i dreamed a dream when ann hathaway didn't cut her hair

About two and a half months ago, I called up some friends to join me at the Color Festival in Spanish Fork, UT--which is basically a Hindu celebration of Spring, and all of Utah County comes and throws chalk at each other. However, the weather wasn't promising, so a couple friends and I decided against going. Instead we just ended up driving around, and I mentioned I wanted to do something different with my hair. One of my friends asked if he could shave one side. After much serious deliberation (no real thought at all,) I was like, "okay! La ti daaaaaa."

So we went grabbed his clippers and this happened....

Then this

Kenny said it was hot. Which is all that matters

unfortunately my parents only saw this

So I was fully embracing this punk, edgy, new hairstyle. I was really in love with it. I constantly had people compliment my hair--I even had a customer at work ask if she could take a picture of it so she could show it to her hairstylist and get her hair to look the same. Which would have been totally rad, but she was in her fifties, so kind of it was mostly weird.

Maybe a month or so ago, a group of guys came into work. I knew a couple of them from a couple years ago, and I talked to them a little while they were there. They said they were celebrating their friend's birthday, and invited me to go to Salt Lake with them later. My plans fell through for the night, and I figured, whatever. I knew some of them, my girl friend was going up to Salt Lake around the same time, so I went. The guys that were driving were not guys I knew intimately. In fact, I only knew the driver because one of my old roommates hung out with him a bit. So I am now in a car with three boys I don't really know, and I am starting to feel a little anxious. Yes, I already know that was a poor life choice on my part, so let's not talk about that again. But in my defense, I was under the impression the guys I knew would be meeting up with us. Turns out, they weren't. But we did meet up with another guy, who was really just....*charming.

*He was not charming at all.

So we are planning on going to a club called Keys on Main, which is actually a cool place where they can literally play any song on the piano. Even if it's not a piano song. I told my girl friend to meet us there. However, one of the guys has an expired license, so the bouncers won't let us in. It was then the guys decided to go to Bar X. Which was not such a cool place. My only options at this point were to ditch these guys, and be by myself in downtown Salt Lake City at midnight, or go with them. Unfortunately it was also at that time that my friend told me she wasn't coming up to Salt Lake after all. Thinking it was probably my best option to not be alone, I went with the guys.

Turns out, being a devout Mormon girl, that weighs all of 118 pounds, at a bar with belligerent drunk men is not that fun. Weird. I know. I told them I was a lesbian and I slipped away to the bathroom where I called a friend from the area and asked him to come pick me up. Thankfully he had just got done with work so he could come right over. And yes, it was super embarrassing and I felt like an idiot.

On the way home, we talked about work and country music. Even though I felt really stupid that we were in this position in the first place, I felt really at peace with him. Granted, I did have one of the drunk guys enlighten me that he was "definitely going to see [my] titties before the end of the night." But this friend driving me home, was just genuinely a good guy, also a member of the LDS church. While we were talking, he had mentioned this picture that he had picked of me to show up on his phone. I asked if I could see and he pulled up this picture..

I got home and played this night over and over again in my head. Those guys had mentioned more than once that they thought I looked like a girl they wanted to hang out because of my hair. Then I think of my friend that saved me from a potentially horrible outcome, who is kind and considerate, and that he hand picked that picture of me because that was the picture he liked best or thought represented me or whatever. My point is, I realized that even though I am not a rebellious girl, that despite my beliefs and how much I love my church, because my hair was shaved, these guys judged me to be a girl that likes to party. Sure, they shouldn't be judging, and I am not saying anything against people who have this haircut at all. Because I really love it. I am just saying that the above pictures are two very different images, and attracted two very different types of people.

Granted, a good majority of my friends, namely my guy friends, expressed that they liked the shaved head thing and that they thought it was really hot and cool, but those are people that already know me and what I stand for. They are people who already know that I don't drink or party, or show guys my boobs. However, as is evident by my current relationship status (single) I am still looking to meet someone to date and marry. So, while I'm not actually rebellious, if strangers think I am by what my image portrays, that makes it a lot harder to find the kind of guy I want to marry. Getting married in the temple is so important to me, that I would rather end up alone, than to marry a man who couldn't take me there.

