a time, I feel the need to live vicariously through other people. So humor me. Or not. It's fine.
Monday, February 2, 2015
Guest Post
Friends, family, enemies, everyone. This is a paper my cousin wrote. He is brilliant and also one of my favorite people in all the world. Enjoy.
The Defective Provo Dating Game
Walking around BYU campus and going to social activities in Provo, I see something interesting to me. It is almost as if we have separated our religious lives and social lives to the point of living two moral codes that have become almost entirely distinct. I think, really, that Provo is an amazing place. There are many things that make it incredible, but despite it all, Provo dating has worsened and it needs to change.
Here we go... sometimes as human beings we act in a certain way because it is commonly accepted, or because “everyone else is doing it.” It’s a familiar idea, and actually anciently it had major advantages and played a huge role in our survival as a species. Learning to fit in protected us and helped us stick together. Unfortunately, however, this same desire to be a part of a group can cause us to adopt certain behaviors and stereotypes that we otherwise wouldn’t. I think that this is happening too much in the Provo dating culture.
There seems to be a huge lessening of morality in our social lives. An example would be people who are taking or blessing the sacrament on Sunday after being up till one o’clock in the apartments of the opposite gender “making out.”
Weaknesses are real, and we should recognize them. We should be understanding and loving of everyone who makes mistakes, (ourselves included) but I think it’s a real problem when something like this happens and we all pretend like it isn't wrong. It seems that just because there isn’t a clear rule about something than it's “allowed” and alright. To me that's a terrible misconception.
Instead of talking about the obvious infraction of the honor code, let's focus on the “blurry line” of passionate kissing. On lds.org it says, “The phrase “passionate kissing” in For the Strength of Youth ([2011], 36) has to do with the kind of kissing that goes well beyond a peck on the cheek or briefly touching lips. It’s more intense and lasts longer than a brief kiss, and it’s often a step along the path to more serious kinds of physical intimacy, which is why you are warned against it before you’re married.” However you put it, what we recognize as “making out” is passionate kissing. It is exactly what is being referenced here.
Individual opinions will vary, but speaking plainly, “making out” almost always stimulates sexual arousal. For those who believe they are the exception, I have this question: why even risk it? The site goes on to say, "For the kind of dating and relationships you should be experiencing before marriage, it’s wise to hold back with your kisses, especially kisses on the lips." That seems straightforward enough for me.
But even if it’s not, you can’t really call that love. Not at all. Love is respect, and self-sacrifice, not dancing the line between acceptability and sin. It is true that the activities that cause sexual arousal are different for each person. It is more challenging for some to control thoughts than others, but true love is always erring on the safe side. No one can say that breaking an honor code rule, or going against the guidelines of the prophets is “alright for some people,” just because of our genetic variation. The young adults of Provo are spectacular, and I really think that we are above pretending like making-out is totally acceptable.
Psychologytoday.com says that "the more 'intimate' open-mouth, tongue -included type of kissing[...]can also lead to arousal and sex. Passionate make-outs are often necessary (and effective) precursors to further physical intimacy." I agree with that. Passionate kissing is very sexual in nature. It has a time and a place, of course, but that time and place is not before marriage. I think that there are ways that we can rise above this.
Something else, which has become another needless burden to daters everywhere, is the mortal fear that we all seem to share of “awkwardness.” It seems that nothing were so terrible, and no experience as painful as something awkward. We talk about it, we run from it, but still it seems to dominate everything. There perhaps is a time and place for awkwardness, such as in jokes and entertainment, but I think we've allowed it to grow into an outrageous challenge to our social lives.
For example. Why do we have to avoid old girlfriends or boyfriends at all costs so that no one feels awkward? Doesn’t that just feel wrong? I know it can be really uncomfortable, but I think It’s an invented rule of society that we could choose not to follow. In other cultures the word “awkward” doesn’t even exist, and this actually leads to less of these situations. Why do we talk about it so much, and avoid it so much, and do nothing to get rid of it? Or defeat it? Running away from something is not a victory. It may take courage and social aptitude, but we can face an awkward situation and maturely overcome it, sometimes just by taking a step back and laughing at it. I am convinced that with the right amount of love and eternal perspective, no situation could make us feel awkward. It’s not easy, and there situations where it's hard to not feel uncomfortable, but I think we can do something to get through it and not let it control us so much.
