Friday, May 15, 2015

go on and (don't) kiss the girl

LESSON 39: WHEN NOT TO KISS HER


Holy smokes. It's been a long time since I have been on here. I know you all have missed me. So I'm back. You're welcome.


Now, I have been on hiatus for a while, but, due to some stories from my girlfriends, and some...not that recent, however freakishly frequent experiences of my own, I would like to share with you all when may be the worst possible times to try to kiss a girl.


1. When she is upset. One time, I thought my world was falling apart, as it sometimes does, (not that I am ever dramatic at all,) and I went to confide in a friend of mine about it, right? So I am sitting there on his couch, sobbing, and he just tries to kiss me! Hello, I am leaking out of all my orifices and trying to talk about my feelings. Neither of these are common occurrences in my life--except when I watch Grey's Anatomy--so you would think I could catch a break and not have to also worry about someone trying to put his face on my face. Stahp.


2. If on your date, she is closed off, shying away from you, covering her mouth/face, leaning away from you in the car, one might deduce that she is not so keen on the idea. Probably don't go for it. Unfortunately, at that point, you will become privy to the "cringe and swerve" move. It is a move I have perfected over time. DISCLAIMER--ladies, if you use this move on a guy, you will have to watch him leave your house faster than if he was on fire, and then he will likely never talk to you again.


3. On the off chance you DON'T LIKE HER...don't kiss her.


4. Maybe the date you went on was really terrible and you both kind of hate each other by the end...probably a bad time to go for it. I feel the term duh is wildly called for here.


5. Perhaps you bring up the possibility of kissing. If she doesn't respond well to you saying you want to kiss her, do not then just go for it. Like, you'd think if you tell her you want to kiss her, and she kind of awkwardly laughs and shifts uncomfortably and scoots away from you, then you probably (definitely) should not just go for it.


6. If it's your first date. See previous blog post on the appropriate kissing time frame as decided by supreme ruler of the universe...me.


7. After you have eaten Chinese food.


8. When you just met her 30 minutes ago at FHE.


I love making lists for my blog. I hope you all enjoyed this one too. If not, I won't actually lose any sleep over it because you're wrong and dead to me. Anyways, these have been my top worst kiss attempt stories, but I would love to hear about yours too!! If you feel so inclined, leave a comment with a kiss gone wrong. Sometimes, when am not going out with men for a time, I feel the need to live vicariously through other people. So humor me. Or not. It's fine.

3 comments:

caseymeyer said...

One time, after saying goodnight to my date and closing the front door, I got a knock on the door a couple seconds later. It was my date. He looked scared and I thought something was wrong. Questing his return I asked if he had forgotten anything, maybe he left his coat? He looked at me and said he forgot a goodnight kiss. Bahahaha. I wasn't sure what to do and agreed he could kiss me on the cheek. It was kind of awkward and trust me if there was a "moment" he could have kissed me, it was gone when he left the first time.

caseymeyer said...

I love you Olivia!

Jocelyn said...

Probably shouldn't kiss someone moments after throwing up... I'm not gonna elaborate on that particular story :)

Post a Comment