So I have thought long and hard about the kind of girl I want to be, the kind of girl I want to come across as to attract the kind of guy I want. While I don't think people should judge one another except by their heart, from this experience, for me personally, I have decided that as much as I love my shaved hair, it is so much more important to me that I am not only appearing the way I believe, but also that I am a good example. I have little sisters, and I have been a counselor at a church camp. Rather than looking at me and seeing someone "cool," I want those girls to look at me and see someone who loves the church. Someone who is an example of Christ, who loves and serves people. I mean, the fact of the matter is, people are going to judge the way you look. No matter what. It's human nature. I was always that girl in high school that never wore tank tops or short shorts, and everybody told me I looked like a goody two-shoe Molly Mormon. In Utah, if I had a nickle for every person that told me I should wear my eye make up because I looked like a "bad girl," since I also have dark hair, I'd be a rich girl. Of course, I don't think we should society dictate what we should wear or look like. But as members of the LDS church, we are asked to keep a certain standard. That being said, I am growing out my hair. Unlike my make up, I do feel like my hair makes a certain statement, because I have received different attention since having it. Those boys aren't the only experience, just probably the most impactful. And that is not the attention I want. For those of you reading this, I mean this entirely as self discovery, and in no way am I judging anyone else or saying how you should live. This is all me and what I feel about myself.

PS. I apologize to my friend that told me he never wanted to be in my blog. Because now you are...

marry me?

LESSON 39: HOW TO GET FREE CAKE

In honor of April Fool's today, and the classic "I'm engaged," prank that 80% of Facebook users attempt each year--sorry guys, it's a little over done, and highly predictable--I thought I would share with all of you the story of when I was proposed to.

SETTING: The Woodlands, Texas. Early November. Saturday night.  

It was a group date. We had gone to dinner, went mini golfing, took tons of pictures, and decided to get ice cream and walk around the Woodlands Mall a bit. We were having a lot of fun, pranking people, laughing, and we reach an area where a huge Christmas tree is lit and a restaurant sits. The lights above us are twinkling, and our group decides we would like a picture together. As luck would have it, a large group was just leaving the restaurant! They were obviously having a celebration of sorts, carrying out balloons, presents, a large cake, and some elderly folks. Perhaps it was an anniversary? That doesn't actually matter. Anyways, one of the guys from our group ran to see if we could bother them to take a picture of us. The man he asked was a little hesitant, however slightly irritated, he agreed.

Each of us stood next to our date and smiled for the camera. Just before the man snapped the picture, my date, Scott, steps out and asks if he wouldn't mind waiting just one moment. Scott gets down on one knee. "Olivia, I know this is unexpected, but this has been a really great first date and I just have to ask if you'll marry me?" 

Taken aback, I'm silent for a split second before I agree. "Yes! Of course!" Tears in my eye as he puts a ring on my finger, everyone starts congratulating us. The strangers around us started offering congratulations and hugs. I was kissed by a couple crying old ladies who were so excited and happy for me, feeling so blessed they were able to witness such a happy moment in our lives. One of the strangers placed their cake in our hands and told us it was a gift for such a monumental, special occasion. Scott and I tried to decline, but these folks would not hear anything of the sort. We graciously thanked them and our groups divided and parted. WHAT NICE PEOPLE!










Too bad we are the worst.


Once we rounded the corner, our group could not stop laughing. Because, oh ho, April Fools! It wasn't a real proposal. We did feel so bad that we tricked those strangers and took their cake, but in our defense, we tried to decline the cake! Also, it made those old biddies so happy, I couldn't bear to tell them it was a joke. Plus, old people kind of freak me out, so the less interaction I have with them, the better.

In case you are wondering, we are all super aware that we are terrible people who are never making it to heaven. But it was super funny.



HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round

It seems that as of late, in spite of a society convinced that beauty is a size zero, with long thin legs, perfect hair, etc., there are a great many articles popping up about "big girls are beautiful too."

Recently I was reading one that talked about how being overweight was a sign of living, and those who spend their time being skinny don't have real happiness and don't really experience life.

Something to that affect.

To which I respond most eloquently--are you Africa? Because, Kenya not?



Social standing declares that being thin is beautiful, but more personal social networks proclaim that being thin is something to be frowned upon. I have read so many articles victimizing the overweight, and romanticizing that they are what is truly beautiful.

I am not arguing that women and men of other sizes are not beautiful, but listen, a girl that is thin is equally as beautiful. Victoria's secret models, while yes, are most likely all engineered to be sexy, are still incredibly beautiful women.

In a society so eager to preach equality and tolerance, there is certainly a great deal of one-sidedness.

I don't by any means claim to have the body of a Victoria's Secret model. However, I am a size 2, and
I love working out and running and being active.

I've been building a modeling portfolio. I like the way I look. I don't mean that in a conceited way, just in a confident, "I feel good," kind of way.

And you know what? I eat pizza. All. The. Time. I also love oreos, quesedillas, tacos, (Mexican food in general.) I eat multiple Serious Texas Tacos (which for my Durangotangs, you know what a feat that is,) and I can eat more than one Beto's burrito at a time.