The worst part though, is that this leads to more harmful things that are going on. Elder Holland gave a speech awhile back to BYU. He spoke of his wife, and said that "To impair or impede her in any way for my gain or vanity or emotional mastery over her should disqualify me on the spot to be her husband." Emotional mastery over someone would be a perfect way of describing the feeling that some seek as they exploit and manipulate members of the opposite gender. There is no place for deception in dating. Any action to "make someone jealous" or as a retaliation of a "really bad break-up" would fall into this category. Forgiving someone, but never wanting to see them again, is not real forgiveness. Aren’t we all shooting for The Celestial Kingdom anyway? Wouldn’t it be best to work out our differences here? Weakness is allowing someone’s actions to stop us from loving them. True strength is real forgiveness and love. Elder Holland goes on to say that, "No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it." I argue that as brilliant members of a brilliant university, if we were putting our all into our dating relationships, it would not be in the defective, difficult state that it is now. We are all capable of much, much more.
A word to the sisters: I think that you are all amazing, but remember that the duty of having a celestial dating atmosphere is the responsibility of both genders. When inappropriate things happen, both are at fault. I see a lot of girls that, because of a low self-image, they make their relationship almost an object of worship. They feel that if they are not in a relationship, they aren’t worth anything. Remember this: true worth comes through remembering that Christ loves you. A relationship is not the answer to all your problems, and if it becomes that for you, it will never be healthy.
And guys, know that any activity on any level aimed toward inappropriate pleasure or self-interest is always and absolutely a trademark of an enemy of womanhood. Respect and love are transformers of mankind. Through self-control and real reverence toward your sisters, you will become something greater. The earth is in need of heroes. There's a real shortage of them. This world is incredible because it is a place where ordinary people can become incredible.
What would a place look like that ran completely on love? How would it be to have a dating atmosphere that is honest, open, and where everyone had the same goals? For this to happen, all of us have to change. Not just the “Provo All-Stars,” but everyone.
Once I overheard someone asking someone else about a joke. The person said, “No, I can’t tell it, it’s not super appropriate.”
The other asked, “Well, is it funny?”
Wait, just because something is funny, means it doesn’t matter if it is appropriate? I think that is a really sad and really dangerous idea.
I would like to end with one more Holland quote, "You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart."
I add my words to his. We all have so much brilliant potential here. I’ve really seen it, and as far as I'm concerned, the only way we can untangle the dating scene in Provo is to tie it to our discipleship, and it needs to be for real.
The Defective Provo Dating Game
Walking around BYU campus and going to social activities in Provo, I see something interesting to me. It is almost as if we have separated our religious lives and social lives to the point of living two moral codes that have become almost entirely distinct. I think, really, that Provo is an amazing place. There are many things that make it incredible, but despite it all, Provo dating has worsened and it needs to change.
Here we go... sometimes as human beings we act in a certain way because it is commonly accepted, or because “everyone else is doing it.” It’s a familiar idea, and actually anciently it had major advantages and played a huge role in our survival as a species. Learning to fit in protected us and helped us stick together. Unfortunately, however, this same desire to be a part of a group can cause us to adopt certain behaviors and stereotypes that we otherwise wouldn’t. I think that this is happening too much in the Provo dating culture.
There seems to be a huge lessening of morality in our social lives. An example would be people who are taking or blessing the sacrament on Sunday after being up till one o’clock in the apartments of the opposite gender “making out.”
Weaknesses are real, and we should recognize them. We should be understanding and loving of everyone who makes mistakes, (ourselves included) but I think it’s a real problem when something like this happens and we all pretend like it isn't wrong. It seems that just because there isn’t a clear rule about something than it's “allowed” and alright. To me that's a terrible misconception.
Instead of talking about the obvious infraction of the honor code, let's focus on the “blurry line” of passionate kissing. On lds.org it says, “The phrase “passionate kissing” in For the Strength of Youth ([2011], 36) has to do with the kind of kissing that goes well beyond a peck on the cheek or briefly touching lips. It’s more intense and lasts longer than a brief kiss, and it’s often a step along the path to more serious kinds of physical intimacy, which is why you are warned against it before you’re married.” However you put it, what we recognize as “making out” is passionate kissing. It is exactly what is being referenced here.
Individual opinions will vary, but speaking plainly, “making out” almost always stimulates sexual arousal. For those who believe they are the exception, I have this question: why even risk it? The site goes on to say, "For the kind of dating and relationships you should be experiencing before marriage, it’s wise to hold back with your kisses, especially kisses on the lips." That seems straightforward enough for me.
