LESSON 7: REALLY GOOD (and bad) DATES
First of all, if you understood the reference of the title of this blog (for which, I take no credit, it's all WB copywrited) make note of your superiority to the deprived kids who didn't have a childhood. In the nicest way possible. If you didn't, here's a link. You probably never went to Disneyland either.
Alright, I guess it's time for a little personal experience. I give all this advice about dating, and you may ask from time to time, "how does she know that? Where do these ideas come from?" Well, I mentioned before that I have been on a monumental amount of first dates, (and I'm still single? It must be them...) and while I've had some real doozies, I've also had some of the most awesome first dates that you all will surely be jealous of. Like that time a boy took me skydiving for a date. Nbd. However, the details of that date will not be included in this session. Sorry.
Now, let's discuss good date ideas vs bad ones. These are gems I've been on.
GOOD IDEA: Asking her what she likes to do, her interests, etc. and plan a date accordingly.
About this time last year, I was dating a boy. (Are you shocked? Because that's rude.) He was not only the funniest person I had ever talked to, but he was also the sweetest. All of our dates were awesome, but for the purposes of this blog, I'll keep it to one story. Now, over the course of seeing each other, he had found out these pieces of information about me: I walked to work at the University Mall from King Henry every day, which is about 4.5 miles, because I didn't(/still don't) have a car, I love frozen yogurt, I think all the art in the HFAC at BYU (where we went to church) is junk, and I love country music---One day on our way to Institute, he asked me what kind of music I liked. I told him country. He scoffed and said it was barfy, and asked why I liked it. I told him it just makes me happy, and reminiscent of summers past, and I felt like I could relate. To which he made fun of me and told me the songs were all about beer and tractors. I told him I have a tractor at my house and there is in fact a song called Big Green Tractor by Jason Aldean that is so obviously the story of my life, but for real it is one of my favorite songs.
So one night, he took me on a date to look at the art show that was happening at the museum. We walked around and spent our time making fun of everything, (sorry if you have art there, yes we did realize we were terrible people) and then we went to get fro yo and I got my cookie dough ice cream. So I'm pretty content by this point, because I am a girl of simple pleasures--it really doesn't take much to make me happy, when on our way back, he stops in a big empty parking lot. He drove a standard Jeep, and knew I didn't know how to drive a stick, so he told me he was going to teach me. I get excited, because I love trying new things, and as I sit in the driver seat, he pulls out his iPod, and turns on the Big Green Tractor song. My heart absolutely melted. And then he taught me how to drive a stick shift and told me I could take his Jeep to work because he had another one. Best guy ever, right? I'm pretty sure he's married now, and let me tell you, to a very lucky girl.
BAD IDEA: Not planning a date and being a total conceited butt wipe.
Now some background so y'all can get the full effect: there was a boy in my ward last winter, we'll call him J, who started asking me out in September of last year. Now, I was dating this other boy at the time (Big Green Tractor boy) so obviously I kept turning him down. Then, I still kept turning him down even after me and this other guy broke up, because J was so full of himself it blew my mind. At one point, J calls me and tells me he wants to take me out for some weekend, which I finally agree to, that he then cancels because there was a football game that night and he had season passes, and even though he went to every other game, he felt like he hadn't quite gotten his money's worth so he had to be sure not to miss one single game. Like, really? He asks me out for months and I finally say yes, and then he blows me off for football? Winner. So time passes, and we are still friends-ish, and he calls me one day in February and asks what I'm doing that Tuesday, and I usually had Tuesdays off, and I wasn't about to make up a lie, so I told him nothing. He informed me we were going on a date. I was like, whatever, I guess. So I get ready, and my roommates are all excited and talk about how great it was that I was going out for Valentine's Day. Woahhh, wait, it was Valentine's Day? My hatred for this particular holiday burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand yellow suns, ever since the 3rd grade. But that's another story. So for various reasons, I'm already not stoked on this date, but I resolve to be good company, because it's polite and courteous. He then shows up a half an hour late, (strike 1) and I get in the car, and he says "so, where do you want to go/what do you want to do?" Really, after asking me out for 6 months you didn't plan anything? Strike 2. We eventually decide to go to Texas Road House, and he tells me I can get anything on the menu, because money certainly isn't an issue for him. Okay, first, I'm sorry, but that kind of thing doesn't work on me anyways, shallow boy, and second of all, if you're going to try to boast about how fabulously wealthy you are, at least take a girl somewhere nice, like Sundance. That is a classy date. Then, for our entire date, he talks about how great and funny and good looking he is. He did not ask about me once, and then he was flirting outrageously with our waitress. At one point I asked if she wanted to sit down and take my place, and the two of them could have this date (which would have been a valid option, honestly, I'd be glad to get out.) Strike 3. Game over buddy. I ate as fast as I could and made him drive me home and told him I didn't want to go out ever again. Sadly enough, this isn't the worst date I've ever been on.
