LESSON 2: AVOIDING THE FRIENDZONE
Sierra, this one is for you.
Now, we could debate the complexities of the alleged "friendzone" and whether or not one can
get out of this type of purgatory---
Borimir says no, to which I argue, it can be done. However, I do agree it can be hard, so enclosed are tips for avoiding it altogether. This one is for everyone. Girls and boys. We all know the feeling.
Last post I talked about flirting. Flirting is always a good precaution to avoiding being just friends. Because flirting (if done right) can effectively lead to dates. And dates are the first step to dating. Obvs.
Now, you've flirted, you touched his elbow, he asked your for your number and a date, you're in right? Wrong. One date does not allow for escape. So here's what to do and/or avoid:
In my opinion the number one reason people stay friends, is because they are scared. So suck it up. Everyone gets their heart broken. Everyone has broken a heart. It's just how things go, and how they will continue to go until you get married. You just need to learn that everyone has something to offer, and something to teach you. Stop being a baby and crying about your last relationship that went sour and left you broken, because we've all been there. Take time to heal, that's cool. But if you swear off dating forever because your former 'lover' "really hurt you" is wrong. You're not alone. I've been hurt just like everyone else, and after some time, I'm better. I learned something and that's what's important. Take a risk. If you aren't getting your heart broken, you aren't doing it right.
1. Do not hangout. If a boy likes you, and you like him, you need to make him take you on dates. It's classy. And old fashioned. And it works. Hanging out is not only what friends do, but it is what the Apostles counsel us NOT to do. They are inspired. Good rule of thumb--always listen to Jesus.
2. Do not talk about other boys. I don't know why girls do this. It is the ultimate "I'm not interested in you" message. It will not make him jealous. It will not make him like you better. It will just turn him off.
3. Do not go on lunch dates. Lunch dates are friend dates. It means he's not into you. Sorry.
4. I love you. A friend of mine had this status: "Whenever anyone tells you that they love you, you are being "zoned". Either family zoned, lover zoned, or friend zoned (most commonly the latter)" 'Nuff said.
(much of this is the same on your end)
1. If you like a girl, do not be her girlfriend. Do not go shopping with her, do not buy her groceries, do not let her get so comfortable around you that she doesn't care if you see her without make-up...or wearing crocs.
All these things are fine if you guys love each other, but until you're together, if you do these things, she's going to make you her best friend. Except, even if you are in love and happily married, never wear crocs.
2. Do not talk about other girls. Girls do get jealous. And it's obnoxious. And it eludes to you being a player. Which nice girls don't like anyways.
3. Do not accept or offer lunch dates. Taker her out on real ones.
Everyone hates it. And everyone thinks it's stupid. But it has to be played. If there's no chase, no mystery, one or both parties will get bored and move on. I'm not saying to mess with each other's heads and emotions, or to be a tool/floozie, or to be dishonest. I'm just telling you, don't show all your cards upfront. Everyone has something to offer, something different and beautiful, something not everyone knows, so make them work to see that. You're worth it. Promise.
Now, I'm not saying these tips are foolproof. You're not going to be able to date everyone who catches your eye, because that's just not plausible. Unless you are Ryan Gosling. As for the rest of us, we aren't compatible with everyone, and that's cool. That's what dates are for! To find out. I'm a big fan of dates...
If anyone else has anything to add or share, or questions to ask, feel free. These are just tricks I've learned from personal experience.