But even if it’s not, you can’t really call that love. Not at all. Love is respect, and self-sacrifice, not dancing the line between acceptability and sin. It is true that the activities that cause sexual arousal are different for each person. It is more challenging for some to control thoughts than others, but true love is always erring on the safe side. No one can say that breaking an honor code rule, or going against the guidelines of the prophets is “alright for some people,” just because of our genetic variation. The young adults of Provo are spectacular, and I really think that we are above pretending like making-out is totally acceptable.
Psychologytoday.com says that "the more 'intimate' open-mouth, tongue -included type of kissing[...]can also lead to arousal and sex. Passionate make-outs are often necessary (and effective) precursors to further physical intimacy." I agree with that. Passionate kissing is very sexual in nature. It has a time and a place, of course, but that time and place is not before marriage. I think that there are ways that we can rise above this.
Something else, which has become another needless burden to daters everywhere, is the mortal fear that we all seem to share of “awkwardness.” It seems that nothing were so terrible, and no experience as painful as something awkward. We talk about it, we run from it, but still it seems to dominate everything. There perhaps is a time and place for awkwardness, such as in jokes and entertainment, but I think we've allowed it to grow into an outrageous challenge to our social lives.
For example. Why do we have to avoid old girlfriends or boyfriends at all costs so that no one feels awkward? Doesn’t that just feel wrong? I know it can be really uncomfortable, but I think It’s an invented rule of society that we could choose not to follow. In other cultures the word “awkward” doesn’t even exist, and this actually leads to less of these situations. Why do we talk about it so much, and avoid it so much, and do nothing to get rid of it? Or defeat it? Running away from something is not a victory. It may take courage and social aptitude, but we can face an awkward situation and maturely overcome it, sometimes just by taking a step back and laughing at it. I am convinced that with the right amount of love and eternal perspective, no situation could make us feel awkward. It’s not easy, and there situations where it's hard to not feel uncomfortable, but I think we can do something to get through it and not let it control us so much.
The worst part though, is that this leads to more harmful things that are going on. Elder Holland gave a speech awhile back to BYU. He spoke of his wife, and said that "To impair or impede her in any way for my gain or vanity or emotional mastery over her should disqualify me on the spot to be her husband." Emotional mastery over someone would be a perfect way of describing the feeling that some seek as they exploit and manipulate members of the opposite gender. There is no place for deception in dating. Any action to "make someone jealous" or as a retaliation of a "really bad break-up" would fall into this category. Forgiving someone, but never wanting to see them again, is not real forgiveness. Aren’t we all shooting for The Celestial Kingdom anyway? Wouldn’t it be best to work out our differences here? Weakness is allowing someone’s actions to stop us from loving them. True strength is real forgiveness and love. Elder Holland goes on to say that, "No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it." I argue that as brilliant members of a brilliant university, if we were putting our all into our dating relationships, it would not be in the defective, difficult state that it is now. We are all capable of much, much more.
A word to the sisters: I think that you are all amazing, but remember that the duty of having a celestial dating atmosphere is the responsibility of both genders. When inappropriate things happen, both are at fault. I see a lot of girls that, because of a low self-image, they make their relationship almost an object of worship. They feel that if they are not in a relationship, they aren’t worth anything. Remember this: true worth comes through remembering that Christ loves you. A relationship is not the answer to all your problems, and if it becomes that for you, it will never be healthy.
And guys, know that any activity on any level aimed toward inappropriate pleasure or self-interest is always and absolutely a trademark of an enemy of womanhood. Respect and love are transformers of mankind. Through self-control and real reverence toward your sisters, you will become something greater. The earth is in need of heroes. There's a real shortage of them. This world is incredible because it is a place where ordinary people can become incredible.
What would a place look like that ran completely on love? How would it be to have a dating atmosphere that is honest, open, and where everyone had the same goals? For this to happen, all of us have to change. Not just the “Provo All-Stars,” but everyone.
Once I overheard someone asking someone else about a joke. The person said, “No, I can’t tell it, it’s not super appropriate.”
The other asked, “Well, is it funny?”
Wait, just because something is funny, means it doesn’t matter if it is appropriate? I think that is a really sad and really dangerous idea.
I would like to end with one more Holland quote, "You separate dating from discipleship at your peril. Or, to phrase that more positively, Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart."
I add my words to his. We all have so much brilliant potential here. I’ve really seen it, and as far as I'm concerned, the only way we can untangle the dating scene in Provo is to tie it to our discipleship, and it needs to be for real.