Moral of these stories: some guys are really awesome and want to take you out on super magical (I know, I'm a sap,) dates that you'll never forget because they are so wonderful and want to make you happy. Gentlemen, be like that. You will win hearts far and wide. Plus, every girl deserves to be treated like a princess. Ladies, those are the boys worth your time. Remember when President Uchtdorf said:
Be strong and of good courage. You are truly royal spirit daughters of Almighty God. You are princesses, destined to become queens. Your own wondrous story has already begun. Your “once upon a time” is now.
Be worthy of your happily ever after, and you'll find someone that will give it to you.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
honestly? i don't like you.
LESSON 6- HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY
Alright, this is one I struggle with. Letting someone know you aren't interested. I try really hard to be nice to everyone, and I'm really afraid of hurting people's feelings. Except in rare cases, I don't usually tell boy I'm not interested. I just usually tell them I'm busy or I stop answering texts--
that being said, gentlemen, if you ask a girl out, and she tells you she's busy without giving you another day as an option, she doesn't like you. Ladies, vice versa.
I do however, realize the cruelty in this. If you give someone a chance, and you decide you don't like them, let them know.
BUT, if you're interested in someone, and they don't like you, but aren't being upfront, these are signs to look for.
1. Unanswered calls/texts. The limit is 2 or 3. If you keep calling or texting after that, you're officially cast into CREEPZONE. If y'all thought friendzone was hard to get out of, creepzone is impossible. And if you take a girl out on a really horrible date and treat her really poorly, to the extent that she practically begs you to take her home, and you keep texting her the next day, and she tells you that you're a creep and to leave her alone, but you keep trying to talk to her anyways, 5 unanswered messages later, she will probably call the cops on you. For a random example...
2. "I'm busy." If a person isn't making time for you, they don't like you.
3. Girls, if he isn't calling you, if he isn't seeing you, if he doesn't ask you on a date, he doesn't like you. Period. Or at the very least, he doesn't like you enough. If a boy wants you to be in his life, he'll make an effort to have you there.
4. If they aren't committing, they don't like you. "It's not you, it's me." I'm sorry, but it's always you. We're about to get real personal here. But I do this so you can all understand where I'm coming from on some of this. I recently had an experience with a boy I liked a lot. We dated for a little while, but he was afraid of commitment, so we stopped seeing each other. Now, I understand probably better than anyone being "relationship phobic." I'm coming up on 20 years of being single. I don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, because it usually just stresses me out, so I avoid it. However, with this boy, I wanted it. I wanted to see him and only him. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I had no desire to spend time with anyone else. So, pretty big deal for me. And I couldn't let go. So a little while after we "broke up," whatever you want to call it, I went to see him. I told him I still had feelings for him, I told him I was scared, but I was in, because all I wanted was to be with him. He was this boy that treated me so nicely and made me so happy, that I was able to put my fears aside for this chance. He told me he had been hurt, and he was scared, and he had to think about it. Which crushed me. Because being with someone isn't something that needs to be thought out, considered for weeks, weighed out. If you want to be with someone, you'll be with them, fears and pains aside. And even though it broke my heart, I realized and told him that. Obviously we didn't get together, but at least now I know that even though he may have liked me, it just wasn't enough. I said everything I needed to say, and I put my whole heart out there, but as bad as I wanted it, he didn't. And I can move on knowing that this time, it wasn't because I was scared, I just wasn't the right person for him. Everyone you know and spend time with teaches you something. I learned that it's not necessarily that I can't commit, but simply that til this experience, I hadn't found a boy that my head and my heart wanted that with. Live and learn.
And because I'm uncomfortable being so serious, here's a little video for everyone to watch! ON A SCALE OF 1-NIGEL, HOW DATEBALE ARE YOU???
http://youtu.be/X5Bc4GRGT0M
Alright, this is one I struggle with. Letting someone know you aren't interested. I try really hard to be nice to everyone, and I'm really afraid of hurting people's feelings. Except in rare cases, I don't usually tell boy I'm not interested. I just usually tell them I'm busy or I stop answering texts--
that being said, gentlemen, if you ask a girl out, and she tells you she's busy without giving you another day as an option, she doesn't like you. Ladies, vice versa.
I do however, realize the cruelty in this. If you give someone a chance, and you decide you don't like them, let them know.
BUT, if you're interested in someone, and they don't like you, but aren't being upfront, these are signs to look for.
1. Unanswered calls/texts. The limit is 2 or 3. If you keep calling or texting after that, you're officially cast into CREEPZONE. If y'all thought friendzone was hard to get out of, creepzone is impossible. And if you take a girl out on a really horrible date and treat her really poorly, to the extent that she practically begs you to take her home, and you keep texting her the next day, and she tells you that you're a creep and to leave her alone, but you keep trying to talk to her anyways, 5 unanswered messages later, she will probably call the cops on you. For a random example...
2. "I'm busy." If a person isn't making time for you, they don't like you.
3. Girls, if he isn't calling you, if he isn't seeing you, if he doesn't ask you on a date, he doesn't like you. Period. Or at the very least, he doesn't like you enough. If a boy wants you to be in his life, he'll make an effort to have you there.
4. If they aren't committing, they don't like you. "It's not you, it's me." I'm sorry, but it's always you. We're about to get real personal here. But I do this so you can all understand where I'm coming from on some of this. I recently had an experience with a boy I liked a lot. We dated for a little while, but he was afraid of commitment, so we stopped seeing each other. Now, I understand probably better than anyone being "relationship phobic." I'm coming up on 20 years of being single. I don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, because it usually just stresses me out, so I avoid it. However, with this boy, I wanted it. I wanted to see him and only him. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I had no desire to spend time with anyone else. So, pretty big deal for me. And I couldn't let go. So a little while after we "broke up," whatever you want to call it, I went to see him. I told him I still had feelings for him, I told him I was scared, but I was in, because all I wanted was to be with him. He was this boy that treated me so nicely and made me so happy, that I was able to put my fears aside for this chance. He told me he had been hurt, and he was scared, and he had to think about it. Which crushed me. Because being with someone isn't something that needs to be thought out, considered for weeks, weighed out. If you want to be with someone, you'll be with them, fears and pains aside. And even though it broke my heart, I realized and told him that. Obviously we didn't get together, but at least now I know that even though he may have liked me, it just wasn't enough. I said everything I needed to say, and I put my whole heart out there, but as bad as I wanted it, he didn't. And I can move on knowing that this time, it wasn't because I was scared, I just wasn't the right person for him. Everyone you know and spend time with teaches you something. I learned that it's not necessarily that I can't commit, but simply that til this experience, I hadn't found a boy that my head and my heart wanted that with. Live and learn.
And because I'm uncomfortable being so serious, here's a little video for everyone to watch! ON A SCALE OF 1-NIGEL, HOW DATEBALE ARE YOU???
http://youtu.be/X5Bc4GRGT0M
Thursday, October 11, 2012
don't be a sucky date
LESSON 5: DATE ETIQUETTE
This post goes out to a friend of mine who told me about girls he has taken out who neglected to even thank him for dinner. Shame on you girls!
Now, there are certain procedures that are appropriate to follow when you are on a date, and they are as follows--
1. Be on time. It is so rude to make your date wait. And girls, be ready when he knocks on the door.
2. Open the door. Gentlemen open doors for their dates. And ladies allow them to do so. Obviously this is not true in all cases, but I think as evident by society, boys are only as gentlemanly as girls make them be. So let's all have a little class. And girls, be sure to have some manners and thank them for their chivalry.
3. HAVE A PLAN. Nothing is more unflattering to a girl than to find out your date put so little thought as to what you're going to do and where you are going to go. I have had boys start driving and ask me where I want to eat. I'm sorry, for real? I appreciate that they want to take into consideration where I would like to eat, but they don't get a second date. Ask her beforehand and make a plan. Don't just "wing it."
4. Compliment. Tons of girls take so much time to look nice for a date. I personally take an hour just to curl my hair and put on my make up. It's nice to hear your efforts are appreciated. And boys I'm sure like to hear that they look nice too.
5. Ordering food--girls, I can not tell you how many times I've had friends vent to me that they take their dates out to a restaurant and the girl a. gets a salad, or b. something way expensive and doesn't eat it all. I understand that not every girl can out eat their dates/hate salad (which may sometimes be embarrassing...for him!) so get something small, and in the price range as your date. He'll be glad you didn't break his bank, and you ought to be able to finish it.
6. Find out about each other. I have had dates talk about themselves the entire time. I conclude that he ought to just date a mirror and I write him off. I have also had dates ask me questions about me the whole time, answer whatever questions I ask, because that's what dates are for. To learn about the other person, to see if you're compatible, if you have fun, whatever it is you're looking for to have a relationship. Hello.
7. Don't be boring. No one likes boring people.
8. Say thank you. Ladies, he just spent money to feed and tolerate you. He deserves your gratitude. And gentlemen, you ought to be grateful she said yes. It's just good manners.
9. Most importantly, don't be Miley Cyrus in her movie, or in real life. Ever. This is how she is portrayed in my mind: http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/182712. Just remember: have fun, be kind/polite/courteous, and you'll have a good time.
This post goes out to a friend of mine who told me about girls he has taken out who neglected to even thank him for dinner. Shame on you girls!
Now, there are certain procedures that are appropriate to follow when you are on a date, and they are as follows--
1. Be on time. It is so rude to make your date wait. And girls, be ready when he knocks on the door.
2. Open the door. Gentlemen open doors for their dates. And ladies allow them to do so. Obviously this is not true in all cases, but I think as evident by society, boys are only as gentlemanly as girls make them be. So let's all have a little class. And girls, be sure to have some manners and thank them for their chivalry.
3. HAVE A PLAN. Nothing is more unflattering to a girl than to find out your date put so little thought as to what you're going to do and where you are going to go. I have had boys start driving and ask me where I want to eat. I'm sorry, for real? I appreciate that they want to take into consideration where I would like to eat, but they don't get a second date. Ask her beforehand and make a plan. Don't just "wing it."
4. Compliment. Tons of girls take so much time to look nice for a date. I personally take an hour just to curl my hair and put on my make up. It's nice to hear your efforts are appreciated. And boys I'm sure like to hear that they look nice too.
5. Ordering food--girls, I can not tell you how many times I've had friends vent to me that they take their dates out to a restaurant and the girl a. gets a salad, or b. something way expensive and doesn't eat it all. I understand that not every girl can out eat their dates/hate salad (which may sometimes be embarrassing...for him!) so get something small, and in the price range as your date. He'll be glad you didn't break his bank, and you ought to be able to finish it.
6. Find out about each other. I have had dates talk about themselves the entire time. I conclude that he ought to just date a mirror and I write him off. I have also had dates ask me questions about me the whole time, answer whatever questions I ask, because that's what dates are for. To learn about the other person, to see if you're compatible, if you have fun, whatever it is you're looking for to have a relationship. Hello.
7. Don't be boring. No one likes boring people.
8. Say thank you. Ladies, he just spent money to feed and tolerate you. He deserves your gratitude. And gentlemen, you ought to be grateful she said yes. It's just good manners.
9. Most importantly, don't be Miley Cyrus in her movie, or in real life. Ever. This is how she is portrayed in my mind: http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/182712. Just remember: have fun, be kind/polite/courteous, and you'll have a good time.