honestly? i don't like you.

LESSON 6- HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

Alright, this is one I struggle with. Letting someone know you aren't interested. I try really hard to be nice to everyone, and I'm really afraid of hurting people's feelings. Except in rare cases, I don't usually tell boy I'm not interested. I just usually tell them I'm busy or I stop answering texts--
that being said, gentlemen, if you ask a girl out, and she tells you she's busy without giving you another day as an option, she doesn't like you. Ladies, vice versa.

I do however, realize the cruelty in this. If you give someone a chance, and you decide you don't like them, let them know.

BUT, if you're interested in someone, and they don't like you, but aren't being upfront, these are signs to look for.

1. Unanswered calls/texts. The limit is 2 or 3. If you keep calling or texting after that, you're officially cast into CREEPZONE. If y'all thought friendzone was hard to get out of, creepzone is impossible. And if you take a girl out on a really horrible date and treat her really poorly, to the extent that she practically begs you to take her home, and you keep texting her the next day, and she tells you that you're a creep and to leave her alone, but you keep trying to talk to her anyways, 5 unanswered messages later, she will probably call the cops on you. For a random example...

2. "I'm busy." If a person isn't making time for you, they don't like you.

3. Girls, if he isn't calling you, if he isn't seeing you, if he doesn't ask you on a date, he doesn't like you. Period. Or at the very least, he doesn't like you enough. If a boy wants you to be in his life, he'll make an effort to have you there.

4. If they aren't committing, they don't like you. "It's not you, it's me." I'm sorry, but it's always you. We're about to get real personal here. But I do this so you can all understand where I'm coming from on some of this. I recently had an experience with a boy I liked a lot. We dated for a little while, but he was afraid of commitment, so we stopped seeing each other. Now, I understand probably better than anyone being "relationship phobic." I'm coming up on 20 years of being single. I don't do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, because it usually just stresses me out, so I avoid it. However, with this boy, I wanted it. I wanted to see him and only him. I wanted to be his girlfriend. I had no desire to spend time with anyone else. So, pretty big deal for me. And I couldn't let go. So a little while after we "broke up," whatever you want to call it, I went to see him. I told him I still had feelings for him, I told him I was scared, but I was in, because all I wanted was to be with him. He was this boy that treated me so nicely and made me so happy, that I was able to put my fears aside for this chance. He told me he had been hurt, and he was scared, and he had to think about it. Which crushed me. Because being with someone isn't something that needs to be thought out, considered for weeks, weighed out. If you want to be with someone, you'll be with them, fears and pains aside. And even though it broke my heart, I realized and told him that. Obviously we didn't get together, but at least now I know that even though he may have liked me, it just wasn't enough. I said everything I needed to say, and I put my whole heart out there, but as bad as I wanted it, he didn't. And I can move on knowing that this time, it wasn't because I was scared, I just wasn't the right person for him. Everyone you know and spend time with teaches you something. I learned that it's not necessarily that I can't commit, but simply that til this experience, I hadn't found a boy that my head and my heart wanted that with. Live and learn.

And because I'm uncomfortable being so serious, here's a little video for everyone to watch! ON A SCALE OF 1-NIGEL, HOW DATEBALE ARE YOU???
http://youtu.be/X5Bc4GRGT0M

don't be a sucky date

LESSON 5: DATE ETIQUETTE

This post goes out to a friend of mine who told me about girls he has taken out who neglected to even thank him for dinner. Shame on you girls!

Now, there are certain procedures that are appropriate to follow when you are on a date, and they are as follows--

1. Be on time. It is so rude to make your date wait. And girls, be ready when he knocks on the door.

2. Open the door. Gentlemen open doors for their dates. And ladies allow them to do so. Obviously this is not true in all cases, but I think as evident by society, boys are only as gentlemanly as girls make them be. So let's all have a little class. And girls, be sure to have some manners and thank them for their chivalry.

3. HAVE A PLAN. Nothing is more unflattering to a girl than to find out your date put so little thought as to what you're going to do and where you are going to go. I have had boys start driving and ask me where I want to eat. I'm sorry, for real? I appreciate that they want to take into consideration where I would like to eat, but they don't get a second date. Ask her beforehand and make a plan. Don't just "wing it."

4. Compliment. Tons of girls take so much time to look nice for a date. I personally take an hour just to curl my hair and put on my make up. It's nice to hear your efforts are appreciated. And boys I'm sure like to hear that they look nice too.

5. Ordering food--girls, I can not tell you how many times I've had friends vent to me that they take their dates out to a restaurant and the girl a. gets a salad, or b. something way expensive and doesn't eat it all. I understand that not every girl can out eat their dates/hate salad (which may sometimes be embarrassing...for him!) so get something small, and in the price range as your date. He'll be glad you didn't break his bank, and you ought to be able to finish it.

6. Find out about each other. I have had dates talk about themselves the entire time. I conclude that he ought to just date a mirror and I write him off. I have also had dates ask me questions about me the whole time, answer whatever questions I ask, because that's what dates are for. To learn about the other person, to see if you're compatible, if you have fun, whatever it is you're looking for to have a relationship. Hello.

7. Don't be boring. No one likes boring people.

8. Say thank you. Ladies, he just spent money to feed and tolerate you. He deserves your gratitude. And gentlemen, you ought to be grateful she said yes. It's just good manners.

9. Most importantly, don't be Miley Cyrus in her movie, or in real life. Ever. This is how she is portrayed in my mind: http://www.hulu.com/#!watch/182712. Just remember: have fun, be kind/polite/courteous, and you'll have a good time.

your muscles are huge! kiss me

LESSON 3: APPROPRIATE KISSING

I was having a discussion with a good friend of mine the other day, and I said, as a lady, I think it's shady if a boy kisses you before the third date. He told me that it should be the second date because, "boys feel entitled to a first date. A second date however, means that she liked him enough to go out with him again, and therefore, he can kiss her."

A little food for thought. He has a very solid point. So I got to thinking...

First date kiss--I know from experience and have been told this many times, a boy will kiss a girl on the first date if he doesn't see it going anywhere. So ladies, if its your first date, and he leans in 90 degrees, he doesn't like you. He lusts you. And I've heard the line "I don't know what it is about you. I never kiss girls on the first date. You're just different. You're special. I feel this connection with you.." blah blah blah. He is so full of crap, and he's going to try to schmooze his way in. I've fallen for it. But I've learned better, so now I'm sharing my wisdom with you. And even on the rare occasion that it all might be true, if you kiss him on your first date, you're already taking big steps and crossing lines in that relationship that you can't take back. And things will escalate quicker. But just try to remember, you're not the exception. Ever. You're the rule. Sorry.

Second date kiss--For me, this is like, hey you're cool, we have fun together, let's see if we have some potential towards a relationship. This is more, getting to know the person, finding out a little bit more about how they think, just a little more insight into their story. For me personally, this is still too early for taking that step. I still feel like, I don't really know him, he doesn't really know me, so how could he know if he wants to get involved emotionally with me?

Third date kiss--Here's where the money is at. Because usually, by now, you've spent enough time together to know if you like him, if he likes you, if y'all can pursue some kind of real relationship*.

*If he kisses you and doesn't want to establish a relationship, then he sucks. Friends should never kiss friends. President Spencer W. Kimball said “Kissing has … degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when handed out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?”

In a 2001 New Era, Bruce Monson gives a talk on this subject, and I think he's got a really solid point. Read it. I've had many conversations on the subject and I'm tired of arguing with friends that kissing with no strings attached is wrong. Read again what President Kimball has to say. I have nothing left to add.

And while on the subject, girls, if a boy calls you after 9pm to "come watch a movie," he's horny and he just wants to kiss you. That is a booty call. It's a jerk move on his part, and a decision of loose morals on yours if you respond. You have so much value as a woman, as a lady, as a daughter of God. Don't cheapen yourself. And don't put him in that position either, (because I know boys aren't the only one to use this trick.) I truly feel that if everyone recognized their self worth, we would all treat each other better.

"People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are being loved and people are being used."--Anonymous