So yeah, I experience the same foods as anyone else. More than many, actually. I also eat bowls of spinach or granola and (try to) drink enough water and I run all the time because I know its important to keep my body healthy.

It's just as much of a genetic condition that I eat like 7 men, and weigh 117 lbs, as it is for those who can't seem to lose weight.

All while I was growing up, I was constantly prodded by the other kids-"are you anorexic? Why don't you ever eat? If I touch you, you'll probably just break in half. Do you know there's no difference between your back and your chest? Don't let the wind blow you away!"

In middle school, a group of boys nicknamed me toothpick and never called me anything else for 3 years. I had the equation memorized that if you punched it into the old-school calculators and turned it upside down, it spelled "BOOBLESS." Yes, looking back now I can attest that the mental capacity of middle schoolers is truly astounding, but as an insecure 10+ year old, it was humiliating.

Let's talk about body image.

How often have we all heard the argument that Barbie gives girls unrealistic ideas about what our bodies should look like? I came across this ambiguous article today about "Average Lammily."

I want to express first and foremost that I unequivocally don't distinguish one "universal size."

People of all different shapes and sizes have a beauty that is their own. With that being said, yes, when I was a twerp, I thought Barbies were beautiful. I had like 150 thousand of them. Hands down, my favorite toy to play with for the first 7...9...ok, 14 years of my life.

Did I grow up with the notion that I had to look like my barbies to be desirable? Absolutely not. In fact, I only recently pursued modeling because my sister in law is a phenomenal photographer and has been taking pictures of me.

My brothers had the GI Joe/Max Steel/body builder type action figures. My whole family is genetically thin, so no, my brothers aren't huge guys. Do they look at themselves in the mirror while they hold those unrealistically muscular toys and question their entire existence? Not even a little bit. My brothers are pretty confident guys.

Some girls once thought my older brother was Ryan Gosling, (which is weird for me, because I think Ryan Gosling is the babiest babe that ever babed.) Maybe I haven't talked to enough women, but in all of my life, I have literally never heard a girl (even the most insecure ones) express that they wished they could look like their barbies.

I mean, I know a few feminists, and so far they personally haven't given that notion any real credibility.

So can't we just lay that one to rest?

Now I want to focus in on Hollywood. Hollywood is all about promoting a certain look. Anyone that knows anything about acting knows Megan Fox is literally the worst actor, but she is cast in movies because she's hot.

And let's all just be real for a moment--no matter what you look like, the general populace likes to watch pretty people.

Before you even try to argue with that, just take a look at Hollywood.

Whether or not you admit that you like to watch beautiful people in movies/tv shows, those actors, Victoria's Secret models, none of them are really hurting for money. Why? Because YOU pay to see them. You watch their shows on Netflix.

I mean, Rebel Wilson is fat, and she owns that. She is talented and I personally think she is a pretty girl, and she has done well for herself. I don't want to say Hollywood actors are only as successful as they are because they are handsome persons, because many of them are incredibly talented. I'm just saying, let's all stop pretending that we shun "perfect bodies," and that only the "average body type" is what we think is truly beautiful.

The fact of the matter is, people come in all shapes and sizes, and in more personal, local settings, to disregard someone because they are thin, and to fantasize that only those with more weight really experience life is just as ignorant and rude as the magazines telling you to have huge boobs and a tiny waist.

When you let society dictate what you should look like is when you'll face comparisons, put downs, and an inability to measure up.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. I once dated a guy that I thought was a total dreamboat. When we stopped seeing each other, several family members told me they thought he was butt-ugly. Different strokes for different folks, you know?

I agree, no one should be putting down girls that are larger than a double zero--but can we also stop saying that thin girls are "unhuman," "gross," or unable to live lives like anybody else?

I am a skinny girl, and I think articles proclaiming that skinny girls are "bad," are just as damaging as any fat shaming. Do we all realize that our vain notions of how we think others should look are largely attributed to girls developing eating disorders, among other psychological issues?

A person that is gorgeous is someone that smiles and is kind, who loves others and life.

Time after time, I have talked with guys about the girls they like/date. I cannot possibly count the number of times I heard of friends going out with a girl because he thinks she is the most beautiful woman to grace this earth, only to ditch her (although yes, sometimes after getting a little lip action in,) because she was rude or a vapid narcissist.

No matter who you are, your looks won't make up for your personality if you suck.

So maybe we should all stop focusing so much on what we should look like, and putting down other for what they look like, and try to be someone worthwhile.

my little 13 year old brother drew this and told me I was beautiful, and I love it the most

In any case, I think all of you are awesome, and I love that you read my blog. 

XOXO

PS. Here is an inspirational video about bullying: