Saturday, March 2, 2013

it was so nice to meet you. so nice.


First and foremost, I wanted to thank all of those fellas whom gave their insight on this. It was much appreciated.

I was at a party a little while ago, and I met a guy, and we got to talking about dating (shocking, I know). He shared with me some stories, and he talked about this girl that he had taken out on a date, had tons of fun with, liked her, etc. but never took out again. When I asked why, he told me he figured she wasn't interested because she never sent him a post-date-"thank you"-text.

Interesting. I thought, these two could go out, have the time of their lives, and be mutually attracted to/interested in each other, but because she doesn't send a thank you text after she gets dropped off, any spark or thank you communicated in person is invalidated? I didn't really like that. Mostly because I don't usually send a thank you text after the date that I can recall. (Possibly the reason I go on so few second dates? Guess we'll find out.)

So, I put the question out there: if a girl doesn't send you a text after the date, does she get a second one?

About 65% of guys on facebook and otherwise, responded in the negative. If she doesn't text, she's probably not interested. However, about half the gentlemen who said that if he had a good time, he would ask her out again regardless of a text, also said that although not required, a text would be nice--just a little reassurance to let him know you're both on the same page.

A friend of mine said, "a date is for 2 people to equally judge and determine if the other is right for them. Although the guy should be a gentleman, the girl should have the decency to show a form of confirmation that a second date is worth either of their time. Then, if the guy feels the same way he needs to ask her out. Dating is a two way deal, not just a time for a guy to show how "nice" he is."

Valid point. Another friend pointed out that he had actually recently conducted a similar experiment, where "150 students were polled [at BYU and UVU] and just over 80% of guys said they would rather get a thank you/appreciation text in order to know if the girl is interested."

It was stated repeatedly that a verbal thank you at the end of the date was simply polite and somewhat obligatory. Although, apparently not always expressed. (Any girl that doesn't say thank you at the end of a date is a complete ignoramus. Don't ask her out again.)

AskMen says:

The Thank-You Rule

Unless you have found the worst date on the planet, she will say thanks when the bill gets paid. That’s just basic manners. But dating goes beyond the simple manners, and the standards are a little different than a dinner in which you treat a client to a steak.

I am very big on the “next day" thank you, either in the form of a text or a call. If you have succeeded in making a first or second date anything more than just awkward conversation between two relative strangers, that is a credit to you and your skills in the dating game. The communication the next day is key, but the main component of that is that she needs to take the first step.
You already did your part when you asked her out. The reason why this one is key is twofold. First, it reinforces that she appreciates what you did -- that you had the nerve to ask her out and you planned an evening. The right girl will call attention to this fact in a nice way in the 48 hours after the date. The second reason is that if she skips this one, she is likely not interested in a second date. Don’t start getting creative and reaching out to her in clever ways to open the door for the thanks. Trust me, I’ve tried it. Posting on her wall does not come across as casual; it’s a pretty obvious play. You need to take this as a hint. If she hasn’t really given you the proper follow-up, you should know not to waste any more time.

Since starting my own little research/experiments on this matter, I have sent thank you texts, and verbally expressed interest, and I've found in my own dating life: a post-date thank you text is a simple, easy way for a girl to let a guy know she's interested. However, I have verbally expressed that interest and I had myself a boyfriend for a hot second. So I guess the conclusion I've reached---just say something, somehow. Communicate. Be gracious. And do so in a timely manner, (within 24-48 hours) because as exciting as a little mystery can be, we all need a little reassurance.

PS. If you don't express interest properly, you're going to end up ordering 3 large pizzas by yourself with only your LOTR action figures as company, while destroying certain soulmates' true love:

Key and Peele kill me.

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